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1,185 Posts
After awhile, I got tired of the dark cloud. Perhaps it wasnt true "healing" completely, or many people's definition of "getting over it", but rather, a defiance against this gloom. After a year of being divorced, and a few more months after that.. I finally can truly recognize a difference in "whats on my mind lately".
Its not the divorce, or missing the marriage, its not anger towards how it all went down, or the after-effects that rubbed salt in the wounds. Its not worry about lonliness or being exiled from that old life... Its no longer bitterness. Ugh... finally...
I find myself more in a frame of mind, that is guarded against being affected by the ex's doings these days. To remove that off of the list of conscious daily ruminatings is so alleviating.
I would not have thought I could reach this point before. I would never have thought I would reach a point that I no longer hated her, but rather, hoped she was alright, and prayed for her security and happiness.
I was so used to worrying about everything that now i find myself uneasy for not having something to worry about.
--good grief---
Reformulating what is important to me, revising the list, cleaning out the file cabinet and doing a fresh mental defragmentation.
The most important thing I had to do yesterday, was to take down all my Halloween decorations, that and make sure I spent quality time with my kid, as it was the last day of my week with her yesterday. I have to mow the lawn this weekend, before I get a letter from the homeowners association. I have a rear brake light out. Auto parts store within walking distance. Bulb is $2.99
I cant wait for people who were feeling like I did right after the divorce, to get to this point, and I had a hard time believing I would ever get there, as I carry things longer, and ruminate, and mull over it beyond its season.
But its there. That point of jumping away from the island of gloom and swimming towards the shores of "MY" own life.
Where issues like the ones above, miniscule and ordinary, are the focus of the day, and I make my own coffee in the morning, and can sit and flip thru the channels of my own t.v. thinking to myself what is it "I" want to do today?
This is "Life" after divorce.
Now, I work towards my own goals. Paying off debt, doing things to make my house better. Painting, caulking, electrical..
Work is going better. I got a raise on Halloween. 6% not bad..
My kid brought home a great report card this past week.
Now I need to find a woman-friend. BOY DO I NEED TO FIND A WOMAN FRIEND!!!!
--how counterintuitive that may sound....
Its not the divorce, or missing the marriage, its not anger towards how it all went down, or the after-effects that rubbed salt in the wounds. Its not worry about lonliness or being exiled from that old life... Its no longer bitterness. Ugh... finally...
I find myself more in a frame of mind, that is guarded against being affected by the ex's doings these days. To remove that off of the list of conscious daily ruminatings is so alleviating.
I would not have thought I could reach this point before. I would never have thought I would reach a point that I no longer hated her, but rather, hoped she was alright, and prayed for her security and happiness.
I was so used to worrying about everything that now i find myself uneasy for not having something to worry about.
--good grief---
Reformulating what is important to me, revising the list, cleaning out the file cabinet and doing a fresh mental defragmentation.
The most important thing I had to do yesterday, was to take down all my Halloween decorations, that and make sure I spent quality time with my kid, as it was the last day of my week with her yesterday. I have to mow the lawn this weekend, before I get a letter from the homeowners association. I have a rear brake light out. Auto parts store within walking distance. Bulb is $2.99
I cant wait for people who were feeling like I did right after the divorce, to get to this point, and I had a hard time believing I would ever get there, as I carry things longer, and ruminate, and mull over it beyond its season.
But its there. That point of jumping away from the island of gloom and swimming towards the shores of "MY" own life.
Where issues like the ones above, miniscule and ordinary, are the focus of the day, and I make my own coffee in the morning, and can sit and flip thru the channels of my own t.v. thinking to myself what is it "I" want to do today?
This is "Life" after divorce.
Now, I work towards my own goals. Paying off debt, doing things to make my house better. Painting, caulking, electrical..
Work is going better. I got a raise on Halloween. 6% not bad..
My kid brought home a great report card this past week.
Now I need to find a woman-friend. BOY DO I NEED TO FIND A WOMAN FRIEND!!!!
--how counterintuitive that may sound....