Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
69 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
From previous posts you will know I've said my husband is a very busy man (he basically works 2 full time jobs no weekends off either). I knew this when we were dating yes but it seemed he made me more of a priority than. We only seen each other 1 time a week back than and he would visit me for 7 hours in that 1 visit per week.
Well now fast forward to being married and living under the same roof. I figured it out and even went over it with him. Not including weekends because sometimes we see each other just in passing besides sleeping but during the 5 days of the week all added up we only see each other maybe 8 hours a week (living under the same roof) not a half hour apart. Well we were speaking about how I have felt unimportant to him for awhile and he doesn't see why but he is listing off a list of all the things that he Bates about his life that his doesn't have time for and not once did he mention me. Two years ago before he proposed when he was speaking about this it was only me and how he longed to give me more time. Well I was very hurt and sad by this and once again. I knew we wouldn't have time to talk about it this morning. So I wrote him a letter and put it in his lunch pal explaining why I feel the way I do and that I didn't even make his list. Once again I got nothing. He can make time to call or text anyone else. But he just seems to careless now when it's me. He just leaves. the problem walks away and goes on about his business. I just don't matter to him anymore and thannhe tells me that's bs I just feel that way well yes I do and I'm hurting because of his actions and how he promised me he would never be to me. Am I over thinking this? Do I just care to much? even though he tells me I don't care at all. I feel like giving up just because I don't want to hurt anymore and I believed. after one bad marriage. I had finally found who I was looking for than I married him and soon after he changed just as so feared he would. Any thoughts? I'm sorry this got long!!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
Waow, loong text :)
What exacly do you want from him, your relationship? You have been saying that you want him to care more, you want to be more important.
What else?
if your relationship was perfect, how would it look like? feel like?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,374 Posts
What is his perspective on this? Why does he work so much? Do you have a job? If not, would you get one so he can quit one of his jobs?

Nothing is going to change unless his schedule changes. Why is his schedule like this? Is it by necessity or choice?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
69 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Waow, loong text :)
What exacly do you want from him, your relationship? You have been saying that you want him to care more, you want to be more important.
What else?
if your relationship was perfect, how would it look like? feel like?
I would really like it to be like it was maybe when we were dating 6 months. And no I'm not talking the new feelings. We just used to talk, and he used to listen and seem to genuinely care. Us was so important to him. He is still very affectionate. He used to get me and seem to really be happy with me and all if that just seems gone. We have had many bumps and he holds alot of resentment he just doesn't look at me the way he used to, we are just different and so lost and I think both sad about what we feel we lost.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
So talking more, listen more and the ''Us'' being more important. What else is in this picture of you two being happy?
You didn't say anything about the time he works...Is it important for you to past more time with him as well?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
69 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
What is his perspective on this? Why does he work so much? Do you have a job? If not, would you get one so he can quit one of his jobs?

Nothing is going to change unless his schedule changes. Why is his schedule like this? Is it by necessity or choice?
He believes this is just the way I feel (feeling unimportant it's not the case). His family are workaholics. And yes I have a part time job looking for full time. He would still work the same even if I had a full time one. One of the jobs is a family thing so he feels obligation & he loves it. He feels lazy if he isn't working himself to death.
Oh he did change his schedule he told me it would be so much better if he could just get that switched to mornings vs evenings. I believe it made no difference. I don't see him anymore than before maybe less.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
69 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
So talking more, listen more and the ''Us'' being more important. What else is in this picture of you two being happy?
You didn't say anything about the time he works...Is it important for you to past more time with him as well?
Yes I would like to have actual quality time with him. Not the when he walks in the door every night he has nothing left for me. And I can tell he just wants to shower and eat. I would love to be able to do something on a week night, have him come home right after work so maybe we could eat together. I didn't get married to live alone. I have told him this kindly he used to care. Now he just says I'm a busy guy and He can't give any less time to my jobs. All his exes left for this lack of time reason
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
Alright, and to get to this relationship's situation where everything seems to be the ways to want, How committed are you to get there? How important is it to you?
I think you know some important changes needs to happen to get exactly where you want to be. How willing and committed are you to make those changes?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
69 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Like I said I have one failed marriage behind me and I hate that. I only wanted to get married one time in my life. I thought this would be the best time of my life. It is just him and I right now. we are in our middle 30 and things were so good. There is just so much confusion, frustration, anger, resentment, hurt. Neither one of us can let go of things. I think we both walk on eggshells with each other. It used to be so natural and easy and now it is to the point we don't even know how to be with each other, We don't communicate, affection has even become strained. I just feel like it would be easier to walk away sometimes. Even though I love him so much and I remember all the good times we've had and I think of the wonderful man I know that he is and I truly don't want to believe that is gone in him or the wonderful girl that he feel in love with and just couldn't wait to marry.. I just don't know!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
You can decide to leave him, what what if you relationship can get better?
It will need some work you know...Hard work. People go through a lot of separation of divorce because they don't want to do the work.

How committed are you to work on it? How motivated?
It is important to know that for yourself before anything. If you are not committed or motivated enough, It won't work...
What about him? Where is he on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being not committed at all???

You guys need to talk about this, to see if you are going the same way together.
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top