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Not to long ago my wife had an affair and I moved out so they could be together. During this time she got pregnant with his kid , and lost it. About a month later she called me wanting to work things out. At first I was scared to say yes, but deep inside I wanted as to be back together. So now things are going okay we are working to get our lives back to the way they were. Just one big problem she is still friends with the guy she had the affair with. Is this normal? When I try to talk to her about it she tells me I'm selfish. So am I crazy? should this be happening? I know it is making my life hell.
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This is not OK and you are not crazy, ask her to leave, you will not tolorate this bulllcrap.

You are not selfish you are protecting your marriage and your emotional and if she can't respect that then there is nothing to work out.


BTW what the hell did she mean by "working things out"?
 

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Not to long ago my wife had an affair and I moved out so they could be together. During this time she got pregnant with his kid , and lost it. About a month later she called me wanting to work things out. At first I was scared to say yes, but deep inside I wanted as to be back together. So now things are going okay we are working to get our lives back to the way they were. Just one big problem she is still friends with the guy she had the affair with. Is this normal? When I try to talk to her about it she tells me I'm selfish. So am I crazy? should this be happening? I know it is making my life hell.
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I mean this with all the sincerity I can muster...

You are NOT crazy. Not by a long shot. SHE'S the crazy one to think any of this arrangement is ok, because it isn't. There are 3 people in your relationship. If you're willing to be with her, she should be put to the task of choosing. You or him, but she can't have both.

Lay it out for her as plainly as you can make it. Make it so that a 5 year old can understand it. If she still wants to kick up a fuss, then you be a man and make the decision FOR HER.
 

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I could never deal with the huge degree of direspect your wife has for you by staying in contact with her affair partner. Freaking amazing...just freaking amazing!!!!!!!

This is not working on a marriage this is cake eating on your wifes part.....shame on her!
 

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This is what I see after reading what little info I have....forest thru the trees kind of thing...

The wife cheats, OP moves out, grass isn't greener and WW has little support from OM, so goes back to OP who is more secure and stable then OM could be, OP takes her back with the security and stablity he has to offer, but WW stays incontact with OM for the fun and excitement.

OP pays the bills and OM gets the emotional and physical connection.

Stop sharing your wife!!!!!!
 

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Not to long ago my wife had an affair and I moved out so they could be together. During this time she got pregnant with his kid , and lost it. About a month later she called me wanting to work things out. At first I was scared to say yes, but deep inside I wanted as to be back together. So now things are going okay we are working to get our lives back to the way they were. Just one big problem she is still friends with the guy she had the affair with. Is this normal? When I try to talk to her about it she tells me I'm selfish. So am I crazy? should this be happening? I know it is making my life hell.
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It's normal for people who have no respect for the person they cheated on and want to continue being disrespectful.

You are crazy...for thinking you're crazy.

You are crazy...for considering reconciliation if she won't end all contact with he affair partner.

Tell her point blank: The only person being selfish here is you. You cheated on me, got pregnant by another man, then wanted to get back together only to keep in touch with the man you betrayed me with. If you honestly think I am going to tolerate a relationship where you continue to act this way, then you are grossly mistaken.



********************** | ***************************************** | ***************************************
 

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Ok I am settling down.

No this is not normal cuz when she came back to work thi out her focus should be on you and healing you for the pain she caused. In stead she has continued her affair knowing your life is hell.

Very selfish reasons has brought her back to you, or why else would she want your life to be hell? See, your wife is profecting her selfisness on you. Instead of calling you controlling or jealous she choose the word selfish...hence the projection by calling you selfish.

You can't control her but you can tell her that she can do what she wants with whom ever she wants, just like you have the choice to stay with her or not, and if she continues to stay in contact with her affair partner then it appears she has choosen him over your *feeling* and you will not heal, and for your own emotional health you will need to let her go.

Again protecting your feeling is not selfish it is the only way you can protect your self from this pain.

She has no right to call you selfish, just like you have no right to controll her, so let her go if she want to continue her affair. So it is her choice....does she want her marriage exclusivly with you and commit to no more contact with OM or still be in the OM life with out you?


You do understand that everytime she talks to the OM those old feeling will come back? You do understand that the influence the OM has on your wife will continue to effect the dynamics of your marriage?

In short her continued contact is unhealthy for you and it is unhealthy for the marriage.
 

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Let me tell you, when I took my wife back I made damb sure she knew my boundries!

It sound like that didn't happen in your case. It might be a good time to sit her down and tell her your boundries and the consequences for when they are crossed.
 

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Not to long ago my wife had an affair and I moved out so they could be together. During this time she got pregnant with his kid , and lost it. About a month later she called me wanting to work things out. At first I was scared to say yes, but deep inside I wanted as to be back together. So now things are going okay we are working to get our lives back to the way they were. Just one big problem she is still friends with the guy she had the affair with. Is this normal? When I try to talk to her about it she tells me I'm selfish. So am I crazy? should this be happening? I know it is making my life hell.
Malican, do you ever get hit on by women?

In that case, you need to start shaping up your body, updating your wardrobe, and getting a better hairstyle.

How many kids do you have with her? She wasn't using BC with her bull because she'd be thrilled to have his baby. Not so much with you.

Who owns the house?
 
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