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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been always a jealous person... sometimes I control myself. Sometimes i can't.

I am always thinking that my husband is looking for any little moment to cheat on me. (I think he has before we got married, and I think he likes women's attention and won't let got an opportunity).

But, for example, if he says he's going to get a haircut, then I think "maybe he will get his haircut as quick as possible and then meet with some girl?"
If he's ever alone at home "Maybe he is going to invite some other girl while I am not at home and do stuff in our bed or our bathroom"
Or when he shaves twice a week "Why is he shaving so often? Does he want to look nice for some girl at work?
When he's 1/2 an hour late from work (he gets off at 2.00pm) "Maybe he goes and talk to some girl and is having fun?"
He works at a hotel and sometimes helps the waiters at the restaurant in the hotel andsometimes he has to work at night... "Maybe he's lying about working and just wants to got out with some sl*t???
At his job, "Maybe there's sl*tty girls at the hotel and he will do stuff with them?, There's a lot of places to go and have a quickie..."

And my mind goes on an on an on thinking like this about everything he does.


Now...

His cellphone: He almost never receives calls or texts while at home and when he has he knows I want to know who was that and he tells me. He barely uses it at home. I am not sure while working.

Going out: He almost never goes out. When he goes out by himself is like once or twice every two month? Maybe less... But... Two times after working at night, he went to a bar for some "drinks" with the other coworkers... And when he's been at parties twice he's been home with make up in the shirt and the other time with the shirt very smelly like cheap parfum.


And his routine will go like this:
Get up at 5.00am to go to work/ Get off at 2.00pm/ 3.00pm Pick up baby at my mom's/ 4.00pm Get home, take a shower, eat, do random stuff or sleep/ 6.30pm I get home, we talk a little bit or wacth tv, have dinner and hang around the house and sleep at around 9.00pm... and that's it.
On weekends we do things together or stay home. Go to his sister's house. Lately we are having some beers on Saturday nights (which gets us in the mood for wild sex) and do nothing on Sunday. It depends.


Again to my question.
Am I crazy thinking all this all the time?
What do you think?
Will he have a chance of cheating with his routine?
Will someone look for each opportunity to cheat?


Please, I think I might need help but I am not sure...
 

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Yes, child.... you need help.. you're gonna drive yourself insane with this constant suspicion. And eventually you'll push him away anyway. I had similar paranoia as a newlywed but it wasn't for cheating necessarily. But I got fet up and so did he. You gotta find some way to stop that kind of thinking. It'll eat you up!
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So you basically got him on 24/7 lock-down, right Warden? Yes, you have a problem. No man wants to live under tyranny like that. If my wife was like that it'd push me away quicker than nobody's business. I'd dream of one day having freedom.

Perhaps you should work on getting a grip on those insecurities. Would make life for you and your husband a lot better.
 

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Am I crazy thinking all this all the time?
Not sure if you're behavior qualifies as "crazy" but you're certainly well into the obsessive compulsive area, and you could very well make yourself nuts if you continue unabated.

What do you think?
Unless he's been deceptive to you in the past and/or he's doing the things cheaters do (go look it up), then you're getting yourself overly worried and anxious for no valid reasons other than your own insecurities which need to be addressed.

Will he have a chance of cheating with his routine?
Sure he could cheat. Unless you're with him 24/7 or you follow him with a camera he could be doing anything with anyone when he's not with you.

Will someone look for each opportunity to cheat?
I wouldn't, the next guy might, it's really only about what your husband might do.

Please, I think I might need help but I am not sure...
Yes, you need help, meds and/or talk therapy. If you want to make yourself feel better, throw a VAR under his car seat and a keylogger on his pc and check it from time to time.
 

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You should get IC for jealousy issues. Unless he has cheated on you before and you caught him red-handed, then you shouldn't be behaving like this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Well, I have never caught him before right in the moment. I don't want to think about anything before we got married because he was just a mess.
He behaves when he's with me. And he is a whole lot different person now that what he used to be. And I am happy with that.

But, I have caught him twice on FB trying to get close to two girls and nothing happened, I don't know if that was because I knew what he was planning or what. He has not been in contact with them anymore.

But there's always this fear. I snoop on his FB every single day and sometimes his cellphone :/ and I want to stop doing it but I think I will find something any day.
 

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"I snoop on his FB every single day and sometimes his cellphone :/"

How would you feel if he treated you like this?
 

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You need to knock it off. First step: Stop looking for something to validate your suspisions.
Second step: Get into IC asap for your insecurities.
Third Step: Do things for your self, get a hobbie, join a gym any thing to keep you busy so you are not stalking your own husband.

Yes you are looking for something to validate how you are feeling because you are insecure with your self and your relationship. Flip that wasted "stalking" energy into being a fun loving wife and let your H out of his cadge. If it feels hard to do, fake it 'till you make it. But if you do nothing you are going to end up in worse shape.

If he is actually doing something you will notice after you back off and can think out side the obsession of his possible cheating. Your head will be clear and you will know it is not something your jealous mind made up to validate your feelings.
 

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But there's always this fear. I snoop on his FB every single day and sometimes his cellphone :/ and I want to stop doing it but I think I will find something any day.
Does he know that you're snooping? If so, he may leave FB "clean" and find other ways to cheat.
 

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Borderline Personality Disorder. Ask your doctor for phenelzine

Efficacy of phenelzine and haloperidol i... [Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1993] - PubMed - NCBI
Results: Three-way comparisons between groups indicated superior efficacy for phenelzine, followed by placebo and haloperidol on measures of depression, borderline psychopathologic symptoms, and anxiety. Pairwise comparisons between medication and placebo revealed significant efficacy for phenelzine against anger and hostility but no efficacy against atypical depression or hysteroid dysphoria. We were unable to replicate prior reports of efficacy for the neuroleptic.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I didn't think I had a disorder. I mean, I know I am Co-dependent, but maybe sometimes I go too far? I behave "well", but when I am not "in control" I go mad...

He said once: "You want me to be ALWAYS right next to you Venusina, and that's not right" and "Well, I guess you want to put a camera on me 24/7" and "I want some day to go out and come back home and everything's fine with you, and the next day to be a normal day, but every time I go out you change your face from :) to :mad::banghead: like for two days".

And, no, he does not know I have his FB password but he knows I sometimes snoop on his cell and has actually told me he erases some stuff because he knows I will get mad. Of course I hate the fact that he erases stuff! And I know I am not being fair/honest or whatever. I am being so unfair, because he trusts me (of course, he knows what he has).

I almost never do drama... because I am trying my hardest not to do it. But whenever he goes out without me (again, this happens around 6 times at the month in one whole year) I just can't get over my fears... And either I get really angry at him or depressed. I'll stop talking to him like in 4 days and then I'll start missing him and I'll be ready to talk to him or hug him...

:/
 

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It's still a problem on your part, your trying hard to internalise it but the inappropriate thoughts are still there and pervading your life in unproductive ways. Seek medical and psychological help.
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Venusina, yes, you likely have an obsessive-compulsive disorder. And you've got a lot of courage to give such an honest description of what you're thinking and feeling.

Your man is human, and you're acting like being human is not okay. If you look long enough and hard enough for signs of wrongdoing, you'll find them. Sure, it'll be a complete overreaction on your part most of the time, but eventually he'll figure out that you're determined to make him out to be a bad guy. If he is going to be treated like he's guilty of messing around, he might as well enjoy the benefits. If he doesn't feel that way now, keep doing what you're doing and he'll get there.
 

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Sorry OP, yes you're a little over the top and need to figure out how to process the feelings of jealousy that come up with your husband. But your thread does give me an excuse to post a cool picture.

Try not to be like this guy:

 

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He behaves when he's with me. And he is a whole lot different person now that what he used to be. And I am happy with that.
He behaves? What is he, your dog?

What did he used to be?

You realize,, don't you, that jealousy is YOUR problem, it's because of YOUR low self esteem, YOUR self worth problems. If you loved yourself, you wouldn't even consider him cheating because you'd know that you're worth loving.

Are you in therapy? That's the first thing you need to do.
 
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