Your wife's behavior is unacceptable. She has cheated on you, and you are worried about overreacting? Short of physical violence you can't overreact. Get this is you head, SHE HAS CHEATED ON YOU. She pleasured herself late into the night with random men. She is on a dating app. And your feeling lost and taken for granted? Those are not the primary emotions you should be feeling right now.Hello, I’ll apologise if this is a long post, but I don’t know what to do. My wife has suffered from anxiety and depression and low self worth. We have been married for over 21 years with two kids 18 and 12. Alcohol is a major issue for her, which I know is a seperate topic. She is having specialist psychotherapy.
Recently, her behaviour has changed, increased drinking and staying up till 4am clubbing before a working day. This week, on my night shift, she was awake till 4am on Monday night and again last night. She signed up to match.com stating “Yes- just wanted to see if anyone liked me, am feeling insecure x” I tried to chat to her to make her feel better, but was told ‘I’m fine’. This morning, I came home from work at 6am and she was already in the shower having been awake till 4am. She admitted chatting to strange men on WhatsApp and was pleasuring herself. She said she was sent rude photos, but I did not ask if she had sent any back.
I probably overreacted this morning as she was very defensive and shady. She has said she’s not been happy in our marriage for months now, says she wants to work things out. But I am not sure she does.
we live in an expensive rented house, kids don’t want to move. Neither of us can afford to move out - unless we give up this house and find two places cheaper. I want to resolve things, but she accuses me of being always annoyed and grumpy. I’ve told her, I cannot cope with the alcohol abuse and inability to seek help. I just don’t know where to turn next. I do have five more sessions with relate, but don’t know whether to push to stay together, or accept it’s the end. I admit I can be grumpy, but it’s a reaction to her behaviour, which is likely to be issues from childhood coming out. It’s the shutting me out, when she wants open and honesty from me, knowing I’m home for kids when I need to be etc.
Apologies if this has come across jumbled, but I feel totally lost, upset and taken for granted😢
There is NOTHING acceptable to what you wrote here that your wife is doing -- this is NOT how a married person acts.Recently, her behaviour has changed, increased drinking and staying up till 4am clubbing before a working day. This week, on my night shift, she was awake till 4am on Monday night and again last night. She signed up to match.com stating “Yes- just wanted to see if anyone liked me, am feeling insecure x” I tried to chat to her to make her feel better, but was told ‘I’m fine’. This morning, I came home from work at 6am and she was already in the shower having been awake till 4am. She admitted chatting to strange men on WhatsApp and was pleasuring herself. She said she was sent rude photos, but I did not ask if she had sent any back.
Also said she goes out clubbing to all hours. She has physically cheated with other men...no doubt.Your wife's behavior is unacceptable. She has cheated on you, and you are worried about overreacting? Short of physical violence you can't overreact. Get this is you head, SHE HAS CHEATED ON YOU. She pleasured herself late into the night with random men. She is on a dating app. And your feeling lost and taken for granted? Those are not the primary emotions you should be feeling right now.
I would require a poly to verify no physical sex while out partying and possibly hooking up while you were at work.Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. Update from here… My wife came home from work yesterday, clearly ashamed and almost in tears. She was apologetic and admitted she had made a huge mistake. I have listened to her, told her what I felt and how it would have looked in the other direction. No doubt there will be many more conversations in the coming days and I will be seeking professional advice from relate and legal advice too. Perhaps we can save this, perhaps not. Truth is, I do not know, She thinks we can, BUT… I am well and truly guarded now, especially for my children’s sake. One things for sure, this will NOT happen again under my roof!!!
