[foozlemonster]

I'll try to keep this short. My wife and I have been married for three years. In that three years, we have had two children. Lately we have been working on our sex life, as it fell apart while having the kids. One day blow jobs got brought up. My wife stated that she does not want to do them anymore. She says they always make her think of her past and she feels guilty. She evidently use to do this for a married cop before we got together. At first I was understanding and decided to not ask for them anymore. Now, it eats at me that her past baggage is affecting our current sexual relationship. Thoughts?
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[costa200]

I'll give you a thought or two. When women start cutting on the sexual quality (stop doing things they did before without problem) it's because they are losing interest in you. They feel they have you hooked, and since you aren't going anywhere they can slack off on the sex and stop putting effort in it. Usually that goes hand in hand with increase body weight and a general letting themselves go.

You gotta keep her on her toes and make her realize you're not happy with this. Don't threaten or be angry. Just calmly tell her that you like them and that if she chooses to hurt your sex life due to her past baggage (why is this only coming up now? Because she was convincing you to be with her, now after two kids you're strapped in tight) you will have to re-evaluate where you stand in her life and where she stands in yours.

Don't let her wonder about it. SEX matters for men (and women) and so does the quality of sexual acts.

 

[CandieGirl]

Don't put up with it, coming from a fellow 'bait and switch' victim; 'cept in my case, I'm a woman...very rare to be baited and switched as a woman!

 

[Toffer]

Do you perform oral on her? If so, you need to stop until the two of you work this out!

 

[40isthenew20]

How about 69? Is she cutting all oral out for you (even as foreplay) or just doesn't want to give you those BJs where it's just you getting ff for the night?

 

[foozlemonster]

I've hinged at it, but never really talked to her about it directly. I feel like an ass for bringing up her past and telling her to get over it, but from 5 years ago, she needs to let it go.

Excuse my ignorance, but what is 'bait and switch'?

I do give oral often, and she enjoys it. I may have to try that. She has stopped them all together. Won't even give me a hand job. Won't try anal with me b/c she did it with another guy and didn't like it. I feel like I get the leftovers from all her past relationships. I try to be understanding and not base our relationship on sex.
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[Liam]

It's unfair that her past experiences affect your sexual relationship like this. Actually, it's unfair that she lets them. Telling her to 'get over it', as tempting as it is, just isn't going to work. But maybe if you explain that your relationship is YOUR relationship and the past has no impact on it whatsoever(or at least shouldn't).

Of course, I am assuming that this issue she has is a genuine one, and this isn't a manipulation thing like some of the other posters have mentioned. Really hope that isn't the case, but from what you have said, it wouldn't surprise me.

 

[67flh]

bait and switch is basically,doing sex act BEFORE you were married,THEN acting like they always hated doing them AFTER you were fooloish enough to marry her! all in all used sex to reel you in then shut you down...

 

[Omgitsjoe]

Do not accept her excuses. Granted sex and intimacy does not make a relationship but it nevertheless should still be an important aspect of it. It's bad enough she isnt willing to make love , offers bj's then backs off even that ??? Good luck !!

 

[Toffer]

So here's what you do regarding the oral. Stop doing it and when she asks why, tell her you thought she said oral was off the table!

 

[Dad&Hubby]

It's one thing for a spouse to have discovered what they like and don't like from previous sexual experiences. That's normal, and the anal thing may very well fall into that, but oral...come on. I hate to be this brash but she's found a way to give you less, which is pinning this on previous relationships.

I'd take oral off the table because that's not fair, I'd also DEMAND her to go to counseling, because if after 5 years, she's still hung up on these previous relationships, there's issues. If I were in your shoes, I'd have less of an issue with the what (not wanting to give BJs) and more of an issue with the why (because she gave them to a married man before...WTF?!)

 

[WorkingOnMe]

Ask her if she has any idea why that married guy she used to do it for was looking for it from someone other than his wife. Was it perhaps because his wife stopped doing it? So basically she's attempting to put you into the same position her old fling was in.

 

[Chris Taylor]

Just curious... are these BJ's in lieu of intercourse (as in "I'm not in the mood tonight but I'll give you a BJ.) or are you talking as part of foreplay?

 

[foozlemonster]

All of the above... My **** goes in her vagina. That's it.
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[Holland]

Nope don't put up with this. I call bull**** on this one, after 5 years, no she is making excuses and distancing herself from you.

 

[donny64]

I'll try to keep this short. My wife and I have been married for three years. In that three years, we have had two children. Lately we have been working on our sex life, as it fell apart while having the kids. One day blow jobs got brought up. My wife stated that she does not want to do them anymore. She says they always make her think of her past and she feels guilty. She evidently use to do this for a married cop before we got together. At first I was understanding and decided to not ask for them anymore. Now, it eats at me that her past baggage is affecting our current sexual relationship. Thoughts?
Posted via Mobile Device

Then I would say she needs counseling. This is typical "bait and switch" bullchit. She did it to "get you" and now that she's "got you" she thinks she can slack off. Show her that's NOT the case. Show her she can still lose you. It's complicated, but you don't "show her" by getting all pizzy and mopey about it, threatening, etc. You need to build up the attraction and sexual tension in your life. Start improving yourself. Start pulling back just a little (this is not a game...you are unhappy, are you not? So STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE!!!!). Stop settling for less than what she portrayed herself to be when she was trying to net you. That goes for all things in and out of the bedroom. And the same goes for you. If you're not acting in much the same manner as you were when you were trying to get her in your net, then that could be part of the problem.

Too much security breeds complacency. When you put up with this, you are enabling her complacency. Treat her well, and expect the same in return. If you're not getting the same in return, well.....

 

[foozlemonster]

So here's another aspect of this... Today we were both in a good mood and I told her that I was daydreaming about her. She replied with a smile. I then told her I dreamed of doing her on a table in her classroom. Nothing back. Asked her later jokingly, and she didn't reply. I've joked about her coming to my work and playing around, but she never has a response. My mind automatically goes to: she'll meet a married cop and suck him off multiple times, but she can't even joke around about it with her loving husband...
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[WorkingOnMe]

And yet you don't call her on it? Say exactly what you said here?

 

[WalterWhite]

Fooz, wear a cop uniform and threaten to bully club her with your love pipe. This well tested maneuver will at first scare your wife but it will also turn her on. She will grab your member and start slepping it against her tonsils. You will win back her heart and she will call you daddy. Give it a try and report back.

 

[RandomDude]

Why not play superior officer? It's always fun, and it's surprisingly a game that can evolve really with the roleplay, even includes playfighting. Really sharpens the acting skills too, hell I reckon my wife and I should make a porn film. We'd be MUCH BETTER ACTORS then the crap in porn lol