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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
UPDATE3: Anyways thanks guys for your continual advice and support thus far, but I can no longer afford what ifs and what nots as my marriage is over. I'm sorry I can't give you guys any good news but this is just the way it is. Please, let's move on from this thread.

UPDATE: Due to misunderstandings I advise any new posters to at least read the first few pages before jumping to conclusions. I understand where they are coming from, and I'm not going to edit anything of this original post because it expresses exactly how I felt yesterday morning

UPDATE2: For a short summary of this issue, and what led up to this point: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/1209551-post291.html

Ok this is fkin serious... I don't even know where to start...

My wife and I just had a HUGE fking fight last night with her crying her guts out and I almost had to gag her because our daughter came running out crying as well TWICE during the night (my wife was so fking loud and wouldn't stop), right now I'm at home and I can't go to work for obvious reasons. It's pissing me off and tearing me apart at the same time watching her like this.

Ok from the beginning... after putting my daughter to sleep I joined my wife and was going to have a "light" night with her, just mucking around, laugh and have a bit of a fun time but then I thought... nah, might as well tell her my decision, get it out of my head. So I let her know that we are going to try some "abstinence" because it's obvious that we're still not getting anywhere with sexual boundaries and how she still equates sex to love. She defended herself, and tried to convince me calmly that she's doing her best and that I should give her time not impose such a thing on us when there's no need to and that she hasn't demanded anything, and that if I don't want sex tonight it's fine by her. I didn't answer her when she was curious about the length of this "abstinence", guess I wanted to test her abit...

But I stood my ground and told her that the decision is final. I did tell her that I appreciate that she's been making an effort for us but that I feel this is very important for us until we can get a handle on things. Alright, no fight, got ready for bed, then BOOM...

Hell I can't remember even half the sh-t that happened and the crap I do remember is all over the place from her telling me that she does so much for me and all she ever wants from me is for me to love her, and that she tries so hard to make me happy, to be a good wife, and that I never stop breaking her heart, and that I always try to sabotage our marriage, and yada yada yada, more BS along those lines... I mostly just listened to her ramble on, and reminded her again and again that I'm not changing my freakin mind.

She lashed out at the modem (accusing TAM and the net), spat her venom about our counsellor, "interrogated" me about who I've been talking to, who I'm "cheating" on her with (I laughed at her at that), what made me make such a decision, hell she came up with alot of really random BS last night. It would be interesting if she didn't lose control and look like she was about to kill herself or something. But that was just stage one.

Later, she was weeping, repeating herself and crying and crying. Then she lashed out at me again, stage 2, said she can't take this anymore and that she has enough, used the D word, and that if I don't want sex she's going to find someone else who can satisfy her (the NERVE!), I told her FINE, challenged and dared her to do it, but that I was not going to change my mind. One thing she NEVER learns, threaten me and I say BRING IT ON, it's fking reflex - and I WONT CARE, NO ONE THREATENS ME. Then she pleaded with me not to go and that she's sorry, that she went too far (TOO LATE!!!) WTF?! Yada yada yada she pleaded some more and I just ignored her at this point. She did some serious damage last night.

The other few stages were pretty much repeats and her not giving up and leaving me alone, followed me all the way to my man-cave, made it difficult for me to even prepare my sofa bed, then kept me awake all night. Eventually we had silence, we didn't say a word to each other. She was holding my hand all night telling me sorry and whatever the fk. She kept shaking me trying to prevent me from sleeping telling me that she wants to hear that I'm not going to leave her - it's frankly pathetic.

So I pulled her off my bed, kicked her out of my cave, and locked the door (actually looking back that was pretty funny lol). Now I don't know whether or not the whole strict sexual boundary thing is a good idea or not but her reaction last night has proven to me that this issue is far more serious then I had thought and that I was right to doubt that she would be happy with sex that isn't 3x a day. *sighs*

If I had continued to be nice the irony is that this problem could have been so much worse considering the SHEER amount of anger and resentment that came out last night. Imagine if I had let it fester? SH-T! Sheez, and people wonder why I poke her to get her to explode from time to time (and not the playful poke either) - this I guess, is her "explosion" after not being "safely exploded" for some time.

The house feels like it just got ravaged by carpet bombing. I wonder if some aspects of my past behaviour right now actually had a valid reason for them. My throat is fking raw atm... bleh, need to go for a drive and get some honey but NOOOO... my wife needs supervision. This sux

I do NOT know what to do or how to think or how to feel at the moment... =/
Frankly she disgusts me at this point, it's rather pathetic, what happened to that strong woman that I married? Now she's a little girl begging and begging to have her way or else.
 

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SHE did some serious damage last night? What about YOU? Who the crap told you it was okay to dictate abstinence for undistinguished amounts of time in a marriage?? WHEN is that EVER okay? What the hell were you thinking? This isn't about her being a nympho or needing therapy, this is about YOU thinking you are just going to DECIDE how it is gonna happen without her input. That isn't a marriage.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
What else am I supposed to do? We've had this issue for YEARS now and sexual boundaries to her is a FKING JOKE

I wasn't even planning long term abstinence just enough to help her see there is MORE to life then just FKING SEX. But her reaction... WTF?! She threatened me to D me, threatened to f--k someone else, what do you expect? I don't take threats, EVER

*sigh*
 

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You sir, are playing with fire. I don't think you're going about this the right way. If you were a woman cutting off all sex unilaterally, I'll advise your husband to dump you. Are you sure you're not making a mountain out of a molehill? I mean, you're married to a woman who wants sex with you. You're both high drive. Or at least claim to be. Your behavior lately just seems kind of emotionally abusive to me.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I didn't even want to do it, I AM HD, I was prepared to torture myself just for her for just a CHANCE to STOP FIGHTING ABOUT SEX IF ITS NOT FKING 3X A DAY

What else could I have done?!?!
 

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Dude you said: "Hell I can't remember even half the sh-t that happened and the crap I do remember is all over the place from her telling me that she does so much for me and all she ever wants from me is for me to love her, and that she tries so hard to make me happy, to be a good wife, and that I never stop breaking her heart, and that I always try to sabotage our marriage, and yada yada yada, more BS along those lines... I mostly just listened to her ramble on, and reminded her again and again that I'm not changing my freakin mind."

This is so very disrespectful to your wife. She is trying to express her real feelings, which are every bit as valid as your own, but you describe it as BS and her rambling on.

How did you expect to have a real conversation with her if you never thought of her feelings as being valid?

I am sorry, I don't really know your sitch, but your post just seems so cold toward your wife. :(
 

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Discussion Starter #10
*sighs*

I don't know anymore, I'm pain right now knowing she's hurting so much but I just don't know what to do or what to say or if we can even fix this. Right now I feel like giving up

I think I must have flipped the coin too far into my cold and indifferent side, I had to, it tore me apart to hear those words out of her that I almost BROKE until she brought up D and that she was going to outsource for sex then I hardened up back up again.
 

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What else am I supposed to do? We've had this issue for YEARS now and sexual boundaries to her is a FKING JOKE

I wasn't even planning long term abstinence just enough to help her see there is MORE to life then just FKING SEX. But her reaction... WTF?! She threatened me to D me, threatened to f--k someone else, what do you expect? I don't take threats, EVER

*sigh*
Sexual boundaries, to her, is a joke, so you say. Why is that? Because YOU FVCKING GIVE IN ALL THE DAMN TIME! Seriously, RD, you say you have made improvements...now, I think you have taken a HUGE step backwards. You made this decision without even trying to discuss it first. She should be having equal say when it comes to NOT having sex with her husband.

You know what pisses me off? When some men say they equate sex with love, MOST nod and agree... but let a woman say it, namely YOUR WIFE, and it's the worst offense in the world! WTF?!?! Seriously, RD, this time, you fvcked up big time. And honestly, if my husband were to say "I am implementing abstinence for an unspecified amount of time" I'd walk... or kick his ass out. It's bullsh!t expecting your wife to go SEXLESS because you THINK her drive is too fvcking high! Perhaps YOU are the one who actually needs the help....
 

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I am wondering if she has ever been strong or did you label her strong so that you felt justified playing games with her (she's strong she can take it), not saying you did just wondering if it's a possibility.
You said no one threatens you, but you threatened her with abstinence and didn't like the result of it.
Sorry but I think if you know she correlates sex to love and said you were going to cut it off you where seeing how far you could push her. You brought this down on your own head.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
So when I don't give in, like now - I've made a huge step backwards
So either way, with this sex issue - there was just NO WAY I could have won is there?

I didn't threaten her I just made a decision and stuck with it. I did it in a calm way until she fking exploded.
 

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First off please stop talking. That doesn't help.

Secondly to cut off someone who has a sex addiction is just cruel.

What I've suggested before is to simply stop enabling her. I didn't say cut her off. I meant stop with the 3X a day sex and just say no. Stick to a more reasonable sex schedule like oh I don't know every other day??? And you don't even have to tell her that ahead of time just gently with love in your heart tell her 3X a day is more than you can do and you will have sex with her TOMORROW.

Offer up cuddling. Offer to hold her. Offer to watch her masturbate while you hold her. Offer up anything BUT sex.
 

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You threatened her with abstinence (and didn't give it a deadline), she retaliated with threatening to f*ck someone else.
Stick to your guns with baby steps, totally cutting her off from the one thing she has a massive psychological problem with was bound to result in what happened.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I'm not saying a word to her at all!

What I've suggested before is to simply stop enabling her. I didn't say cut her off. I meant stop with the 3X a day sex and just say no. Stick to a more reasonable sex schedule like oh I don't know every other day??? And you don't even have to tell her just gently with love in your heart tell her 3X a day is more than you can do and you will have sex with her TOMORROW.
I HAVE BEEN DOING THAT ALREADY!!! She still gets pissy about it and since MC we've had rare days when we actually were happy together because she wasn't GETTING SEX 3X A DAY so she decides to be a b-tch about it!!! This issue has been ongoing for years...

It was already once a day and she STILL WASN'T HAPPY, I committed time for her aside from our daughter as well and she STILL WASN'T HAPPY. I ran out of options...

I really don't know what to do anymore

Offer up cuddling. Offer to hold her. Offer to watch her masturbate while you hold her. Offer up anything BUT sex.
I DID!!! Since MC knowing it was difficult for her I did all of that and more, I opened up myself to her that I never dared with anyone since I was 12 yrs old on the streets. *sighs*
 

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My heart goes out to you. Again if this were a woman she would have totally cut off her husband a lot longer ago than you have. If a woman can't make her husband happy with daily sex she's likely say fvck it too and be done with it.

Its so hard for people to grasp because you're a man.

I swear this thread would have different advice if it were a woman complaining about her husband wanting sex 3X a day and b1tching when daily wasn't enough.
 

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Discussion Starter #20 (Edited)
Maybe I should change my name to RandomChick and repost this thread

MC is recent, about 2 months or so, can't remember exactly... *sigh* maybe I should have just let things go, but my wife still could not understand that she needs help, resisted changes at every turn, and with sex, I've been extremely vulnerable and loving to her, went 180 into beta zone.

I even told her that I was planning a renewal of vows for her, a wedding of her dreams that we never really had due to the rush and dramas when she got pregnant all those years ago... she didn't care, she just wanted sex

It hurts you know, it's not something many men experience, to try to express your love to someone and then have it rejected, the only thing not rejected is your c--k which ends up being used regardless of whether you want it or not.

*sighs*
I'm so done with this, I'm lost, clueless, and have no idea where to go from here
 
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