OK here goes. Married nearly 27 years. I'm 56 years old, wife is 52. 2 children, aged 24 and 20. Wife always talks about what a great marriage we have. Friends always tell her she is lucky to be married to me (and I felt the same about her). Overall some issues, one is that my wife is more touchy-feely-huggy than me, I express my love in different ways.
She is an established realtor and about a year or so ago, she had a new business partner. I has suspected something was amiss, but being a very trusting person, I let it go. This business partner and his wife (they have three younger kids, aged 11, 13, and 16) also got together with me and my wife periodically for socializing.
Fast forward to last week of September. My wife leaves her computer on and all I see on the screen are emails to this other person. Well it was sickening to say the least. Since late November my wife and this guy have been in a toxic, addictive, emotional, physical love affair. Love notes at night, poems, cd's with songs - almost like two 17 year olds. In addition, when searching my wife' closet I found additional stuff that made me want to throw up.
My wife had to own up to everything. She was always against people having affairs inside of a marriage, and now she was one of them. She said she knows she is completely wrong, and that she is so sorry all the time. However, the amount of lying she did to me to be with him is staggering. I always thought my wife was an honest person with good values - now I feel that she has betrayed the basic foundation of a marriage.
We are seeing a MC. I told wife that no contact with the other person (he moved to a different office). I also emailed him and told him to stay away. Sadly, I found out that my wife betrayed me again because she wanted "to reach closure" with him. So they met one more time, Her token line is that her plan is to recommit to the marriage, she would love to do so, but she has to get this man completely out of her head first and she has not done this as of yet. My wife also understands that this person is not leaving his own marriage for now (for the kids).
I do not recognize myself for the past 5 weeks. Shock, anger, resentment, jealousy, rage, everything you can imagine. One minute I threaten to throw her out or start divorcing her the next minute I'm on a fact finding mission and talking calmly to her. I feel I should make a decision once my emotions calm down a little - which they are beginning to do. I still can not fathom the amount of deceit and lying after being together for so long.
Some strange points. During the affair, my wife continued to be very sweet to me all the time. Also, my wife always, until DDay, initiated conversations about retirement, buying a vacation home, and growing old together.
My wife says that she still loves me, and that we should not be concerned about the other couple. She has apologized a million times. The OM would like to leave his wife, but will likely not do so. I told my wife that I never want to be a "backup plan" but she said I'm not. (I don't 100% believe it).
So, I guess realistically, my wife could tell me that she does not think of this person anymore, but that would be dishonest. After 5 weeks, I guess it would be hard to get this person out of your mind completely. So, I'm at the crossroads and I'm going to talk to my MC on Friday to get her take. I think I'm ready to boot her out if I have to or see if this could be fixed. I'd like it to be a success story if it could be.
Thanks for listening.
She is an established realtor and about a year or so ago, she had a new business partner. I has suspected something was amiss, but being a very trusting person, I let it go. This business partner and his wife (they have three younger kids, aged 11, 13, and 16) also got together with me and my wife periodically for socializing.
Fast forward to last week of September. My wife leaves her computer on and all I see on the screen are emails to this other person. Well it was sickening to say the least. Since late November my wife and this guy have been in a toxic, addictive, emotional, physical love affair. Love notes at night, poems, cd's with songs - almost like two 17 year olds. In addition, when searching my wife' closet I found additional stuff that made me want to throw up.
My wife had to own up to everything. She was always against people having affairs inside of a marriage, and now she was one of them. She said she knows she is completely wrong, and that she is so sorry all the time. However, the amount of lying she did to me to be with him is staggering. I always thought my wife was an honest person with good values - now I feel that she has betrayed the basic foundation of a marriage.
We are seeing a MC. I told wife that no contact with the other person (he moved to a different office). I also emailed him and told him to stay away. Sadly, I found out that my wife betrayed me again because she wanted "to reach closure" with him. So they met one more time, Her token line is that her plan is to recommit to the marriage, she would love to do so, but she has to get this man completely out of her head first and she has not done this as of yet. My wife also understands that this person is not leaving his own marriage for now (for the kids).
I do not recognize myself for the past 5 weeks. Shock, anger, resentment, jealousy, rage, everything you can imagine. One minute I threaten to throw her out or start divorcing her the next minute I'm on a fact finding mission and talking calmly to her. I feel I should make a decision once my emotions calm down a little - which they are beginning to do. I still can not fathom the amount of deceit and lying after being together for so long.
Some strange points. During the affair, my wife continued to be very sweet to me all the time. Also, my wife always, until DDay, initiated conversations about retirement, buying a vacation home, and growing old together.
My wife says that she still loves me, and that we should not be concerned about the other couple. She has apologized a million times. The OM would like to leave his wife, but will likely not do so. I told my wife that I never want to be a "backup plan" but she said I'm not. (I don't 100% believe it).
So, I guess realistically, my wife could tell me that she does not think of this person anymore, but that would be dishonest. After 5 weeks, I guess it would be hard to get this person out of your mind completely. So, I'm at the crossroads and I'm going to talk to my MC on Friday to get her take. I think I'm ready to boot her out if I have to or see if this could be fixed. I'd like it to be a success story if it could be.
Thanks for listening.