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I am sorry to disturb on this forum again. However, I was just looking threw my girlfriend's phone yesterday, when I noticed a new contact named "Angela". I questioned her about it, because of the questionably gay/lesbian before, she responded that this "Angela" was tied to a man who offered her a job. The tie between Angela and this man are they are husband and wife.

My issue is before there was a tie to her 50 year old friend (who actions, way of talking to her, bossing her around, constantly ruining her dates, forbidding my girl from calling me from her house in the latter part of their friendship, Telling my girl to leave her cell at home, always wanting to spend quality time with her, and constantly wanting her to spend nights at her house, expecting my girl to divide her time equally with her and me clearly demonstrated gayness/lesbianess. It doesnt take a rocket science to notice this isnt a normal platonic female to female friendship, but for some reason my girl's family and friends don't believe the 50 year old is gay. They dont seem to realize there are "out the closet gays", "down low gays" aka hidden gays)

When I first met her, she wanted me to drop all my female friends in a matter of weeks. All this while we worked at the same job, but somewhat different, so our time was limited. When I did go see her after I got off her 50 year old friend would be texting her phone calling her back to the 50 year olds house. She was always sleeping at the 50 year old's house with her husband there too esp on Friday and Saturday nights. So in my mind, I felt she was a swinger. Past a child's and teenager's bed time( past 12 am or so), she wouldnt pick up her phone when she was at her 50 friend's house all while 50 year old's husband was there too. Plus at work we would talk about Facebook, and my girlfriend before she was my girlfriend, mentioned how she had a beautiful woman on her list she has a crush on. She began talking about how this woman took her pictures off Facebook. I questioned her with the intense words " have a crush on", she responded "Most women crush on other women, I don't mean a crush like a man would crush on a woman, I mean she's beautiful".

Then she would refer to the 50 year old as her "Girlfriend". Some terms are outdated. As in other decades, the term "Gay" meant happy. I tried to explain to many today when a woman refers to another woman as "Girlfriend" people will automatically think your gay. She said she went back and spoke to another female friend ( Not the 50 year old), and that friend said what I am saying isnt true, and its perfectly fine for women to refer to other women to strangers as "Girlfriend". The reason why I say strangers, is because at that time she wasnt my girlfriend, she was just a person I had met at work.

Not to mention, I have heard my girlfriend's former husband speak on the phone, and the man sounds effeminate and gay. Some men have light voices and others have deeper one's, but this man pronounces his words with a womanly sound. I don't know if they had an open relationship, because this man sounds mighty gay, and all of this going on with her. Her former husband as she says was nothing more then a drunk sexual partner for her. He didnt take care of husbandly responsibilities, put her down, and talk down to her. She even said he always wanted to be around his male friends especially after work. I personally would rather be at home with my wife over my male friend's houses taking care of my family as a man.

I thought she may have been a bi swinger before with 50 year old friend and her gay or bisexual husband, now her's a new couple popping up in her life. I wonder if that may have been why she ended it with 50 year old.

Why does it have to be so weird ? She says she got the man's number at a place she works at for a company that is contracted. She says the man saw her doing her contracted worked, and told her he has a job for her. She says soon the man put him in contact with his wife, and they requested she do her contracted work at their houses.

All sounds weird and questionable, and she cant put herself in my shoes. All i get is irate words and tones thrown at me, but I am not the one sleeping at married couples houses or taking down their numbers....

My life is simple, why cant her's be ?
 

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Discussion Starter #2
We've deleted her ex husband's friends and family off her contact list on her phone. Mysteriously they're all back on her phone. She was very hostile towards her ex, but now she's being more civil with him.

For example, I tell her she's giving him too much detail on her life. He's her ex. As with my ex wife, we only talk about our kids, and that is it. I dont ask her any personal details, nor does she.

But her ex is asking all sorts of personal questions all a sudden.
 

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Sounds like all of this is driving you crazy - way too much drama for you.

You say you want a simple life & I assume drama-free.

Maybe she isn't the right woman for you?
 

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You say "WE" took the numbers off. But then SHE put them back on. Sounds like you gave her an ultimatum and all it did was teach her to lie to you and sneak.

Doesn't work.

The only thing that works is when YOU say "I will not stay with you if you lie to me" and then you proceed to leave her if you catch her lying again.

Are you prepared to give a consequence?
 

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You say "WE" took the numbers off. But then SHE put them back on. Sounds like you gave her an ultimatum and all it did was teach her to lie to you and sneak.

Doesn't work.

The only thing that works is when YOU say "I will not stay with you if you lie to me" and then you proceed to leave her if you catch her lying again.

Are you prepared to give a consequence?
This....and dont bluff.

Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Discussion Starter #6
You say "WE" took the numbers off. But then SHE put them back on. Sounds like you gave her an ultimatum and all it did was teach her to lie to you and sneak.

Doesn't work.

The only thing that works is when YOU say "I will not stay with you if you lie to me" and then you proceed to leave her if you catch her lying again.

Are you prepared to give a consequence?
She said they were probably re added via Itunes
 

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Ok, then, hold out your hand, and say let me look at your phone. So you can look for texts and calls. See what she does.
 

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Maybe I've been married too long, so I'll cut to the chase. If this woman is only a GF and you're not married, then why are you putting so much time and effort into trying to make this work? I always thought that when you are seeing someone, and that someone is not a fiance, then your primary goal is to determine how compatible you are with this person and if you can love this person that you are dating. Seeing someone is not supposed to be hard work because the objective is to cut ties and move on as soon as you realize that the person you are dating has issues or personality traits that are too much for you to handle.

Unless I'm mistaken, the dating and even "going steady" concepts is more of a time of filtering out incompatible people. It's pretty obvious that this girl is not compatible with the values, and views that you have for an ideal mate. IMHO, cut ties and move on - she failed your criteria.
 
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