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Discussion Starter #61
I will be discussing this more in IC (tomorrow) before pushing the topic again. Because of work I won't see my wife really until Wednesday evening. In the mean time Ill leave it to her to think about where we left things.

I've read mmsl and nmmng and applied some concepts From Both. Point being I know the lingo and the patterns I'm susceptible to. I don't really fit the nmmng mold generally but I see some aspects of it in our marriage for sure.
 

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Thanks for the continued feedback. To prove to a bunch of people I don't know on the internet that I wasn't rugsweeping, I picked a big fight.

DH:"Are you sure x happened?"
DW:"x happened."
DH:"Did x really happen?"
DW"x happened."
DH:"really?"
DW:"x happened. You don't trust me!?!"
DH:"Why would I?"

and it went down hill from there, with me getting as angry and yelling as much as Bandit would say I should... on a totally trivial "x" that I don't even care about... But that wasn't the point. The point is never actually the point, know what I mean? But hey, I get to be a little irrational, right? I mean, look at all of the irrationality I kept fighting for her through.

This reveled:
1) I don't trust her fully, and I will probably not fully trust anyone
2) She may not be able to accept that
3) I endure all kinds of irrationality and continue fighting for her
4) She is ready to throw in the towel on the whole relationship as soon as I go a little crazy, at least in the moment...

Or maybe it was just the night. She had a bad day and I wasn't feeling like being a supportive husband. I was an @ss, at least half on purpose. But I get to be @ss sometimes, and be forgiven, right?
Your feelings are perfectly normal. You are allowed to be up and down and throw shiz in her face. I know I did. She needs to take all of it and repeatedly tell you how she sorry is and hopefully soften your feelings and acknowledge how much she hurt you. If she isn't doing that and wants to throw in the towel then she is not willing to do the work for a successful R. Good luck to you sir.
 

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I would tell her, from what you've said, that the dog kennels are a trigger for you and they remind you of taking care of the dogs while she was taking care of another man.
Clearly this is a trigger for you. You need to deal with this sooner rather than later. The longer it goes on the worse it will become. If you don't talk about it, she may not recognize this is a trigger. If she doesn't recognize this she can't work with you through this. If she does recognize it's a trigger, but doesn't take the appropriate actions, good luck. Speaking from experience this will not get better and you will not just wake up one day and forget about it.
 

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Honestly, I'd drop the dogs and find some other hobby to share w/ your wife... something that requires much less time, commitment, and poop-cleaning.
 

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Discussion Starter #65
I've discussed the issue twice in IC and once in MC. My wife is willing to cut back and take responsibility for it as her hobby but doesn't want to give it up entirely. I'm game for trying that for a while. We will see what happens.
 

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What kind of cut backs are you talking?

If i remember you guys have 100K....so are you selling 50k worth of assets.

My point is what is the cut back in terms of money...not just time...You said you had a lot of dough dropped into this breed of dog.

You would think that a "cut back" also meant assets as well as time.
 

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Discussion Starter #67
We've placed two studs with other breeders and have decided to not keep any from the current litters. We've also agreed not to pursue any new aquisitions. We have a ton of frozen semen from all over the world that i supose could be liquidated but keeping a cryogenic tank topped off is pretty low effort.

So no we haven't really liquidated any assets, but we've started in the right direction.


I'm learning that time moves strangely with affair recovery. Some weeks the whole world changes, some things take months to change at all.
 
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