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11 Posts
Hi Everyone,
I'm a new member here, but I've been browsing these forums for a while now. You all seem very kind and insightful, and so I feel it's time for me to join you fully. =)
My husband and I have been having problems for a while now, but I could go on for pages if I tried to tell you our whole marital history and I don't want to bore you. The issue I've been dealing with for the past several months (since February) has really been eating at me and I've even been starting to question my own sanity and whether I can trust my gut feelings at all. I am really hoping that you could help me determine whether I have a right to be concerned, or whether I'm overreacting.
In a nutshell, I believe my husband was at the very least toying with the idea of cheating back in February, and at worst actually did so. I have never had reason to believe he would be unfaithful in the past, and have always had complete trust in him. However, when I came home one day in February (he had the day off), I had the strongest gut feeling that something was "off". I was going to take the day off with him, but he became very angry and said that he wanted to have time to himself (we had been arguing lately so I understood). I noticed that he had hastily cleaned the dining room (the main room you see when you open the front door), and had completely washed the bedsheets, including the top bedspread...this is something he almost never does. He also put an old green chair in the bedroom for some reason. He had been getting over a cold and so we were in separate bedrooms at the time...I told him to let me know when he wanted me to come back to our bedroom, but he hadn't yet.
So I had this strange gut feeling, which was then corroborated by him doing some really strange chores. Not only does he almost never do chores on a day off, but the dining room and bedroom would be near the end of his list. This really puzzled me. Then I also noticed that he was completely showered and "groomed" down there, etc. I did notice a few more odd things but I won't get into those. Suffice it to say that I felt weirded out enough about the whole thing to ask him if anyone came over. He said "of course not". I figured that it was just all one big coincidence, took him at his word and tried to go on as normal.
My feeling was still there the following week, however, and I happened to have a day off myself. So I decided that I would just check the computer in the den to see if I noticed anything unusual....due to his cold he had been off work and/or working from home a lot, and had been up there quite a bit. I figured that this was just a precaution since my gut feeling would not let up and I still found those chores so strange.
Well, in the drop-down history of the internet browser (the address bar), I came across a few articles off a blog about "meeting real women online". The articles were titled things such as "dating tips - first date" and "pof meetme update". My heart felt like it had dropped into my stomach. If I had come across these on my own without any of the other stuff, then maybe I wouldn't have been so concerned. But the fact that my gut feeling came first, and then when I went to check I actually found something....I didn't know what to do.
Besides about five articles in the history from that blog site, I found a couple of other strange articles, plus the one link that really has me going crazy, which is this:
"www.pof.com/inbox.aspx#in"
When I googled what "pof" was, it came up as being the plenty of fish dating site. I was really feeling horrible at this point, and while I now know that you're supposed to hold off on confronting anyone when you have suspicions until you have more information, I was too upset and hysterical and so when he came home I burst into tears and asked him if he had been "meeting real women online". At first he was confused and then looked surprised and said "show me", which I did.
When I showed him the links, he swore up and down (and still does to this day), that he absolutely never went there and that they were either spam/malware or popups. Even when I told him that the specific-ness of those links didn't seem to me like they would ads or spam, he insisted. That night, I was so upset that I took him at his word.
There have been a few things that have happened since then, but I know that I've already talked a lot and I don't want to bog you down with all of the details. Basically, what I'd like your thoughts on is my opinion that ads or spam would not cause such specific links to show up. Particularly the one that I typed out for you from pof. My mind - and my heart - are finding it extremely hard to believe that a direct link to an inbox (which takes you to a login screen) would be used as an ad or spam (versus the home page). The reason I am going crazy is because my husband keeps insisting that he 100% never went there deliberately, and has basically been demonizing me for "not trusting my own husband".
So, based on those links alone, especially the inbox one, what do you think? Do you think that they really could be spam or ads or something else, that there is any possibility that he did not deliberately go there? If he had come to me and confessed, then perhaps we could have worked on things more - we have actually been going to counselling these past few months anyhow. But if he's been lying through his teeth and demonizing me in an attempt to make me question my own sanity to get himself off the hook, then I don't believe I could regain trust.
I very much welcome your opinions and thoughts, and am very very grateful for any advice you may have to offer. I really am lost and I really am wondering if I'm imagining everything and going crazy. =( My hair has been falling out and I've lost around 20 pounds from all of this, I've been so stressed out...not to mention my poor performance at work. I'm at a loss as to what to do and who to believe anymore...
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this, and I'm very happy to be joining you.
Take care,
newandlost
I'm a new member here, but I've been browsing these forums for a while now. You all seem very kind and insightful, and so I feel it's time for me to join you fully. =)
My husband and I have been having problems for a while now, but I could go on for pages if I tried to tell you our whole marital history and I don't want to bore you. The issue I've been dealing with for the past several months (since February) has really been eating at me and I've even been starting to question my own sanity and whether I can trust my gut feelings at all. I am really hoping that you could help me determine whether I have a right to be concerned, or whether I'm overreacting.
In a nutshell, I believe my husband was at the very least toying with the idea of cheating back in February, and at worst actually did so. I have never had reason to believe he would be unfaithful in the past, and have always had complete trust in him. However, when I came home one day in February (he had the day off), I had the strongest gut feeling that something was "off". I was going to take the day off with him, but he became very angry and said that he wanted to have time to himself (we had been arguing lately so I understood). I noticed that he had hastily cleaned the dining room (the main room you see when you open the front door), and had completely washed the bedsheets, including the top bedspread...this is something he almost never does. He also put an old green chair in the bedroom for some reason. He had been getting over a cold and so we were in separate bedrooms at the time...I told him to let me know when he wanted me to come back to our bedroom, but he hadn't yet.
So I had this strange gut feeling, which was then corroborated by him doing some really strange chores. Not only does he almost never do chores on a day off, but the dining room and bedroom would be near the end of his list. This really puzzled me. Then I also noticed that he was completely showered and "groomed" down there, etc. I did notice a few more odd things but I won't get into those. Suffice it to say that I felt weirded out enough about the whole thing to ask him if anyone came over. He said "of course not". I figured that it was just all one big coincidence, took him at his word and tried to go on as normal.
My feeling was still there the following week, however, and I happened to have a day off myself. So I decided that I would just check the computer in the den to see if I noticed anything unusual....due to his cold he had been off work and/or working from home a lot, and had been up there quite a bit. I figured that this was just a precaution since my gut feeling would not let up and I still found those chores so strange.
Well, in the drop-down history of the internet browser (the address bar), I came across a few articles off a blog about "meeting real women online". The articles were titled things such as "dating tips - first date" and "pof meetme update". My heart felt like it had dropped into my stomach. If I had come across these on my own without any of the other stuff, then maybe I wouldn't have been so concerned. But the fact that my gut feeling came first, and then when I went to check I actually found something....I didn't know what to do.
Besides about five articles in the history from that blog site, I found a couple of other strange articles, plus the one link that really has me going crazy, which is this:
"www.pof.com/inbox.aspx#in"
When I googled what "pof" was, it came up as being the plenty of fish dating site. I was really feeling horrible at this point, and while I now know that you're supposed to hold off on confronting anyone when you have suspicions until you have more information, I was too upset and hysterical and so when he came home I burst into tears and asked him if he had been "meeting real women online". At first he was confused and then looked surprised and said "show me", which I did.
When I showed him the links, he swore up and down (and still does to this day), that he absolutely never went there and that they were either spam/malware or popups. Even when I told him that the specific-ness of those links didn't seem to me like they would ads or spam, he insisted. That night, I was so upset that I took him at his word.
There have been a few things that have happened since then, but I know that I've already talked a lot and I don't want to bog you down with all of the details. Basically, what I'd like your thoughts on is my opinion that ads or spam would not cause such specific links to show up. Particularly the one that I typed out for you from pof. My mind - and my heart - are finding it extremely hard to believe that a direct link to an inbox (which takes you to a login screen) would be used as an ad or spam (versus the home page). The reason I am going crazy is because my husband keeps insisting that he 100% never went there deliberately, and has basically been demonizing me for "not trusting my own husband".
So, based on those links alone, especially the inbox one, what do you think? Do you think that they really could be spam or ads or something else, that there is any possibility that he did not deliberately go there? If he had come to me and confessed, then perhaps we could have worked on things more - we have actually been going to counselling these past few months anyhow. But if he's been lying through his teeth and demonizing me in an attempt to make me question my own sanity to get himself off the hook, then I don't believe I could regain trust.
I very much welcome your opinions and thoughts, and am very very grateful for any advice you may have to offer. I really am lost and I really am wondering if I'm imagining everything and going crazy. =( My hair has been falling out and I've lost around 20 pounds from all of this, I've been so stressed out...not to mention my poor performance at work. I'm at a loss as to what to do and who to believe anymore...
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this, and I'm very happy to be joining you.
Take care,
newandlost