Also you said that he goes to church. If he resists counseling maybe he would agree to talk to his pastor? With or without you if that is what it takes?You really need to talk to your H and find out what is happening both between the two of you and with the other woman.
My wife recently retired from a lead position at a large organization. She had been there and hired many of the people that worked for her. With the pandemic things got really crazy where she worked. She no longer had the energy or will to deal with all the problems, especially those dealing with reduced funding. Even after two years since she retired, she still gets calls from people she use to supervise to ask questions on how to try to get things done. She also gets invited to group lunches, where old friends share stories. At times when she hears some of the things people are putting up with and the lack of leadership and support they get, she feels very guilty for retiring. Yet, she knows it was the right decision. The point is your spouse may feel some sense of responsibility (and guilt) for no longer being at his PD Chief position, where he shielded people from politics and craziness. Find out if that is what is going on with him.
When you talk to your H, tell him that you understand how stressfull his past job was and that you support his decision to have left. Tell him that you understand his loyalty to those who worked for him and that you like and admire this woman. But also tell him, that even if it is not justified, you can get jealous and have feelings of insecurity that he talks to her so much. You just need reassurances from him that you have no reason to be jealous and that you can trust him. Make sure you tell him that you have personal boundaries and that you will not stand for any emotional or physical affairs and you expect him to honor his vows of marriage.
Then tell him, you want to become intimate with him again. Ask if the two of you might want to start some marriage counseling sessions just to put everything back together. Tell him that you miss the intimacy and closeness you use to feel.