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My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. This is my third marriage, his first.
He has struggled with sexual addictions long bf I came into the picture (and had no clue about until after we were married). I've tried helping him. He's tried visiting several psychologists with no luck (not meshing with them, unable to let his guard down, etc.) This time, when I found all the emails he'd created (3) and facebooks (2) he'd created, instead of immediately confronting him, I did some digging. I now feel like I should've left it all alone. His addiction is worse than what I knew...his 'interests' are darker than I had any idea of. Nothing illegal, just not something I'm into...ever. He's told me before that he likes the excitement of talking to different people and planning to meet, etc. He likes sharing pictures (some nsfw) of himself and others (found on the internet) and trading weird stories, etc. Can my marriage be saved? He keeps bringing up the fact that he didn't quit on me when I cheated, but I'm trying to get him to understand that these are two totally different situations. This time, and maybe other times, he brought people I know into his fantasies that he shared with other people (strangers met on craigslist). Sharing their pictures. Not nudes of course, but just regular pictures and pretending he'd slept with them or whatever. Total invasion of privacy for them, total betrayal for me. Am I wrong to feel like that? This time, it's different. This time, I feel immense sadness. This time, I feel like something is broken and I'm not sure it can be repaired. This whole situation is affecting my work to the point where I can't concentrate and am starting to make mistakes. He wants to get counseling; I know his addiction is like any other. Am I a bad person if I don't stay? I am so heartbroken...I can't even look at him. I feel like he's ruined everything...the future we had....my life.
 

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My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. This is my third marriage, his first.
He has struggled with sexual addictions long bf I came into the picture (and had no clue about until after we were married). I've tried helping him. He's tried visiting several psychologists with no luck (not meshing with them, unable to let his guard down, etc.) This time, when I found all the emails he'd created (3) and facebooks (2) he'd created, instead of immediately confronting him, I did some digging. I now feel like I should've left it all alone. His addiction is worse than what I knew...his 'interests' are darker than I had any idea of. Nothing illegal, just not something I'm into...ever. He's told me before that he likes the excitement of talking to different people and planning to meet, etc. He likes sharing pictures (some nsfw) of himself and others (found on the internet) and trading weird stories, etc. Can my marriage be saved? He keeps bringing up the fact that he didn't quit on me when I cheated, but I'm trying to get him to understand that these are two totally different situations. This time, and maybe other times, he brought people I know into his fantasies that he shared with other people (strangers met on craigslist). Sharing their pictures. Not nudes of course, but just regular pictures and pretending he'd slept with them or whatever. Total invasion of privacy for them, total betrayal for me. Am I wrong to feel like that? This time, it's different. This time, I feel immense sadness. This time, I feel like something is broken and I'm not sure it can be repaired. This whole situation is affecting my work to the point where I can't concentrate and am starting to make mistakes. He wants to get counseling; I know his addiction is like any other. Am I a bad person if I don't stay? I am so heartbroken...I can't even look at him. I feel like he's ruined everything...the future we had....my life.
Kinda buried that in the middle, didn't you? What happened there?


And TBH, I think the answer to "Am I done?" Is yes.
 

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I cheated a couple years ago. I had sex with a guy I used to know. Wasn't an affair, just once. Not that that makes any difference, I know.
 

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Some people settle into being married and some don't, you two don't. With your history of two previous failed marriages and your cheating, and him living in a sexual fantasy world instead of being a dedicated husband I don't think you two are the marrying type. For what ever reasons being in a committed long term monogamous relationship just isn't the way you two are wired so I think trying to force yourself to live that way is suffering in misery.

Sure you can offer a dozen reasons why you think I'm wrong but the bottom line is neither one of you are committed to the marriage or each other.
 

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Cooper. I agree and disagree. Maybe you're right. Maybe neither one of us can commit longterm. I'd like to think I could...the cheating was my way of dealing with the loneliness I was feeling in my marriage at the time. Not a good way to deal, I know, but that's what I did and I own the mistake. The things he is doing...I've discovered him chatting with others etc several times. Maybe I am just wanting it to be his fault and not mine. IDK. I do know that if there was a way to save it I would do it.

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk
 

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I cheated a couple years ago. I had sex with a guy I used to know. Wasn't an affair, just once. Not that that makes any difference, I know.
What you did was more than bad. It is inexcusable. And it gave him cover for his nonsense.

His doings? Kinky. Did he find you to be kinky, also. Is that is why he married you?

He needs to go. You are not compatible. Both of you have maturity issues. I think you have grown more than him.

Why did your first two marriages fail? I think this is more important TO YOU here. Hear?

It will help you in your fourth marriage, if you go down that path, yet again.

If you got three men to marry you, you must have something of value to men. Do not let that "something" be "only" lust. Let them love you for other things, too, three, four.....boom.

Take your man-picker to the National Man Grabber Repair Shop. It needs a new program flashed onto it's EEPROM chips. Have it seek out stable, hard working, monogamous men. Oh, and good lovers!
 
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I cheated a couple years ago. I had sex with a guy I used to know. Wasn't an affair, just once. Not that that makes any difference, I know.

Just for background info, did you cheat on your last husband to meet this husband?

In other words, was this husband {#3} with all these issues your OM when you were married to husband #2?

Did you cheat on husband #1 and|or #2 also?

This makes a difference in my advice~~~ because ~~~ If so, I'd say you BOTH have such significant issues with monogamy and relationships that, perhaps, you BOTH might be better off staying together and trying to figure this all out together more so than one or both of you taking all this hurt and baggage going on and into future relationships with unsuspecting individuals.

I'd estimate that the risks of a recovered third marriage {where all the baggage is on the table, you each work on things and learn how to have a proper relationship and hold each other accountable} might have better odds than the chance a fourth marriage will be successful.
 
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What you did was more than bad. It is inexcusable. And it gave him cover for his nonsense.

His doings? Kinky. Did he find you to be kinky, also. Is that is why he married you?

He needs to go. You are not compatible. Both of you have maturity issues. I think you have grown more than him.

Why did your first two marriages fail? I think this is more important TO YOU here. Hear?

It will help you in your fourth marriage, if you go down that path, yet again.

If you got three men to marry you, you must have something of value to men. Do not let that "something" be "only" lust. Let them love you for other things, too, three, four.....boom.

Take your man-picker to the National Man Grabber Repair Shop. It needs a new program flashed onto it's EEPROM chips. Have it seek out stable, hard working, monogamous men. Oh, and good lovers!
First two marriages...well, when I married my first husband, I was 17 and pregnant with my first child. I did cheat on him...I guess I have issues with loneliness? He was always gone with his friends. I had someone show interest in me and then bam. One thing let to another, yada yada yada. We didn't divorce because of the infidelity on my part. We tried. But we were VERY different people. I loved him but couldn't live with him. He had a temper and even though he was never really physically abusive, we did have a few altercations. We divorced after 4 years together. Both immature, I believe.

Second marriage...met this guy online, was in a rebellious phase. Married him on the spot. We were together for 4 years. He was a momma's boy, unhappy, so I gladly let him go back home. Never looked back. No cheating.

I do think I have someone to offer another person. I am a good person with serious flaws, I know. This is why I am in therapy. To deal with my issues so I can be happier and healthier mentally.

I don't know if we should go our separate ways, which is why I come to this forum. I'd love to read stories about how people went through all this b.s. and then made it through a stronger and more connected couple.
 

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Just for background info, did you cheat on your last husband to meet this husband?

In other words, was this husband {#3} with all these issues your OM when you were married to husband #2?

Did you cheat on husband #1 and|or #2 also?

This makes a difference in my advice~~~ because ~~~ If so, I'd say you BOTH have such significant issues with monogamy and relationships that, perhaps, you BOTH might be better off staying together and trying to figure this all out together more so than one or both of you taking all this hurt and baggage going on and into future relationships with unsuspecting individuals.

I'd estimate that the risks of a recovered third marriage {where all the baggage is on the table, you each work on things and learn how to have a proper relationship and hold each other accountable} might have better odds than the chance a fourth marriage will be successful.
No I didn't cheat on hubby #2 with hubby #3. Hubby #2 was done and over with several years before I met my current husband. I did cheat on my first husband. Right now, I'm in therapy. He wants to go to therapy and address his issues. But I feel completely disconnected from him now. Completely. No attraction to him. I don't know if I love him like I did. They say ignorance is bliss...well...I completely concur. Part of me wishes I'd never known all this stuff. I never knew how deep it went. How twisted it was.

Maybe this is his way of dealing with my infidelity. But he's told me that he has had these kind of fantasies/issues for many years, before I was even in the picture.
 

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I believe he trusts his fantasies more than you.

If you two stay married, I have no issues with it. Most of the bad is in the open. Maybe, as you age, both of you will settle in...like a newly dug foundation.

Watch out for the seven year itch. No, yours seems to get scratchy at four year intervals!

An afflicted natal Jupiter might be getting you antsy/jumpy every ~four years? Dunno...


Good luck!
 
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