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Why does this matter so much to YOU? This isn't life.

Seriously, for a whole horde of posters....WHY is what other people do about THEIR infidelity situations so very vital;ly important to YOU? If you still have stuff to work through regarding your own situations, work on that. It's just plain creepy and unhealthy to use strangers to get satisfaction the way a dad who blew out his knee pushes his kid to play football.
Yes
 

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Why does this matter so much to YOU? This isn't life.



Seriously, for a whole horde of posters....WHY is what other people do about THEIR infidelity situations so very vital;ly important to YOU? If you still have stuff to work through regarding your own situations, work on that. It's just plain creepy and unhealthy to use strangers to get satisfaction the way a dad who blew out his knee pushes his kid to play football.


And if you don’t give a damn what happens to people, why even post on any threads? Why are you so offended?




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And if you don’t give a damn what happens to people, why even post on any threads? Why are you so offended?




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Yes, because those are the only two alternatives:

Be overly married to what other people do that I wish I had done (or that gives me the satisfaction of being a part of sticking it to all cheaters)

Or not caring at all.


Come on, you can do better than that
 

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I remember your story. You've been with him since you were 16 and have always been financially dependent on him IIRC. There was no doubt that he wasn't telling you the truth at the time and never planned to. You reconciled and life has gone on. Now you have some (maybe even all) of the rest of the story. What should you do with that? Tell him what you've been told. You already know you're not going to leave him but what you want is for him to finally, for once, respect you enough to tell you the truth. Tell him that too. He may or may not come clean when confronted with her version of the affair but at least he'll know that you know.
 

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Yes, because those are the only two alternatives:

Be overly married to what other people do that I wish I had done (or that gives me the satisfaction of being a part of sticking it to all cheaters)

Or not caring at all.


Come on, you can do better than that
Not sure why it is that you decided to nitpick on me, but I dont give a damn what you think. You are the one on here always attacking other posters, unprovoked. So I am not the one with issues, here.

I dont like to see people being hurt and not standing up for themselves, and continuing to be hurt because of it.
 

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Not sure why it is that you decided to nitpick on me, but I dont give a damn what you think. You are the one on here always attacking other posters, unprovoked. So I am not the one with issues, here.

I dont like to see people being hurt and not standing up for themselves, and continuing to be hurt because of it.
Lol okay dude

Your profanity laced defensiveness suggests otherwise.

I get it. There are a couple of hurts in my own life that, when triggered, bring out the vicarious revenge in me as well.
 

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I don't want to leave him. As bad as this sounds. I know he loves me. There was a 2 year period that he got on drugs. I know that had a lot to do with the choices he made. He has got his life strait since then. He is so ashamed of the things he did during that time. We barely made it through the first go around. I just don't know if it's worth all the pain it would cause us both.
What a loving and forgiving person you are.

What a selfish and dumb thing he did to you.

I would tell your cheater husband, calmly, what the POSOW finally admitted to her soon to be ex-husband, the other BS.

This will refresh his efforts to make this tragedy, right. Uh, we hope.





[TH]-
 

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If you have made the decision to reconcile, look at what he has become, not what he was.
... and part of that look needs to be at whether or not he is continuing to live a lie with you. If he obscured details and minimized, and never corrected the deliberate omissions or lies, then that is still the best indicator of who he is now.
 

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Why does this matter so much to YOU? This isn't life.

Seriously, for a whole horde of posters....WHY is what other people do about THEIR infidelity situations so very vital;ly important to YOU? If you still have stuff to work through regarding your own situations, work on that. It's just plain creepy and unhealthy to use strangers to get satisfaction the way a dad who blew out his knee pushes his kid to play football.
Its clear that this board is totally full of people who got burned and can't get over it, so gosh darn-it, everyone else should feel it too. Misery loves company. I' figured that out a long time ago here.

To the OP- if you are happy right now with your husband and can live with what you heard, I say let the phone call go.
 

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I am in agreement that every detail isn't a indication of remorse or not. There are details that could just be hurtful/painful/destructive and ultimately are not important. You could argue that it is the BS who gets to decide that, but once they know, they cannot un-know it.
 

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I am in agreement that every detail isn't a indication of remorse or not. There are details that could just be hurtful/painful/destructive and ultimately are not important. You could argue that it is the BS who gets to decide that, but once they know, they cannot un-know it.
Details are an indication of remorse.
All of them.
It's called owning up.
Anything short of that is MANIPULATION.

OP......If you can't understand why someone is doing something, look at the consequences of their actions, whatever they might be, and then infer the motivations from their consequences.
 

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Details are an indication of remorse.
All of them.
It's called owning up.
Anything short of that is MANIPULATION.

OP......If you can't understand why someone is doing something, look at the consequences of their actions, whatever they might be, and then infer the motivations from their consequences.
I believe that the offender should give all details asked for. I think that's the right thing to do.
However, an offending spouse would have real fears of further traumatizing their spouse, whether they have the right to make that call or not, they may act on it to protect themself, their spouse, and the marriage.
I understand how this could be construed as non-repentant, but I think a person can have those real fears and not tell all while still sincerely being repentant. I also realize that many people will strongly disagree with me, but there it is.
 

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HUGE difference between 3 times and 50+ times, though. In reality, OP didnt realize what it was she was actually forgiving, and that just isnt fair. Its the WS downplaying their deceit and that is dishonest and disrespectful to the person who is giving them another chance. 50 times is a whole other level of involvement and deception. (not that 3 is ok...)

OP I think if you just sit on this info, its going to tear you up inside, at least talk about it with your H, and see what he does with it.
 
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