[crazynluv]

Hi everyone. I need to talk to someone that doesn't know me and can really give me some much needed advice. Its kinda complicated so please be patient with me. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We got married when we were 21. So for a long time, I thought maybe that was the problem. But I'm starting to believe that it is deeper then that. He is a very attractive military man who has a personlity and a conversation for anyone. The first time we moved in together it was really bad. He constantly cheated on me. He went out on dates, he brought women to the house when I was out of town........ but I never left. During this time we had our first daughter. He decided to take a break from the military and we moved back home. During the transition, I spent his money while he was out to sea. And then the situation got even worse. It was like a took a part of his heart from him. I spent the next year proving to him that I really did love him and it wasnt about the money. Well during this time, he cheated on me again and while I was pregnant with our second child I contracted an STD from my husband. I am not one to down another female but this chick really had nothing going for herself she wasn't even cute. We seperated, I moved back with my parents and he joined the military again. After a brief seperation I realized that I loved him far to much to be without him. We got back together. He often says that I am far to nosey and I bring alot of things on myself. This brings me to my first question. Do all woman check their husbands cell phones or go through their emails when presented with the opportunity? Its not that I want to catch him in anything. I would just love to look for once and see something saying that I love my wife, or I have a wonderful wife.............something that makes me feel good. Well through probing I found out that he had been dating a girl for the past 3 years and they now have a child together. I love his family like my own and they all knew about it. This is what really broke my heart. He once expressed to me that he loved this girl and he no longer loved me anymore. He later took it back but This has never left my thoughts. To me sharing your body and one thing but when someone has your heart that even worse. I am slowly learning to accept this because like I said I love him more then anything and the situation is complicated. It would be alot easier to deal with if another factor wasn't involved. This brings me to my second question. Does anyone besides me believes adult sex dating sites is cheating? He says its not cheating its entertainment. But when you are exchanging numbers and nude pictures with other individuals that is crossing the line. Don't get me wrong he can be a loving husband and he is a wonderful father but I am starting to believe that his marriage to me is one of convience then that of love or commitment. I think about him cheating on me all of the time yet I can't get up the nerve and my heart will not let me just leave. Will someone PLEASE take the time to give me some advice?

 

[outinthecold]

Cheat on me once,

shame on you,

cheat on me twice,

shame on me.

definitely proves my point,

a woman in love will do anything for her man,

irrational, un-debatable, unstoppable a woman's love

although, a guy would be just as stupid.

you know it is time to leave.

a good man you just don't have.

we all have our nature since we were 4 years old.

he is not going to change, either accept it (don't do that)

or leave and stand on your own

I vote for "Leave, Stand On Your Own"

You have everything to loose by staying.

Life will be better for you, it gets better everyday you are going to be away from the jerk.

Do it right now, pack and leave.

 

[DawnD]

Oh, I feel ya on the military man thing! My hubby is also in the military, so I know how things can get. Honestly honey, if he had a child with someone else while we were married, I would probably consider that the biggest reason to leave. I don't know your husband at all, but if I had to guess I would say that he is keeping you around to do the housework and keep him comfortable. That isn't what you want. I would look into getting yourself started in a career path or a trade, maybe even school and get up on your own feet. As much love as you have for him, you need to have even more for yourself and your kids. Best of luck honey.

 

[crazynluv]

I really feel stupid. I left my a career that I had for the past four years and relocated to be here with him. I have my first bachelor's degree and I'm working on my masters. I guess I don't have much common sense?

 

[outinthecold]

I was a Captain in the Army, I got out in 92, believe me I know the military life.

I also know what goes on in married military life. NCO wives headed for the O club, Officer's wives headed for the NCO club.

You will never change him, it will only get worse.

You have to make a decision to stand on your own for your sake and the kids.

You must protect your kids, the only priority you have.

I think today you had enough, time to move on.

You are a young woman with the whole world ahead of you.

There are plenty of good men worth your love.

In fact, almost every other human being is a man.

But for now, concentrate on yourself so you can stand alone.

You need only yourself and your family right now.

You don't need him, the kids do but probably not right now.

Or some people are just no good, not worth your time.

So, make a decision to stand.

If you need encouragement, give me a call. I'll be your conscious, or I'm probably old enough to be your father.


(I sent you my phone number in a private message)

 

[Believe]

I agree with outinthecold, and that advice is coming from a man! I really feel for you. However do you want your children to see you treated like that and then they will think that is what they deserve when they are older. You really need to get up the nerve and leave. I know its hard and it will hurt, but this situation is bad. He has a child with someone else. What if next time you end up with AIDS and then your children will go through your sickness/death with you. Keep us posted. Reach deep down within yourself and find that strength and tell yourself you are worth much more!!!!!!!

 

[Brianl364]

It is time to cut your loses and pack your bags as the others have said. The constant stress you are under is not healthy for you or your children. As your kids get older do you really want him as a role model? Be thankful you got wonderful children from the marriage and had a difficult but worth while learning experience. I hope you had some fun together that you can realy back to your kids when they are older. But really if someone told your story to them wouldn't you be saying the same thing to them? Good luck, find happiness within yourself and then with others later.

 

[sisters359]

He is turning it all on YOU and that's classic. He is, has been, and always will be, a cheater. He has no right to privacy; he's forfeited that.

Much more importantly, how can you "love" someone who cares so little for you? You cannot get the good without the bad--ever--and this is really bad, leaving bad. He has endangered you with his behaviors; HIV/AIDS can still kill.

I strongly urge you to get individual counseling to figure out why you stay. If nothing else, maybe you will find a way to stay that allows you to be at peace with your decision. God bless.

 

[kuki]

I don't mean to sound rude, but are you serious?

This man is not only seeing someone else while married to you, he has another child with them and you accept this. It's not the child's fault unfortunately, they are the ones getting ths bad end of the stick but what about your kids? What kind of life are they having or what kind of life are you giving them by staying married to him. There are other man out there that you can have a family with and will love your kids and be a father figure to them, instead of him, who doesn't seem to be 2 concerned with what he's putthign them thru.

He has no respect for you, your kids. Run and run fast. I understand about loving someone with everything you got, but that doesnt give them the right to abuse you.

 

[Calypso]

I don't think I could stay with him. He has proven to you over and over he can't be trusted. Plus he has another child with one of them. Then he gave you a STD next time it could be a death sentence for you. That is one of the things I had to deal with was the OW that my H was with had a STD. Thank God I didn't get anything but that was the hardest thing for me to over come. That he thought so little of me to put my health and life as risk. I almost decided to leave him because of it. That is the deal breaker for me now. If it happens again I'm gone I told him I don't want to worry about my kids not having a mom. I want to see them grow up, get married and I want to be a grandma one day. I told him you don't know who the OW was also sleeping with besides you. Who was her H sleeping with? It's dangerous and stupid risking ones life for a moment of pleasure. I think I would chalk this one up and learn a lesson from it. You and your children need to move on and start a new life. Find that special someone who is going to love you and you kids. I wish you the best with what ever decision you decide to make.

 

[gardener1965]

You are young and articulate and it seems to me that it would be best for you and your children for you to leave and create a better life for yourself. It will be hard at first, but you can do it. The stress this situation is causing you is reason alone to go. That baby isn't going away either, even if he stopped seeing the woman the child will forever be there. You deserve better. You deserve to be happy. Best of luck to you.