Hello,
I need a place to share my story and feelings. I'm getting anxious waiting for my counseling appointment next week. Any insight into my situation is welcomed.
I've been married for a year and am currently separated from my husband. Just two weeks after our honeymoon, my husband received a DUI. I then learned that my husband had been drinking while working/drinking on the way home from work, for over a year before we got married. My heart sank learning this. How didn't I know?! I'm still dealing with this betrayal and trying to understand his alcohol abuse.
Just as I thought we were working things out and getting help (talking to family, seeing doctors, meeting with our priest), I learn that the entire time he was continuing to drink and lie to me. I didn't know the extent of his drinking until I looked through his work shed, phone, and bank account. I found an entire bin of empty beer cans. He also recently got into a hit and run incident and didn't tell me about it. I had to find out by reading a text from his employee about meeting with the police. I still don't know all the details (he hit a wheelbarrow) but his court date is next month. I'm afraid he'll get into an accident and hurt himself or someone else. I couldn't live knowing he hurt or killed someone. Plus, we'd be ruined financially for life.
Since he owns his own business, our banks are separate. I knew things have been tight with him, but after I looked through the bank statements, I was mortified to see how careless he is with his spending. He's even purchased a pre-paid credit card. I'm thinking so I can't track his spending.
Another gut-punch is that we will not be buying a home this year - not that I think it's in our best interest at this point. However, he's not in a great financial situation. It was recommend to us that we apply for a mortgage just under my name. It was always our goal to buy a home together after we got married and it's sad we're far from that. Fortunately, I do have a good job and pay our rent and utilities. My mother-in-law told me I need to put my "hopes and dreams on hold"...I can't seem to let that statement go.
I really love him and know life is never perfect. I just cannot take any more of his lies or nights when he is moody because of drinking or withdrawal. I feel more like his mom than his wife. We separated once before for a month just six months into our marriage. I thought then he'd take me and our situation seriously, but things didn't really change. I cannot picture having children with him like this.
Besides struggling with alcohol, he is a very nice man. He hasn't ever been verbally or physically abusive. He does a lot for me and with me. He does a great job of helping around the house and makes dinner almost nightly. I keep going back and forth on what to do. It has only been one year. If I divorce now, I'm afraid I'll regret it and feel guilty. I take marriage seriously and the thought of breaking vows is terrifying. I know he has the potential to get clean and I love him so much. Although, I'm also afraid of staying longer and nothing changes or he's good for a while and then relapses. I don't want to waste precious time when I could be moving on. I'll be 26 next month.
It feels good to write that out. I'm so sad and confused. Please keep me in your prayers.
~E
I need a place to share my story and feelings. I'm getting anxious waiting for my counseling appointment next week. Any insight into my situation is welcomed.
I've been married for a year and am currently separated from my husband. Just two weeks after our honeymoon, my husband received a DUI. I then learned that my husband had been drinking while working/drinking on the way home from work, for over a year before we got married. My heart sank learning this. How didn't I know?! I'm still dealing with this betrayal and trying to understand his alcohol abuse.
Just as I thought we were working things out and getting help (talking to family, seeing doctors, meeting with our priest), I learn that the entire time he was continuing to drink and lie to me. I didn't know the extent of his drinking until I looked through his work shed, phone, and bank account. I found an entire bin of empty beer cans. He also recently got into a hit and run incident and didn't tell me about it. I had to find out by reading a text from his employee about meeting with the police. I still don't know all the details (he hit a wheelbarrow) but his court date is next month. I'm afraid he'll get into an accident and hurt himself or someone else. I couldn't live knowing he hurt or killed someone. Plus, we'd be ruined financially for life.
Since he owns his own business, our banks are separate. I knew things have been tight with him, but after I looked through the bank statements, I was mortified to see how careless he is with his spending. He's even purchased a pre-paid credit card. I'm thinking so I can't track his spending.
Another gut-punch is that we will not be buying a home this year - not that I think it's in our best interest at this point. However, he's not in a great financial situation. It was recommend to us that we apply for a mortgage just under my name. It was always our goal to buy a home together after we got married and it's sad we're far from that. Fortunately, I do have a good job and pay our rent and utilities. My mother-in-law told me I need to put my "hopes and dreams on hold"...I can't seem to let that statement go.
I really love him and know life is never perfect. I just cannot take any more of his lies or nights when he is moody because of drinking or withdrawal. I feel more like his mom than his wife. We separated once before for a month just six months into our marriage. I thought then he'd take me and our situation seriously, but things didn't really change. I cannot picture having children with him like this.
Besides struggling with alcohol, he is a very nice man. He hasn't ever been verbally or physically abusive. He does a lot for me and with me. He does a great job of helping around the house and makes dinner almost nightly. I keep going back and forth on what to do. It has only been one year. If I divorce now, I'm afraid I'll regret it and feel guilty. I take marriage seriously and the thought of breaking vows is terrifying. I know he has the potential to get clean and I love him so much. Although, I'm also afraid of staying longer and nothing changes or he's good for a while and then relapses. I don't want to waste precious time when I could be moving on. I'll be 26 next month.
It feels good to write that out. I'm so sad and confused. Please keep me in your prayers.
~E
