[ida]

I am a stay at home mom with a 5 year old and a 7 month old. My husband works a lot of hours during the spring and fall (one of the reasons why I have to be a stay at home mom not that I am complaining) when we first got married my husband was so wonderful and he treated me like gold and I know things change but latel home, when he does come home he doesn’t talk he doesn’t hold me or kiss me like he use to, I’m not oblivious to the fay he doesn’t even treat me like I exists, he stays out till midnight or 2 am one night a couple weeks ago he went out and didn’t even bother to come home or even tell me he wasn’t comingct that the honeymoon period wears off but he acts like he doesn’t even like me anymore and doesn’t have any respect for me.
We don’t go anywhere together anymore I almost feel like he is ashamed of me and doesn’t want to be seen with me, I have tried my very best, cooking more of the things he likes keeping the house even cleaner I do all the yard work, taking care of everything all he has to do is shower himself and go to work, and that is about all he does I don’t even leave the kids with him if I have to go to the store. I feel completely taken for granted and have no one else to ask advice from because I don’t want to talk to my family or friends about this because I don’t want them to think poorly of him.
Recently a woman from his work has been texting him a lot after checking his phone and finding texts from her and calling him out on it he started deleting his texts but I know he is still getting them because I hear his phone go off and when check it later he has deleted it, or when I ask who he is texting he says no one, I don’t think he’s cheating on me but at the same time it wouldn’t surprise me if he was. He told me one day there is nothing worth coming home to. We don’t fight and I have home cooked meals waiting for him if he would come home but we don’t talk either no matter how hard I try to get him to talk. About a year and a half ago his brother was murdered and I don’t think he really ever dealt with his loss but I’m afraid that he will end up losing us to.
Please help I don’t know what to do anymore

 

[827Aug]

Your husband is most likely having an affair. That's why his behavior is erratic and why he is treating you so poorly. You probably need to do a lot of reading in the "Coping with Infidelity" section. There's a lot of advice and insight there when it comes to dealing with an unfaithful spouse.

Good luck to you and your family.

 

[Desperate_Housewife]

He told me one day there is nothing worth coming home to.

What a terrible thing to say. I'm so sorry.

It sounds like he is definitely having an affair... whether it's emotional or physical.

You need to start looking out for yourself and your children. You are a sahm. If he leaves you for this other woman then you will be **** out of luck and on your own. You need to prepare yourself for single motherhood RIGHT NOW. When AND IF he decides to walk out (and chances are he will) you need to be prepared. Start SECRETLY stashing money away, look for a job, look for daycare arrangements, don't be afraid to ask for help from family (you will need all the support you can get right now)...

Also, don't be afraid to mention his odd behavior to his family. The quickest way to defuse an affair is to expose it. You don't have to do it in a I'm-telling-on-him manner... just approach it like a concerned and loving wife. His family will put 2 & 2 together when you give them all the facts.

I wish you the best of luck!

 

[WorkingOnMe]

I tend to agree with 827Aug, I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating. But assuming he's not, I'll just throw this out there. You talk about doing everything for him and use examples like cooking and cleaning. Just so you know, whoever said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach....failed geography.

 

[SadSamIAm]

I am a stay at home mom with a 5 year old and a 7 month old. My husband works a lot of hours during the spring and fall (one of the reasons why I have to be a stay at home mom not that I am complaining) when we first got married my husband was so wonderful and he treated me like gold and I know things change but latel home, when he does come home he doesn’t talk he doesn’t hold me or kiss me like he use to, I’m not oblivious to the fay he doesn’t even treat me like I exists, he stays out till midnight or 2 am one night a couple weeks ago he went out and didn’t even bother to come home or even tell me he wasn’t comingct that the honeymoon period wears off but he acts like he doesn’t even like me anymore and doesn’t have any respect for me.
We don’t go anywhere together anymore I almost feel like he is ashamed of me and doesn’t want to be seen with me, I have tried my very best, cooking more of the things he likes keeping the house even cleaner I do all the yard work, taking care of everything all he has to do is shower himself and go to work, and that is about all he does I don’t even leave the kids with him if I have to go to the store. I feel completely taken for granted and have no one else to ask advice from because I don’t want to talk to my family or friends about this because I don’t want them to think poorly of him.
Recently a woman from his work has been texting him a lot after checking his phone and finding texts from her and calling him out on it he started deleting his texts but I know he is still getting them because I hear his phone go off and when check it later he has deleted it, or when I ask who he is texting he says no one, I don’t think he’s cheating on me but at the same time it wouldn’t surprise me if he was. He told me one day there is nothing worth coming home to. We don’t fight and I have home cooked meals waiting for him if he would come home but we don’t talk either no matter how hard I try to get him to talk. About a year and a half ago his brother was murdered and I don’t think he really ever dealt with his loss but I’m afraid that he will end up losing us to.
Please help I don’t know what to do anymore

How is your love life?

My wife is a SAHM. She cooks great meals and keeps the house very clean. But this isn't how I feel love. It isn't my love language. I need to feel desired and wanted. If my wife initiated sex once a week and didn't reject me 90% when I initiate, then I could honestly say our marriage would be perfect. As it is, I feel like your husband. That there is nothing to come home to, other than rejection.

I am probably just projecting what is going on currently with me, but when I read your post, I couldn't help but think my wife would say something very similar ("I don't know what is wrong, I cook and clean and do yard work ....").

 

[tom67]

Expose him to both families ask for their help.

 

[ida]

Our love life is pretty good I think, I have was trying to make a point to initiate sex at least twice a week because i know that it is important to make him feel wanted too but a week or so ago i tried and he laughed at me, feeling completely crushed i gave up.
I tried giving any kind that he wanted even though it not gentle and loving, I can not remember the last time we just made love I am the only one who initiates it anymore