[crazywife]

I'm not really sure where to start explaining whats going on so I'll give it my best shot. I'll start by saying that I've been clinically diagnosed with depression and struggle with it more than I'd like to admit. I've been having a really tough time lately as it seems like my husband has pulled away from me and isn't as affectionate as he used to be. We aren't intimate very often, and if we are it is because I have initiated it. I was talking with him last night after we'd had a couple of drinks and he mentions that he would be ok with me sleeping with other people as long as I told him who it was first. I was very obviously sad about that, and he tells me not to take it so personally. That he has never been a clingy possessive person.

I have started to wonder about our relationship because of such things as I mentioned above. He was also caught talking to other women through email and text a few months ago. He had been talking to women the entire time we've been dating. He has stopped since the last time I caught him and I now monitor his email address and have permission to look at his phone whenever I feel the need.

I worry that my depression has caused me to be an unstable and bad wife. I feel the need to leave the relationship even though he insists he loves me very much. I still love him but I don't want to go to bed crying every night feeling like I have no one to talk to.

My question is, am I being too sensitive about the whole thing? Has anyone else dealt with someone who thought like this?

 

[A Bit Much]

Unless your husband has been into open relationships all along, I find his comments about you seeking others to sleep with very disturbing. This isn't about your depression. This sounds like he's already found himself in the cheating way and it would clear his conscience if you were that way too.

 

[crazywife]

Thanks for replying A Bit Much. Open relationships was discussed at one point but it was decided that it wasn't an option. I have always been adamant that I wouldn't want him to be with anyone else but he still says that I can be with other people if I want to. I am bisexual and he actually encouraged me to find a woman to be with besides him. He said he didn't care as long as I still came home to him at night. I've never been comfortable with the idea of sharing him with anyone, and felt guilt with the idea of being with someone else. I'm so confused with what to do with our relationship.

 

[A Bit Much]

Thanks for replying A Bit Much. Open relationships was discussed at one point but it was decided that it wasn't an option. I have always been adamant that I wouldn't want him to be with anyone else but he still says that I can be with other people if I want to. I am bisexual and he actually encouraged me to find a woman to be with besides him. He said he didn't care as long as I still came home to him at night. I've never been comfortable with the idea of sharing him with anyone, and felt guilt with the idea of being with someone else. I'm so confused with what to do with our relationship.

It doesn't sound like the two of you are on the same page.

He wants an open relationship and you don't. That's an incompatibility, and a pretty strong one. What is his explanation of his distance from you?

 

[MattMatt]

I think this needs to be moved to the Coping with infidelity section. Ask a moderator to do this.

His remark is either a red flag or a signal rocket.
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