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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ahem…. Just a longtime lurker here, finally coming forward for some advice.

Some history:

In October of 2011 I was fairly happy, gregarious guy with friends, a solid family, a solid job, and very few concerns with day to day life… well, externally that was true. I was 42 years old with everything I had always wanted, but internally I was a mess.

To be honest, in October of 2011 I was a ticking time-bomb of self doubt, lack of confidence, lack of self respect, and at least a couple other insecurities that I’m failing to mention. I ate poorly, I took care of myself poorly (I could walk around the block if I paused halfway), and I drank way too much (not excessively mind you, but too much to be healthy). Oh, and our sex life was pretty bad… and in retrospect, I have to blame that all on myself, as well. Hell, on a good day I was 6’1 and 320 pounds of love. Who really wants that? We had sex… sometimes three times a month…. sometimes four… sometimes two... I was a whiner and beggar- and the occasional “mercy f***” crippled the self esteem even further.

Was I the doormat in the family? I would say it was close… all the way from a high school and college alpha athlete to a 42 year old “snack pack.”

Quite the catch wasn’t I?

All along my wife never said a word. She simply rolled my responsibilities into her own, and kept moving forward. Planning trips and dates? She did it. Being in charge of every activity in the day to day lives of our kids? She did it. Discipline for the kids? She did it? This? She did it. That? She did it…

Lucky me…

A bit on my wife:

My wife is a really strong woman (obviously) who hates to show emotion, and hates to be wrong. She is a clinician who makes life or death decisions every day, and had no qualm with dealing with the ineffectiveness of her husband. I’m sure that one day she just finally thought, “F it. I’ll just treat him like a third kid, toss him sex scraps a few times monthly, and see what happens.” The answer she got was probably very telling to her. (This probably occurred from 36ish to that October 2011).

While I understand that men are jaded about the beauty of their wives (usually), I truly believe that mine has gotten more beautiful with age. She is 5’9, blonde (a bit of dying), and 140 pounds very firmly put together. She still revs my engine more than any other woman I have ever known.

Enough groundwork

In Feb of 2011 I had a physical. As you can imagine, it was all kinds of awful. Everything was a concern or a caution…red flags, orange flags, and I ignored it all. That said, at the same time, I think it laid the foundation for an alert system subconsciously.

In Sept/ Oct of 2011, my father in law was diagnosed with diabetes. He is obese, so this was of no surprise, but boy was there some internal concerns/debates within my head… “Hey, Stupid! Pay attention! This could be you… Wake up! Think of your wife! Think of your kids! She can’t go through this with her father AND her husband.”

The klaxon went off and I listened… and I made my plan.

I also work in the same healthcare institution as my wife. She does not report to me in any way, but I still see her rather infrequently. I met with everyone I could. Docs, Nutritionists, Pharmacists, etc… I picked their brains and then ran my plan past them.

In late Oct we took the kids out for Chinese food. When the waitress came, I ordered water. Then I rolled out my plan. I explained it all. I saw the excitement, I saw the hope, and I saw the doubt. Then she tested me and said, “Why don’t you just enjoy it one last time and start with a fresh plate tomorrow morning?” I got that one right, and ice water never tasted so good.

I dug the treadmill out and started. At first it was beyond hope. I could barely walk the equivalent of a block. Then I did. Then I could barely walk a mile. I did. I got up to walking four miles and said, “Okay fatso. Let’s see if I can run two. I did. I ran four. I registered for a 5K in May of 12. I did it. And my wife and kids were at the finish line. I ran three miles every weekday, with a long run on Sun, and rested on Sat. I ran 10K’s in Oct and Nov 2012. My wife and kids were at the finish line. I’m registered for a half marathon in May 13. I am on a mission. I will not rest. I will not stop.

At the same time I reduced calories significantly under the watchful I of a nutritionist. I eat a ton of veggies, lean meats, some nuts, and once week I don’t count- I take my beautiful wife out for dinner. I never thought about almond milk, and now I crave the recovery almond milk/ pineapple smoothie after my 5am 3 miler every weekday.

A few months ago I encountered the MAP online and started to try and incorporate way more alpha into my blend. Homework is becoming mine, discipline of the kids is becoming mine, I’m trying to get traits established… but sex is still struggle. I’m not whining or begging… I try to roll with it. Honestly the “rationalization hamster” is what I encounter most. “My day was brutal, and I am exhausted. Gonna hit the couch hard after bedtime.”

Okay

“That guy put me on the ledge, and my head is about to split. I took something, but it’s spinning it’s wheels thus far…”

I hear you.

I’ve lost 70/80 pounds. I have gone from a size 46 waist to a 36/38. I have gone from a XXL (widebody) dress shirt to a XL (slim/athletic). I know I look good/ better, and she has picked my new wardrobe with me.

I know my rank is up, as well. Women, who never noticed me now start conversations, touch me playfully. Etc… and no, I want none of it.

My wife also started working out heavy again about a month ago. An hour at the gym every weekday. According to the MAP, that all should have been expected.

Our frequency lately:

Dec- Two
Nov- Six
Oct- Three
Sep- One
Aug- Four

I still initiate all, but in the “Well, I’m thinking about handcuffs and and blindfolds, but I could be talked into saving that for the weekend if you have other options.” Playful. No "yes" or "no" style questions

I will never beg again.

How do I push down on the accelerator?

Stay the course, almost there…?

OR

You need to do “this”…

Thanks!

4-1-3-6-2



PS- If you are this guy, stop it! You are delivering a million cuts a day to her heart. Lose it.
 

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I have nothing to add, I just wanted to say a big well done on your efforts this past year and a bit to improve yourself. You are an inspiration, and I hope you finish this personal marathon you are on with a happy ending (both literally and sexually, lol). Way to go!
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks, Kingsfan. I really appreciate the kudos.

It's has been difficult, but somewhere out on that road I found the guy I am, the man my wife married, and the father my kids needed.

I will not fail.

When the miles really, really hurt, I simply repeat my mantra: "I run to live, I live to run..." "I run to live, I live to run..."

AND "The point of a journey, is not to arrive.) Thank you N. Peart.

Everyone needs a mantra:)
 

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Slacker. You have 16 more days in December to get your number over the 6 in November. Can you do it?

Use your running as an example. Did you run the half-marathon the day after you walked one block? Of course not. You gradually increased and got there. Do the same with sex. Keep initiating. Make her say no.
 

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Good point Chris.

In August and September, you had sex 5 times. Then October and November you had sex 9 times. You're on pace to have sex this month 4-5 times, which is the same amount you had in August and September combined.

There is a build up the 41362. You can't expect your wife to just want to hump the heck out of you immediately. As long as there is progression, you may not have anything to fear.

Be sure to communicate to her as well that sex is important and you want to experience that with her more often so she knows an increase is a goal for you.
 

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Wow, your story is touching and great. you have so much to be thankful for and your wife sounds amazing.

Are you a great lover? I'd work on your lover skills. no matter how good you are, you can learn new techniques and get better. Take you wife away to a lover's only retreat to have all-sex all-the-time and it might carry over when you're back to reality.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Wow, your story is touching and great. you have so much to be thankful for and your wife sounds amazing.

Are you a great lover? I'd work on your lover skills. no matter how good you are, you can learn new techniques and get better. Take you wife away to a lover's only retreat to have all-sex all-the-time and it might carry over when you're back to reality.
That is an interesting approach, IslandGirl3. Have actually been considering a getaway for just the two of us in the near future. Not quite a true "lover's only retreat," but we shall see what we can do.
 

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I agree with WorkingOnMe.

Go up to her, kiss her passionately. Then stop, look her square in the eyes, plant another kiss on her (just a small, brief, soft one) and walk away.

Be confident and drive her completely insane (in a good way).

You can do it! :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I agree with WorkingOnMe.

Go up to her, kiss her passionately. Then stop, look her square in the eyes, plant another kiss on her (just a small, brief, soft one) and walk away.

Be confident and drive her completely insane (in a good way).

You can do it! :D
Thanks for the input, Little Bird. That certainly sends the message
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
She seems the willing partner, Chris. While I have done my share of "one step forward and two steps back," I think the sheer length of this journey (14 months thus far) has helped to alleviate her doubts and concerns. Also, I think she's quite happy to get the guy she married back.

We did have a talk last week about frequency, and how I felt that anything less than 2/3 times a week was unsatisfying to my needs, and unhealthy to our relationship as a whole. She agreed in full. I truly believe that she wants this as badly as I do

What a damn fool I was. A fat assed fool.... Well, never again.
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She seems the willing partner, Chris. While I have done my share of "one step forward and two steps back," I think the sheer length of this journey (14 months thus far) has helped to alleviate her doubts and concerns. Also, I think she's quite happy to get the guy she married back.

We did have a talk last week about frequency, and how I felt that anything less than 2/3 times a week was unsatisfying to my needs, and unhealthy to our relationship as a whole. She agreed in full. I truly believe that she wants this as badly as I do

What a damn fool I was. A fat assed fool.... Well, never again.
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Always great to hear a success story! Keep up the good work 41362(so far 5, on pace to be a 8)
 
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