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Hello Everyone, I'd like some insight on this. There's times when we get things heated with foreplay, she'll mention she's on her period and doesn't want things to get messy so we'll stop. Occasionally I'll ask her to jerk me off instead. Her reply will be "No, I don't get nothing out of it, & I'm gonna want penetration. So I'm left aroused and a bit frustrated So I'll go masturbate "something she does not approve" so I try to be quick about it. So I'm not sure if I'm wrong for asking her or she's being selfish.
 

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Hello Everyone, I'd like some insight on this. There's times when we get things heated with foreplay, she'll mention she's on her period and doesn't want things to get messy so we'll stop. Occasionally I'll ask her to jerk me off instead. Her reply will be "No, I don't get nothing out of it, & I'm gonna want penetration. So I'm left aroused and a bit frustrated So I'll go masturbate "something she does not approve" so I try to be quick about it. So I'm not sure if I'm wrong for asking her or she's being selfish.
I think she's being selfish, She should at least give the heads up about the period before getting hot and heavy.
 

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So you don't know she is on her period until you guys start foreplay? If so, then yes, she should at least give you a heads up before any foreplay begins. i don't think her not wanting to jerk you off is selfish per se, but would be selfish if she is leading you on by not saying anything about her period ...
 

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It sounds like she's is the one against having sex on her period. Are you ok with having sex while she has her period? If you would be ok with it, and she's the one saying that she doesn't want sex on her period, it's really unfair of her to expect you to be celibate (and not masturbate) for that entire 5-7 day period. It's actually pretty cruel, in my book.

I would think a generous partner who cared about your sexual satisfaction would offer oral or manual stimulation if they refused PIV sex (with the obvious exceptions of illness, etc.). To have the attitude of "if I'm not getting any, you're not getting any" is pretty childish. She may not get anything out of it, but the act brings YOU joy, so I don't understand why she is so opposed to it. Does she not want you to be happy?

Now, obviously, this is your first post, so I don't know anything about the dynamics of your relationship outside of the one post above. Assuming the rest of your relationship is healthy and happy, the above would apply. But if your relationship involves dysfunctional dynamics or unhealthy behaviors, there is probably more at play here than "is one of us being selfish?" Nothing happens in a vacuum, and if there is one problem in your relationships, you would do best to look at the relationship as a whole rather than just that individual issue.
 

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Hello Everyone, I'd like some insight on this. There's times when we get things heated with foreplay, she'll mention she's on her period and doesn't want things to get messy so we'll stop. Occasionally I'll ask her to jerk me off instead. Her reply will be "No, I don't get nothing out of it, & I'm gonna want penetration. So I'm left aroused and a bit frustrated So I'll go masturbate "something she does not approve" so I try to be quick about it. So I'm not sure if I'm wrong for asking her or she's being selfish.
Yes, if she is getting you all excited and then waiting until then to tell you she needs to stop, and then she won't help YOU....she is being selfish.
 

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If she is on her period then why does she even
start anything. That is being selfish, but I wonder
about relationship. What happens during the other
three weeks a month ?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
@FeministInPink we're both ok with having sex on her period, sometimes I guess it's heavy so there's a definite no go on both ends. She does have the "I'm not getting any so you're not" mentality when it's the time of the month. We've been married 18yrs so our relationship has had issues, things we've worked through and came out stronger. She sees masturbation as a wasted erection when she's there available for me to penetrate. So no matter what the scenario it comes down to penetration or nothing.
 

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@sa58 it's not that she starts something, it'll just be kissing,hugging, & rubbing usually from either one of us. This happens often, there is times though when I'm aroused but shot down due to Aunt Flow and as I mentioned "if she's not getting penetration".... BJ's or manual stimulation from her is off the table
 

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@FeministInPink we're both ok with having sex on her period, sometimes I guess it's heavy so there's a definite no go on both ends. She does have the "I'm not getting any so you're not" mentality when it's the time of the month. We've been married 18yrs so our relationship has had issues, things we've worked through and came out stronger. She sees masturbation as a wasted erection when she's there available for me to penetrate. So no matter what the scenario it comes down to penetration or nothing.
Well, if you can't penetrate her because she says no because on her period, then it's not wasted, is it?

It would be one thing if you chose masturbation over having sex with her (which would be wrong on so many levels). But she's saying no to PIV sex after you've gotten excited. And it's your body. If you want to have an orgasm, you can have an orgasm if you want. She doesn't OWN your body, but her behavior indicates that she thinks she does, and that she has the right to decide what you do with your body.

As my handle would indicate, I'm a feminist, and ownership of and autonomy over one's own body is a big issue and a right that feminism strives for. The standard feminist argument is obviously focused on women's autonomy of their own body, but this right belongs to men as well. Your body and your genitals didn't become her property when you married. Yes, you vowed to not put your penis in another woman's vagina, but your penis and the rest of your body still belongs to you and you decide what to do with them. She didn't get the right to make those decisions when you guys got married.
 

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@sa58 it's not that she starts something, it'll just be kissing,hugging, & rubbing usually from either one of us. This happens often, there is times though when I'm aroused but shot down due to Aunt Flow and as I mentioned "if she's not getting penetration".... BJ's or manual stimulation from her is off the table
I'm just... I'm so sorry. I'm just really sorry.
 

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Is there some history here? Has there ever been a time in your relationship when she would give you stand-alone oral or manual orgasms and you weren't doing the same for her? How often do give her an orgasm without expectation of reciprocation? Is it possible that she feels like you're asking for favors that are unlikely to be returned?
 

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Discussion Starter #16
@Rowan yes she has given oral before, some manual stimulation but never to climax. I've returned the favor as well. She prefers orgasm through penetration, which is why I feel she might think it's not fair if she provides oral or manual orgasm for me while she is on her period and she gets nothing in return because she enjoys orgasm through penetration and doesn't want to make a mess in the sheets.
 

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@Rowan yes she has given oral before, some manual stimulation but never to climax. I've returned the favor as well. She prefers orgasm through penetration, which is why I feel she might think it's not fair if she provides oral or manual orgasm for me while she is on her period and she gets nothing in return because she enjoys orgasm through penetration and doesn't want to make a mess in the sheets.
How old are you 2?

Forget the selfish issue, we were somewhat similar, the intercourse was great so that's what we did. But as we got older the intercourse got less reliable and we needed to expand the repertoire. That included more I'll do you now, I know you'll do me later. YMMV.
 

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@CharlieParker that's one of the issues here. She doesn't like the "you do me now , I'll do you later" Routine.. Either we both get off together, or neither of us get off. That is her approach to our sex life
 

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@Rowan yes she has given oral before, some manual stimulation but never to climax. I've returned the favor as well. She prefers orgasm through penetration, which is why I feel she might think it's not fair if she provides oral or manual orgasm for me while she is on her period and she gets nothing in return because she enjoys orgasm through penetration and doesn't want to make a mess in the sheets.
Dude. USE TOWELS.

They also make rubber sheets, if you didn't know.
 

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@CharlieParker that's one of the issues here. She doesn't like the "you do me now , I'll do you later" Routine.. Either we both get off together, or neither of us get off. That is her approach to our sex life
Again, selfish. If I took that approach with my last BF, we would have never had sex. (Not going into it here.)

Most women don't climax through PIV anyway, so "you now, me later" is the standard for MOST people's sex lives. The guy makes sure she gets hers first, either through oral, manual, or other fun stuff, and then he gets his through PIV (or other).

"Getting off together" is NOT standard by any means. Very few couples simultaneously orgasm.
 
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