So my wife had a short, 5 week EA with an ex high school sweetheart. It was conducted on facebook. After I found the messages,(I did not see most of them, but saw the worst of them) she sent a NC, and they have definitely ended all contact.
Its been about a month since this happened. We have had a lot of communication, and some great sex. What was most important for me to understand has been why she did this.
Her reasons have been:
Because she is forty and was feeling like this is it. Is this life with 3 kids, financial stresses, the ups and downs of marriage it! Om was a nice escape.
He was funny, and made her feel good. He made her feel like she was the one that got away.
It was fantasy - she felt it 'safe' as he was on another continent.
She has always been a 'good girl' and it was exciting exploring a bit of her dark side.
She did not realise at the time it was an EA.
To be honest, compared to some stuff I have read here it was a very mild EA. No picture exchanges, no I love yous, and minimal, but some sexual innuendo and finally a sex chat (brief) at the end.
She has taken responsibility, cut all contact, and initially put up with my question after question, and initially my rage.
We have both acknowledged it was a wake up call for our marriage, and we are committed to using this as a way of talking more about needs etc.
My problem now is when I want to talk about it, and I ask questions, she keeps saying we have been over this. Let it go. lets move forward.
Last night I asked whether she had explored any of the subconscious motivations for this. The subconscious exploration is what can prevent it from happening again.
I asked her if she has read any resources around EA's etc.
She got angry and said no. We are okay. We have agreed to move on. Why must you keep going on and on about this.
I don't know. Perhaps I am looking for too much. Perhaps I should just move on, and to a large extent I have. I just wonder if we have unpacked our various roles in this sufficiently.
I also keep asking her how it went from being fun and chatting about books and movies to more. How did it escalate. When did she realize it was getting risky. Why did she not stop it. She does not like these questions.
Am I expecting too much here.
She is a good wife. I do believe she/we learnt a valuable lesson in taking each other for granted.
I don't know, but I still feel a bit unsettled as to the why.:scratchhead:
My wife is not a great talker, and has never expressed feeling easily. Me on the other hand, I work through things by verbalizing them.
Its been about a month since this happened. We have had a lot of communication, and some great sex. What was most important for me to understand has been why she did this.
Her reasons have been:
Because she is forty and was feeling like this is it. Is this life with 3 kids, financial stresses, the ups and downs of marriage it! Om was a nice escape.
He was funny, and made her feel good. He made her feel like she was the one that got away.
It was fantasy - she felt it 'safe' as he was on another continent.
She has always been a 'good girl' and it was exciting exploring a bit of her dark side.
She did not realise at the time it was an EA.
To be honest, compared to some stuff I have read here it was a very mild EA. No picture exchanges, no I love yous, and minimal, but some sexual innuendo and finally a sex chat (brief) at the end.
She has taken responsibility, cut all contact, and initially put up with my question after question, and initially my rage.
We have both acknowledged it was a wake up call for our marriage, and we are committed to using this as a way of talking more about needs etc.
My problem now is when I want to talk about it, and I ask questions, she keeps saying we have been over this. Let it go. lets move forward.
Last night I asked whether she had explored any of the subconscious motivations for this. The subconscious exploration is what can prevent it from happening again.
I asked her if she has read any resources around EA's etc.
She got angry and said no. We are okay. We have agreed to move on. Why must you keep going on and on about this.
I don't know. Perhaps I am looking for too much. Perhaps I should just move on, and to a large extent I have. I just wonder if we have unpacked our various roles in this sufficiently.
I also keep asking her how it went from being fun and chatting about books and movies to more. How did it escalate. When did she realize it was getting risky. Why did she not stop it. She does not like these questions.
Am I expecting too much here.
She is a good wife. I do believe she/we learnt a valuable lesson in taking each other for granted.
I don't know, but I still feel a bit unsettled as to the why.:scratchhead:
My wife is not a great talker, and has never expressed feeling easily. Me on the other hand, I work through things by verbalizing them.