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@CharlieParker that's one of the issues here. She doesn't like the "you do me now , I'll do you later" Routine.. Either we both get off together, or neither of us get off. That is her approach to our sex life
I'm going to assume you started this thread as a way to ask for advice and not as a way to seek validation for your position. So having said that....

You say you've been married 18 years and she's been like this the whole time. After 18 years together, the likelihood of her changing is very slim. My recommendation is to find ways for you to both mutually find sexual satisfaction during her periods rather than trying to change her "both get off or neither do" viewpoint.

Has she ever tried Soft Cups? They are disposable diaphragms that cover the cervix and act as a catch basin. She can wear one for penetrative sex so as to make things less messy.

Have you two tried shower sex during her periods? Great way to keep things cleaner and possibly get some oral for you.
 

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It seems that this could be resolved by her letting you know when her period is about to start and for the two of you to have sex before her period starts or when it hasn't gotten heavy enough for either of you to be bothered by it. (since you said that both of you are okay with it if it's not heavy)

Getting you all hot and bothered and then saying no is teasing and unkind. That could be resolved with good communication to begin with so that doesn't happen.

If she gets turned on by you being turned on, but it frustrates her not to be able to have piv, then it would be teasing her to get her all hot and bothered without release. It goes both ways.
 

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@FeministInPink Oh no! That's means there'll have to be a separate load of laundry to wash cause she won't want to mix that with our usual dirty linens.. when I accidentally climax on the sheets even just one drop everything needs to be washed there's no sleeping in those Cum stained sheets. So sorry towels or rubber sheets wont do. She'd rather not have any sexy time
 

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We both would not have penetrative sex while I am on period. We are clear on that.
There are other things to do than penetration. Why not discuss the options and choose which you both might want.
 

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@Lila yes we've done shower sex it has been fine that way, don't think she'd try the cervix cup though. @FeministInPink we've had discussions on sexual satisfaction through other means she's stubborn and only wants PIV she says why use toys, fingers etc... When she has an available penis for her pleasure. @CynthiaDe we've also had discussions about her cylce and perhaps doing it before it starts. She does not like to schedule sex. Says it has to happen naturally or spontaneously.. I understand that it goes both ways.
 

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@CynthiaDe we've also had discussions about her cylce and perhaps doing it before it starts. She does not like to schedule sex. Says it has to happen naturally or spontaneously.. I understand that it goes both ways.
It's not all about her. (I wouldn't recommend saying that to her though.) In a marriage we think of each other's needs as important as our own and we work together for the benefit of the relationship. I would recommend telling her that this is not working for you and ask her to help you find a solution, because scheduled or not, you feel your needs are not currently being given full consideration in the relationship, which isn't doing either of you any good. You cannot work through this on your own. You two have to cooperate to find a solution.

One thing you might consider is keeping a calendar of your own with her periods, so you know when to expect it and how long it's going to last. Then she doesn't have to schedule it, but you will know when to approach her.
 

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It's not all about her. (I wouldn't recommend saying that to her though.) In a marriage we think of each other's needs as important as our own and we work together for the benefit of the relationship. I would recommend telling her that this is not working for you and ask her to help you find a solution, because scheduled or not, you feel your needs are not currently being given full consideration in the relationship, which isn't doing either of you any good. You cannot work through this on your own. You two have to cooperate to find a solution.



One thing you might consider is keeping a calendar of your own with her periods, so you know when to expect it and how long it's going to last. Then she doesn't have to schedule it, but you will know when to approach her.


LOVE this!!


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It's not all about her. (I wouldn't recommend saying that to her though.) In a marriage we think of each other's needs as important as our own and we work together for the benefit of the relationship. I would recommend telling her that this is not working for you and ask her to help you find a solution, because scheduled or not, you feel your needs are not currently being given full consideration in the relationship, which isn't doing either of you any good. You cannot work through this on your own. You two have to cooperate to find a solution.

One thing you might consider is keeping a calendar of your own with her periods, so you know when to expect it and how long it's going to last. Then she doesn't have to schedule it, but you will know when to approach her.
I think this is probably your best solution, given your wife's rigidity surrounding sex. Basically, YOU schedule it... but just don't ever let her know that you've been scheduling, so she believes it is spontaneous.

Normally, I believe in complete transparency in a marriage. But her narrow perception of what sex is and should be hasn't given you any other options. I think this is one time when it's ok to lie to your wife. When scheduling, make sure you work in some time for yourself for masturbation when she's on her period so you don't lose your mind.
 
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