Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife just recently packed up everything and left me, we are both 21 and we live with my grandparents. We are both full time students and finals just passed. She had finals the day after she left me. I talked to her recently and she yelled at me over the phone. I would prefer for us to meet in person. In my mind right now i am trying to take this as good as i can, and i figured just going about this as if she never left, i make dinner for 2, i say good morning to her side of the bed, i text her and email her. Am i losing my mind or something? I know i should give her space and time but i am not sure what i can do because since i do not have an answer of whether she wants a divorce or not i can not do anything. I want to get a job but i do not know what is going to happen. Right now i am taking things day by day and i havent heard from her in a few days. I really need help and i wont be able to see my counselor for a few weeks til the holidays are done. I do not want to spend Christmas without my wife it would be devastating for me to go through that. Advice is greatly appreciated and i am desperate for help.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
975 Posts
I'm sorry you're here, hon.

Your wife wants out of the marriage.

There is nothing you can do to change that.

The texts and emails will only solidify her decision to divorce you.

Let her go and work on yourself.

It sounds like, with school and all, you have a lot to keep you busy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
its only been 5 days and honestly right now she hasn't told me why she wants out or a reason, she really points the finger at my family more than me, i think the reasons are wrong but i know this is what i should do but she is not giving me my right to know why?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
975 Posts
There could be any number of reasons.

But, I'd bet my house that she won't tell you the real one.

Walk away spouses quickly perfect the art of blame-shifting.

Her unhappiness is all YOUR fault.

Of course it's not, but it makes sense to her, because that thought alleviates her own guilt.

About the five days thing...

It doesn't matter if it's been five minutes.

She left.

She knew what she was doing.

Again, I'm sorry you're here, but begging for her to come home will not work - now, or ever.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
You both are young (not knocking you just explaining my reasoning). When you are as young as you guys are, it often doesn't take much to make one of you want to leave. As you get older you learn to accept some behaviors with a grain of salt because they aren't deal breakers. When you are young it doesn't take much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
85 Posts
I'm going through the same exact thing now. She has been moved out for since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.
Any contact I make I bring us up and the whole situation and she doesn't want to work it out, so steer clear of that.
Don't make contact, don't beg, don't plead. I've done it all and I wish I didn't because it does nothing for you.

Give her space and just wait it out. What happens happens and there's nothing you can do sadly. The ball is in her court.

Trust me I know it's hard to stanby I've been trying to cope with it for awhile now but you're in a better situation... My wife has already gave me one set of D papers to sign and waiting for the last set.

Stay strong.

“If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if not it wasn’t meant to be.”
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
i think starting tomorrow i am not going to contact her. I find comfort in calling her and knowing the phone rings, but she ignores it. It is just really hard because we had been to counseling and were getting ready to do what we work towards, and for me the way i see it is she blames my family for trying to do something. It is the holidays and honestly this is super hard. She hasnt filed for divorce as i know of. I am willing to do what it takes to save this marriage, because she immigrated her and left her family and she isnt going back to her home country, i think i give myself hope knowing she is staying here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
85 Posts
i think starting tomorrow i am not going to contact her. I find comfort in calling her and knowing the phone rings, but she ignores it. It is just really hard because we had been to counseling and were getting ready to do what we work towards, and for me the way i see it is she blames my family for trying to do something. It is the holidays and honestly this is super hard. She hasnt filed for divorce as i know of. I am willing to do what it takes to save this marriage, because she immigrated her and left her family and she isnt going back to her home country, i think i give myself hope knowing she is staying here.
I'm the same way but I tried to call and she didn't answer, and if I texted her about us it was ignored.
Go dark with her, believe me I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix mine too, but it takes two to work on a marriage. We're in the same boat we would do anything and she isn't budging.

I find the best thing to do is to have no communication and play the worst scenario in your head and begin living your life by that scenario.
Ex. Mine is she will not want to work this out, there is no chance, and the divorce will go thru so I live day to day thinking that and living by it that way if it does happen, you have already begun preparing yourself for the worst case so it will be easier on yourself.

If she does come back and wants to work it out.. Well you and only you know how you will feel and what you will do to make things different from there
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
221 Posts
i think starting tomorrow i am not going to contact her. I find comfort in calling her and knowing the phone rings, but she ignores it. It is just really hard because we had been to counseling and were getting ready to do what we work towards, and for me the way i see it is she blames my family for trying to do something. It is the holidays and honestly this is super hard. She hasnt filed for divorce as i know of. I am willing to do what it takes to save this marriage, because she immigrated her and left her family and she isnt going back to her home country, i think i give myself hope knowing she is staying here.
Did she immigrate as a student or as your spouse?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
975 Posts
i think starting tomorrow i am not going to contact her. I find comfort in calling her and knowing the phone rings, but she ignores it. It is just really hard because we had been to counseling and were getting ready to do what we work towards, and for me the way i see it is she blames my family for trying to do something. It is the holidays and honestly this is super hard. She hasnt filed for divorce as i know of. I am willing to do what it takes to save this marriage, because she immigrated her and left her family and she isnt going back to her home country, i think i give myself hope knowing she is staying here.
I'm not trying to offend you, but is there any possibility she used you for immigration?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,788 Posts
Sorry man, but I think you got used, and once she found some guy to replace you she bailed.

My thought process is based on the fact that she is to ashamed to face her evil intentions so she hides from you.

She justifies your actions by blameshifting and rewriteing the relationship history.

Of course I could be wrong and you haven't been replaced, but it still doesn't explain the lack of confronting you with "I love you but I'm not in love with you" hell she just bailed with no reason....who does that enless they have such a shameful reason she can't even face it her self.

For what its worth she may come to find out that the grass is not greener on the other side and come crawling back. You can always be her plan B if you wait long enough.

As painful as this is I believe you owe it to your self to get your self respect back and go dark. Let her go.

Its not what knocks you down that matters, its how you get back up that counts!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
well more info, she did not use me i know this for a FACT...although it looks like she did, i know she didnt. She is not the type to cheat, she is a hard driven person who wants things done now, but she doesnt realize things can not happen as fast as she wants...she can be stubborn but i love her for her drive to succeed in life
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
i know that is the stereotypical thing to assume, but for now assumptions are evil (i have always believed that) so i am leaving out the cheating til i have full proof
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top