So I know about the 3 ONS my H had with colleagues over a period of 7 years....and I have been working on my cheating H to tell me the whole truth for over a year now.
I guess I've been getting the truth, in dribs and drabs...i shut some away to come back to at a later date, too much in one go and i have to defer a bit of it.....weird, i seem to regurgitate information later
like i'll deal with this now and that can wait till i'm ready. When i'm ready i regurgitate and look more closely at it!
So I tried to deal with the most recent ONS (2011) which was horrible and where my first suspicion started.......questions, answers....more questions, more answers until I'm quite sure I know the facts.......and so now i'll deal with the 2005 ONS
...similar story, work conference or meetings away from home in an hotel......too much drink and no morals, no self respect, no self control, no think about wifey for a few hours (out of sight, out of mind) and i'll just, yes, why not?...she'll never find out....it would be rude not to, hell i deserve it! Right?
OK, on some level even I can rationalize a drunken pig of a man taking an open opportunity to get free sex once in a 20 year relationship.
BUT when you learn they have kissed the OW some five weeks after the ONS in an office at work weeks after the drunken ONS happened......whilst sober, then what do you think?
Ok, he was honest in telling me this...he didn't have to.......but i ask the question 'how did you end up kissing her in work weeks after if your so guilty and remorseful about what you've already done?' he says this was 4-5 weeks later......and apparently they have both been really embarrassed about the whole thing and haven't spoken about it. So I want to know how do they end up kissing when they find themselves alone for the first time since their ONS?
How does this happen if the ONS was a drunken mistake.....a deeply regrettable act? It obviously wasn't.....he obviously wanted more......
summary:-
His 1st ONS, in 2005 at a management meeting......very drunk and she invites him into her room..it would be rude to decline right? he claims they had a drunken fumble, he couldn't stay hard and they fell asleep...... some 4-5 weeks later he goes on to make a move on her in the office at a weekend.....even told me he fantasized about having sex in the office with her when they were both in there that day! (nice) So they kissed and nothing else happened
His 2nd, (2008) a NSABJ offer from a colleague (i read the invitation email)....too good an opportunity to miss out on right? he meets her in our family car directly after work where she proceeds to give him head and he goes limp..but it didn't stop him from going back for another try.....again he apparently goes limp! :scratchhead: so he sacks her off, and says 'he's happily married' ....but it wasn't for the want of trying! Intention is everything right?
his 3rd ONS, a works conference in 2011, he kisses OW at the end of the night outside a club because apparently she is so close to him while they are both outsdie having a cig, says he didn't spend the evening with her, they weren't even flirting, but went outside for a cig and out of the blue they were kissing! How does that happen? I ask him 'i dont know' 'i can't remember, i was really drunk' he says.
Later back at the hotel, he asks can he come into her room, where apparently he takes his shirt off (she says) but she keeps her dress on (she says) but she took her dress off (he says) she had a slip on (he says) and they have a drunken fumble.....he doesn't even get to penetration because again, unlucky for him, he's too drunk and they both fall asleep. Embarrassed for a few days in work, when she says "we are adults, we can still talk" or similar words.....they start to be flirty for a few weeks, and he likes it, because someone is giving him attention (he says) and someone is finding his attractive (he says) and so he gets a bit brave and asks her "do you want to meet up?" and I guess she gives him the cold shoulder.......they meet up again briefly outside of work (for another cig) where they both state the flirting should stop because they both 'apparently' love their spouses'
So...what do i digest from my H truths......not that he had 3 drunken ONS, but that he actively sort sexual relations outside of our marriage. That he would have continued sexual relations with at least two of these women had they been available for it.
A marriage I always thought was above and beyond..a marriage where he always made me feel like a princess, his princess. Now i feel like a piece of sh!t!
What a big fat lie......my H was obviously not in love with me, he weighed it up in his head and in the moment he chose them over me, it was worth it at that moment!
...and I wasn't, our marriage wasn't and out 4 beautiful children weren't.
"the truth hurts, but lies are worse" - James Morrison
I guess I've been getting the truth, in dribs and drabs...i shut some away to come back to at a later date, too much in one go and i have to defer a bit of it.....weird, i seem to regurgitate information later
like i'll deal with this now and that can wait till i'm ready. When i'm ready i regurgitate and look more closely at it!So I tried to deal with the most recent ONS (2011) which was horrible and where my first suspicion started.......questions, answers....more questions, more answers until I'm quite sure I know the facts.......and so now i'll deal with the 2005 ONS
...similar story, work conference or meetings away from home in an hotel......too much drink and no morals, no self respect, no self control, no think about wifey for a few hours (out of sight, out of mind) and i'll just, yes, why not?...she'll never find out....it would be rude not to, hell i deserve it! Right?
OK, on some level even I can rationalize a drunken pig of a man taking an open opportunity to get free sex once in a 20 year relationship.
BUT when you learn they have kissed the OW some five weeks after the ONS in an office at work weeks after the drunken ONS happened......whilst sober, then what do you think?
Ok, he was honest in telling me this...he didn't have to.......but i ask the question 'how did you end up kissing her in work weeks after if your so guilty and remorseful about what you've already done?' he says this was 4-5 weeks later......and apparently they have both been really embarrassed about the whole thing and haven't spoken about it. So I want to know how do they end up kissing when they find themselves alone for the first time since their ONS?
How does this happen if the ONS was a drunken mistake.....a deeply regrettable act? It obviously wasn't.....he obviously wanted more......
summary:-
His 1st ONS, in 2005 at a management meeting......very drunk and she invites him into her room..it would be rude to decline right? he claims they had a drunken fumble, he couldn't stay hard and they fell asleep...... some 4-5 weeks later he goes on to make a move on her in the office at a weekend.....even told me he fantasized about having sex in the office with her when they were both in there that day! (nice) So they kissed and nothing else happened
His 2nd, (2008) a NSABJ offer from a colleague (i read the invitation email)....too good an opportunity to miss out on right? he meets her in our family car directly after work where she proceeds to give him head and he goes limp..but it didn't stop him from going back for another try.....again he apparently goes limp! :scratchhead: so he sacks her off, and says 'he's happily married' ....but it wasn't for the want of trying! Intention is everything right?
his 3rd ONS, a works conference in 2011, he kisses OW at the end of the night outside a club because apparently she is so close to him while they are both outsdie having a cig, says he didn't spend the evening with her, they weren't even flirting, but went outside for a cig and out of the blue they were kissing! How does that happen? I ask him 'i dont know' 'i can't remember, i was really drunk' he says.
Later back at the hotel, he asks can he come into her room, where apparently he takes his shirt off (she says) but she keeps her dress on (she says) but she took her dress off (he says) she had a slip on (he says) and they have a drunken fumble.....he doesn't even get to penetration because again, unlucky for him, he's too drunk and they both fall asleep. Embarrassed for a few days in work, when she says "we are adults, we can still talk" or similar words.....they start to be flirty for a few weeks, and he likes it, because someone is giving him attention (he says) and someone is finding his attractive (he says) and so he gets a bit brave and asks her "do you want to meet up?" and I guess she gives him the cold shoulder.......they meet up again briefly outside of work (for another cig) where they both state the flirting should stop because they both 'apparently' love their spouses'
So...what do i digest from my H truths......not that he had 3 drunken ONS, but that he actively sort sexual relations outside of our marriage. That he would have continued sexual relations with at least two of these women had they been available for it.
A marriage I always thought was above and beyond..a marriage where he always made me feel like a princess, his princess. Now i feel like a piece of sh!t!
What a big fat lie......my H was obviously not in love with me, he weighed it up in his head and in the moment he chose them over me, it was worth it at that moment!
...and I wasn't, our marriage wasn't and out 4 beautiful children weren't.
"the truth hurts, but lies are worse" - James Morrison
