[scared1]

I don’t really know where to start I guess I am looking for advice on weather I am imagining things and should just forget it or if these are real scenarios in which my husband is being unfaithful to me.
I guess I should begin at the beginning I have been with my husband for 11 years married 5 and have 4 children. I am 26 years old.
After the birth of our third child, I was confronted by a woman who was suppose to be a good friend of mine, saying that she was sleeping with my husband. She confronted him and myself the same time so we were both there, he went into a rage and called her every name in the book saying she was a lier a **** and many more choice things and that I was stupid for believing her. But to recap the first night in question I caught him in 2 different lies in which he always changed the story and had answers for.
He swears if he ever did anything like that he would tell me, not hide it because if he wanted anyone else then he would say.
Everything was fine until recently he started spending every weekend away, and refuses to stay home with his family on the weekends.
One night when he thought I was asleep he pulled into our driveway with another woman in the car although he swears nothing happened. (This was the second time this happened)
There have many incidents in between but the most recent is a couple weekends ago he was heading to a friends for a hour he said I gets a call at 2 am saying he is at a club, and that the club closes at 3. My husband shows home at 6 am, and says his buddy gave him a ride home when the club closed. (we live 10 min from the club) it did not take him 3 hours to get home. I asked this friend the next night what time he brought him home, and his friend looked at me dumbfounded and said I didn’t even see him, turns out he got a ride and went to a different town with a girl (I actually heard it was a carload of girls) So I confronted him about this he said I did get a ride home with him, If a girl brought me home id tell you.
So again the next night someone told me how he got home I confronted him again because I was talking to the woman who he got a ride with and lo and behold he changed his story and oh yes he says I remember I did get a ride so far with her. Still dosent explain 3 hours to get home. Every weekend he gets home 6 and 630 in the morning at least one night of the weekend if not 2 of them.
I also asked him recently during a fight if he would stop going out drinking and spend more time with us on the weekend and he said Im not giving up my drinks on the weekend for no one.
Everytime I confront him about something I heard, and suspect he blows up at me freaking right out telling saying unless you see it with your eyes don’t believe it. Then he threatens to leave.
Am I paranoid? Or is he cheating

 

[underwater2010]

He is cheating....kick his butt to the curb. Read up on the 180 and protect yourself. You should never have to beg a father to spend time with their family.

 

[Hope1964]

Uh, yeah, I would say he's cheating, lying, and who knows WHAT else.

Get tested for STD's stat.

You are doing it wrong. DO NOT confront him. Go silent and stealth. Put a VAR in his car, a keylogger on his computer, hack his email/phone whatever. But start gathering EVIDENCE. DO NOT confront him without EVIDENCE. Even then he will DENY. It's what cheaters do.

 

[scared1]

whats a VAR?

 

[Hope1964]

voice activated recorder

 

[scared1]

Thanks, I just wonder how to catch him when i hear things they make so much sense like yes he is cheating. Or when he is gone all night im thinking omg he is with someone but when i go home and he is the loving husband and loving father I think you know I dont think he could do that to me. But the other thing is I dont think he is just with one person, I think its the one night stands from drunken nights. My parents no longer like having him around because when he drinks he is a real nusence, and can be mean and has a very huge anger problem when he drinks and he dosnt know how to stop once started.

Also, I have noticed when he starts drinking he will lose all regard for me even if I am there he will flurt with women right where I am to, and I have on occassion seen a woman sit on his lap, at a recent family event it was told to me that he was after this one lady in particular, she is a friend of mine, and aparently a few in my family had seen it. I have witnessed him buying drinks for women, which also makes me mad considering I have been the one supporting out family this last year, as he is unemployed.

Am I crazy!! Paranoid?? I have stopped confronting him because really I dont care anymore I just wish sometimes that I could catch him so I can leave, because the reality is I do love him but I am tiard of being played a fool.

I dont know where to get these gadgets to catch him, and I dont really think they will help as I think he is doing this on weekends while getting taxis to the club. Where would I put it?? There is nothing on his cell because it is in my name, and I can see all numbers that he has texted and called.

Where do I go from here?

 

[scared1]

I should also admit that at the familyn function he dissappeared for 4 hours

 

[SlowlyGettingWiser]

The ONLY thing YOU should be scared about is contracting an STD and leaving your children motherless.

1. Get yourself TESTED for STDs RIGHT NOW. Before the week is over. You OWE it to yourself and your children to be safe and healthy.

2. Kick your husband out PERMANENTLY. IF you cannot kick him out, then LEAVE WITH THE CHILDREN IMMEDIATELY. AND don't go back.

Your husband is under the impression that if you don't SEE IT, then you can't say he's cheating. Yeah, well where I come from, you don't have to SEE a pile of doo-doo to KNOW it's doo-doo; you can SMELL it! And your husband's LIES all add up to a pile of doo-doo!

He's a lying cheater; you've caught him (women in the car, lying about who drove him home/what time he left a club). YOU just don't want it to be so because it will make your life extremely difficult. Well, your life IS extremely difficult and letting this man-wh0re treat you and the kids like cr*p is NOT going to make your life any less difficult.

You're "scared1" because he's ALL YOU'VE EVER KNOWN (you've been dating him since you were 15!!!!) Trust me, there are PLENTY of GOOD men out there who are NOT liars and cheats! Once you move on from H (who is probably regretting that he settled down with one girl/woman too early in life) YOU will be amazed that you ever put up with all his sh*t for so many years!

Get yourself into Individual Counseling (you can find free/low-cost by checking with women's shelters) to regain some of your self-respect. IC will also help you set REALISTIC goals for yourself as an adult, as a parent, as a woman.

Good luck and hang in there, but PLEASE let your family help you and the kids GET OUT NOW. No-one wants to hear you've got an STD from an unfaithful spouse.

 

[scared1]

I really don’t know where to begin, I had already made a post regarding my situation and I am grateful for all the advice and help given. As an update I must let you know I am following the advice and currently being tested for STD’s. I am scared as anything, but I really wanted to fill you guys in and get opinions on this.
Recently (the last 2-3 weeks) my husband has been acting completely different ever since I last confronted him on his whereabouts. He has been sending me texts and writing on my facebook that I am the best wife and that he loves me so much. But then last week my aunt seen him driving around with another woman in our truck a woman I don’t know. And Friday night past he went out and although I am pretty sure I know where he was this weekend he did not show home until 8:30 on Saturday morning.
Could it be that he really is faithful? And I am reading to much into him going out on the weekends? I am starting to come to a point where I don’t want to be around him anymore and I am having anxiety attacks I don’t know what to do next I cant prove he is or is not cheating on me. All I know is that he is telling lies because I am catching him in them he lies about where hes gone how he got home ect and until I confront him that I know the truth, he lies to me then scrambles to try and tell me something he thinks I will believe.
Since the last confrontation like I say he has been different but I wonder if this is because he thinks I am getting closer to finding something out. I should also mention that a while ago he had trouble getting things working in the bedroom we will say :S and that lasted for a while but he seems to be ok again now?? I don’t understand.
Im wondering I guess if I am just the paranoid wife, I mean I have no problem with my husband being out the boys fine but I cant take being lied too it makes it seem as if he is trying to hide something. Am I over thinking the situation?

 

[Hope1964]

STOP confronting him and start gathering evidence. He's going to lie his way out of whatever you say, so gather hard proof, tell him about that when you have it, and do NOT accept his lies.

You REALLY need a VAR in his car.

 

[FeministInPink]

scared1, if he was just "going out with the boys," he wouldn't be out until 8:30 on a Saturday morning. Are you telling me that none of those boys have a woman to go home to? He's messing around. If he's not messing around, he's still a weak-a$$ excuse for a husband and father.

Follow the other posters' advice - get a VAR, get a keystroke recorder, get some evidence, and make your plan to GET OUT. You're too young to settle for this BS.