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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
In short, he's planning to propose soon, and I'm not sure what the answer is. There are things I want to improve in myself, going through personal development and frankly as I know I'm not yet 'the best I can be', why would he want to marry me?

This might sound stupid, but I thought I'd have my career more sorted out as well and I'm afraid that if I get married I might get too lazy to change it, whereas now it's my responsibility, not 'ours'. I want to sort that out, THEN he can ask!! Does that sound mad?

What would you do?
 

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Why would he want to marry someone who IS the best they can be right now?

By doing that, it's all downhill from the start.

Become the best you can be together. Grow with each other. Nurture and share accomplishments and personal gain.

Support and encourage each other in your quest for personal growth.

Lighten up and keepsmiling!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Do you think he will be ready as this is his first relationship? I've seen the posts of those who have been married less than a year and already have problems, I don't want that to happen to us.

I'm quite sure that he does love me the way I am (crazy man!), I guess I just have high standards for myself to achieve.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you A Bit Much, that's what I needed to hear. I only broke up with my ex-fiancee a year ago, and current SO has been my shining star through everything. I think I'm just aware that it wasn't that long ago I took that ring off. Thank you for all your replies, it really helps :)
 

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Thank you A Bit Much, that's what I needed to hear. I only broke up with my ex-fiancee a year ago, and current SO has been my shining star through everything. I think I'm just aware that it wasn't that long ago I took that ring off. Thank you for all your replies, it really helps :)
Okay, tough question time.

Is your concern about "you being where you want to be etc." possibly a mask because this "shining star" is your rebound and you don't TRULY, deep in your heart, feel that he's "the one". By saying you don't feel "you're ready" for the reasons you listed, you're basically letting him down easy and finding your "out"?

I'm a HUGE fan of rebound relationships. Coming out of any long term relationship, especially if it ended badly, everyone looks for the next person for as much about, what and who they are, than the fact that they AREN'T the ex.
 

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I don't think the question should be are you good enough to marry him,he obviously thinks you are.I think you should be questioning why you have doubts that you're turning in on yourself.The job excuse is kind of flimsy to me.I don't think you believe this guy is the one for you.He's the one right now but it doesn't seem like you view him as the one for your future.

If you did then nothing you listed would stop you from marrying him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I don't mind a tough question :)
The answer is no, it's not a rebound. It's a now 9 month long period of bliss with this man, I adore him and I don't want out for anything! We are very much full steam ahead totally in love. What concerns me is if it has been long enough (but then, some people get married after a few months, which I am sure is too soon). We are 22 and 23. He's pretty much spelled out that he's going to ask in 6 months' time. What do you think now?

It may help to know that I'm something of a perfectionist w/ high desire to achieve.
 

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I don't mind a tough question :)
The answer is no, it's not a rebound. It's a now 9 month long period of bliss with this man, I adore him and I don't want out for anything! We are very much full steam ahead totally in love. What concerns me is if it has been long enough (but then, some people get married after a few months, which I am sure is too soon). We are 22 and 23. He's pretty much spelled out that he's going to ask in 6 months' time. What do you think now?

It may help to know that I'm something of a perfectionist w/ high desire to achieve.
Its not like you have to marry the day after he proposes! Engagements are engagements for a reason. Take that time to grow together and begin to build your future. Your life doesnt stop just because you get engaged, keep doing those things for yourself that you are working on and be happy that someone wants to share that with you. :)
 

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I know you won't listen to my advice, but I'm going to say it anyway.

YOUR (anybody's) BRAIN IS NOT DONE GROWING until you're 25yo. This is not just some 'random' number plucked out of the air...there is SCIENTIFIC PROOF that your brain is NOT finished maturing until then.

NEITHER of you is there. PLEASE, please, PLEASE, do yourselves a favor and DON'T GET ENGAGED/MARRIED. You're 22yo and this is your SECOND ENGAGEMENT?!? What is the rush, keepsmilin? You will be grown up, married, a mother (if you so choose) for A LOT OF YEARS! Please enjoy your youth while you can! It is far too fleeting.

If he's REALLY "THE ONE", then he'll still be "THE ONE" in another 8 years. Meanwhile, you will both have had a good start on your careers, your maturity, your savings, your planning for a very long future.

(signed) somebody's mom who is 56yo!
 

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In short, he's planning to propose soon, and I'm not sure what the answer is. There are things I want to improve in myself, going through personal development and frankly as I know I'm not yet 'the best I can be', why would he want to marry me?

This might sound stupid, but I thought I'd have my career more sorted out as well and I'm afraid that if I get married I might get too lazy to change it, whereas now it's my responsibility, not 'ours'. I want to sort that out, THEN he can ask!! Does that sound mad?

What would you do?
My opinion is that you sort out the things you need to acomplish before marriage when he asks. There's no harm in being engaged for serveral years while you're getting to the place you need to be before marriage.

I dated my wife for 7 years. We were not officially engaged but we both really knew that we were going to eventually get married after about the first year or so.
 

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I know you won't listen to my advice, but I'm going to say it anyway.

YOUR (anybody's) BRAIN IS NOT DONE GROWING until you're 25yo. This is not just some 'random' number plucked out of the air...there is SCIENTIFIC PROOF that your brain is NOT finished maturing until then.

NEITHER of you is there. PLEASE, please, PLEASE, do yourselves a favor and DON'T GET ENGAGED/MARRIED. You're 22yo and this is your SECOND ENGAGEMENT?!? What is the rush, keepsmilin? You will be grown up, married, a mother (if you so choose) for A LOT OF YEARS! Please enjoy your youth while you can! It is far too fleeting.

If he's REALLY "THE ONE", then he'll still be "THE ONE" in another 8 years. Meanwhile, you will both have had a good start on your careers, your maturity, your savings, your planning for a very long future.

(signed) somebody's mom who is 56yo!
I agree with this.I wish I had waited to get married.I feel if I had,I would have realized he was not for me.I know lots of people make it work when they marry at a young age but why take the chance?Why not just be together til you're older THEN get married so you're totally positive.
 
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