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I've been in my current relationship for over 4 years. I'm trying to figure out whether the thoughts I'm having are crazy or if they make sense to anyone else. So any advice/insight would be greatly appreciated.

There's this certain group of people that my bf just can't say no to. He will do anything and everything they want. They're nice to me but I just don't seem to fit in and I'm being dragged to places with these people and I'm starting to feel overloaded with them and don't want to be around them. I feel like they're stealing him away from me. They're always calling and texting each other when I'm not around and making plans and it's always last minute that I find out there's something going on. We don't get private one-on-one time or even go on dates but he can clear his schedule for these people. I feel like I'm not important enough, that they're more important than me. It's bad enough that the wife's (of the group) birthday falls on the same day as our anniversary and somehow, it's managed to ruin our anniversary every year. My bf, his son, and the husband are going to Florida to day after Christmas so the son can pick up his car from my bf ex-wife. It was supposed to be an all guys trip just for a few days. I told him that it would turn into a giant party and everyone would end up there and guess what, now the whole family is going. I wasn't directly invited and I can't get off work because my boss will be gone so I get to spend Christmas and New Years alone this year while he's with his "other family" as I like to call it. I feel hurt, left out, unimportant, sad, angry, mad, and I'm really starting to not like these people. It's just too much, an overload of them. He doesn't see it because these people can do no wrong in his eyes. At the beginning of our relationship, I told myself that these people would be the death of our relationship and it looks like it's headed that way. They're nice people in general and they are nice to me but I don't fit in and I feel like an outsider and left out when I'm around them.

Another issue, my bf has a 16 year old son that has no responsibilities around the house whatsoever. He can't even put his dirty dishes in the sink, they don't even make it downstairs. They sit at the top of the steps for days and it drives me nuts until I pick them up. I don't live at the house and there's time I can't wait to get away from it because it's a constant mess and I feel more like a maid. I stopped picking up and cleaning for a week and finally someone noticed that the house was dirty and I told them that I stopped on purpose because it shouldn't always fall on me to clean up messes that aren't mine, there are 2 grown men in the house and their hands aren't painted on. It changed for about a week and went right back to crap again. The son thinks he should get everything he wants and if he doesn't get it from his dad, he'll call his mom in Florida and complain that his dad won't buy him what he wants and then his mom gets it for him. The dad (and I) pay for everything for the son and the mother doesn't pay anything. He covers health insurance, auto insurance, $12,000 high school tuition a year (the kid is failing too), along with all the other utility bills. I have changed my school and work schedules to make sure that I have the time to pick him up from school and take him/pick him up from football practice between me working full time and going to school full time. I feel completely taken advantage of and the son is ungrateful in my mind. He's rude, ill-mannered, lazy, and irresponsible. He doesn't talk to me unless he wants something and I'm trying to have a relationship with him but I'm not his mom and he doesn't want to have anything to do with me until he needs something. I feel like all that I'm doing is being overlooked and all I want is a simple thank you. I make about $250 a week with no benefits and I pay all my own bills and tuition. I don't want to depend on someone else to take care of me because they may not always be there. I still use my own money to pay for football camp ($200 a week), school supplies, football fees, a required iPad from the school for students to do homework on ($200), and the fees just keep piling up because it's a private school. I usually end up broke but everyone else can waste their money on stupid stuff or not even offer to pay at all.

I have so much going on in my head and I'm rambling. I feel taken advantage of, kicked to the curb, lost, lonely, sad, angry, used, betrayed, unimportant, like I'm just there to be a maid, bank, and chauffeur. I feel like I give more than I receive but I don't complain because it's not going to change anything. Not once do I get a foot rub or a hot bath, no I get dirty dishes that are stuck to the carpet because of the syrup or dog mess in the house because someone wouldn't let them outside before they left for school, nothing to eat when I get there because someone sits in front of the tv and plays games all day. It falls on me to go to the grocery store and spend my money on food that's not for me and that I won't be eating. Sometimes I offer because money is tight and other times I feel like I'm nicely guilt-tripped into it. I love the guy but I feel like I've come along too late in his life for him to love me the way I want. We don't do anything together, we don't go on vacations (he goes with other people, just not me), we don't go on dates. It doesn't feel genuine anymore, most of it feels forced but he swears that it's not. He's 43 and I'm 28 so obviously there are things that we're not going to have in common.

I just want to know if what I'm feeling and thinking is crazy or if there's true to it. I have acquaintances, not friends. I tried friends but they all turned out to be the same way so I just walked away. I was in a previous relationship (worst experience of my life) and it's very hard for me to trust people and I am very good and per-determining what's going to happen long before it does. All I want is a little respect and some affection but I feel like I'm not worth it.
 

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None of that chaos makes sense to me. I honestly can't see what you are getting out of the relationship.
 

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I think what you say makes good sense to me.

It sounds to me that you need to have a serious discussion with your SO about your grievances and where your relationship is going. If it does not go as you wish, you should be prepared to walk. You are easily young enough to find some one who treats you better.
 

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And what are the good things about this relationship?
Why would you want to stay? Just because you love him? Even if he seems not be very interested in YOU?:scratchhead:
 

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From reading your post I must question what your idea of 'love' is?

Love is not a fuzzy feeling. Love is how you are treated/how you treat someone . . . . you are not being loved.

Ask yourself if you still want to be in this situation in 5 years.

Is it time to cut your losses?
 
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