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110 Posts
I met my wife 2 years ago when I relocated to a new job in Georgia. I was going through a terrible divorce from my x wife and for awhile while we were dating my x wife made my life hell and didn't want to see me happy. me and my wife now did everything we could to fight through and make sense of our relationship. we were honest from the start and i knew that she also had been divorced from a man that she was with for 10 years and left her with two boys of whom he has nothing to do with and only pays $50 in child support. my ex wife doesn't allow me to see my son so we shared a natural a common bond that i felt we shared. we both were tired of being hurt and mistreated and wanted the best for us and we felt we deserved to have happiness together. she has been through alot in life with her parents growing up in a broken home, an abusive mother, and people letting her down all her life. after a short while we moved in together and we instantly became best friends. we sat and watched movies all day, we went out and enjoyed life, and sex was great.
a few months we decided to have her children come down here and live with us for awhile to see if we could manage it. little did i know she and her mother agreed that her mother could stay down here because her mother was going through a situation with her husband at the time. i agreed and all hell broke loose. we were often broke, due to the fact that my child support took away a good chunk of change away from our household, and i began to find ways to bring extra money in. i took a interest in night club photography, which took up some of our family time and caused such a terrible riff that i let it go. everyday i was being accused of cheating or what i was doing i was doing that reminded her of her ex husband and i never once cheated.
mom wasn't to helpful during that time either. long story short her mother was down here abusing her and i called the police on her mother because she was becoming such an issue. her mother left and the kids stayed. money was still and issue but there were times when God would bless us with a little here and there to make it on.
during this period we fought and argued alot and i began to drink heavily. the stress from work and home was becoming too much and i turned to the bottle instead of God. there would be times when we'd fight and she would get so mad and start throwing my things and yelling at me. she started locking me out of the house. i can remember several times where i've had to restrain her or push her away from actually hurting me. she claimed she was scared of me after this and there was an instance where i did choke her because she was going bizzerk and that was something that i've never done before to any woman and it scared me ****less. during all of this my wife's x of 10 years got remarried and it seemed to take another hit on her. she was frustrated and cried and got upset when i was made trying to understand why she was so hurt by it, literally crying over it. she said that i shouldn't be so selfish because that was the person she wanted to be with for the rest of her life with. i moved on from it let it go. eventually do to our financial situation and the fighting her mother and stepfather all agreed the kids should come back to live with them. she was depressed for weeks and understandbly so.
i felt awful like it was my fault and we couldn't do what i had promised her from the beginning which was help her take care of her and her kids. the fighting continued and during one of these fights i saw on her facebook where she sent a old friend "i just need to find someone who can be a man and take care of me and my kids." this caused a huge fight and this was the time i had to restrain her, she was kicking, throwing things, biting me, hitting me i didn't know what to do and i was scared. we worked through those issues and for several months we were okay, but things were never the same. knowing all of this we decided to get married in march of this year and things were okay for awhile.
in september i changed jobs and left the military after 5 years and decided to move on to new and better things. i stopped drinking committed myself to doing better and i have. the past 3 months have been hard though on us again financially. before i was able to give her $200 every two weeks to help with bills and that's including what else i would help pay for. the army held my last pay check for 2 months and during this time i found a new job working at the railroad and she's even gotten money from financial aid (the past year) and threre was a month she had to pay the cable and phone bills. even through then i was still giving her as much as i could to help and never asked her to use any of her money to help me with my bills. she even asked me to take money out of my child support money orders so she could get her hair done! i was shocked.
the arguing continued but our communication dwindled, i've spent alot of time on the couch or in "my room". the sex has changed to about once a month at best because it pains her to her sex now. we barely touch each other and even when we do it feels forced or like "let's get this over with". because of that and when would ask she would either be too tired or not in the mood i started looking at playboy. i can remember he even telling me because she saw i went a website that my ex use to do that and that's how he started cheating on me. her ex husband had 2 kids on her while they were married and cheated brought home stds, would laugh at her when they had sex and compare her to women he was cheating on her with, he was awful to her. she put that all on me when she saw i had a playboy account saying she didn't care if i left because i wasn't mature enough to handle marriage.
when i came back from training for my new job she was upset because i told her i couldn't trust her. but how can i trust someone who constantly compares me to her ex, who says hurtful things like "i don't believe in love", or "don't count on people because they'll just hurt you in the end" or who won't ever discuss her feelings or emotions when they're upset. how am i suppose to be with someone who refuses to share intimacy and emotion and would rather sit on their ipad or computer all day playing online games or on facebook. whose only conversation is about her day and all of her problems and when she's depressed and i try to make her feel better just sits and won't accept my love? who doesn't want to cook, clean or even go out? who can't and won't be a team with me? how am i suppose to trust someone like that? so for the last month she's been all depressed about our finances, about life and work. she's been seeing a therapist but doesn't want to take meds and is going through cognitive behavior. she says i need to see someone too but i already went through counseling last year and the year before when my ex wife was putting me through hell and to this day year later hasn't allowed me to see my son...but that's another story.
now this week with my new job i had to work on thanksgiving. my wife took vacation to go home and once again i'm the selfish one. last week she said apart of her being so depressed is the money i've given her has gone down and she doesn't think she'll be able to see her family. once again God blessed us and i got money from the va and was able to give her a few bucks to go home. she's been playing the lottery alot lately and his this addiction and won $75 dollars that i didn't know about. when i found out this tuesday i had to work on thanksgiving she said how bad she felt and all and wanted me to go so she left to see her family while i'm here alone by myself. so i planned come up thursday after work and come home friday with her. somehow we miscommunicated and she's not coming home til saturday so i said forget it i'll stay home. she got upset and said i was being selfish and childish and i suggested how could i be selfish when i wanted you to go home? i even told her if it was me i would've stay home but my family is on the west coast so i have no other choice but to be here alone so why would i make her stay with me? she was so depressed and sad about not seeing her family now she's mad and upset because in her mind i was making her choose between seeing her kids and being here with me when i never once said that. now it seems like we're back in this vicious circle of arguing and fighting and i'm tired and want to leave. i'm too scared to leave because i don't want to be a disappoint to her and her boys who are the eye of my heart and whom my parents love too and i'm afraid of not being able to support myself either. i don't know what to do anymore and i don't want to be in a loveless marriage either. i've suggested marriage counseling but it doesn't seem like she wants to go. i don't know what to do...sorry for the long story but this has been on my chest for sometime and i don't have anyone to talk to and i'm going crazy trying to decide should i leave or go...any help would be appreciated...Thanks!
a few months we decided to have her children come down here and live with us for awhile to see if we could manage it. little did i know she and her mother agreed that her mother could stay down here because her mother was going through a situation with her husband at the time. i agreed and all hell broke loose. we were often broke, due to the fact that my child support took away a good chunk of change away from our household, and i began to find ways to bring extra money in. i took a interest in night club photography, which took up some of our family time and caused such a terrible riff that i let it go. everyday i was being accused of cheating or what i was doing i was doing that reminded her of her ex husband and i never once cheated.
mom wasn't to helpful during that time either. long story short her mother was down here abusing her and i called the police on her mother because she was becoming such an issue. her mother left and the kids stayed. money was still and issue but there were times when God would bless us with a little here and there to make it on.
during this period we fought and argued alot and i began to drink heavily. the stress from work and home was becoming too much and i turned to the bottle instead of God. there would be times when we'd fight and she would get so mad and start throwing my things and yelling at me. she started locking me out of the house. i can remember several times where i've had to restrain her or push her away from actually hurting me. she claimed she was scared of me after this and there was an instance where i did choke her because she was going bizzerk and that was something that i've never done before to any woman and it scared me ****less. during all of this my wife's x of 10 years got remarried and it seemed to take another hit on her. she was frustrated and cried and got upset when i was made trying to understand why she was so hurt by it, literally crying over it. she said that i shouldn't be so selfish because that was the person she wanted to be with for the rest of her life with. i moved on from it let it go. eventually do to our financial situation and the fighting her mother and stepfather all agreed the kids should come back to live with them. she was depressed for weeks and understandbly so.
i felt awful like it was my fault and we couldn't do what i had promised her from the beginning which was help her take care of her and her kids. the fighting continued and during one of these fights i saw on her facebook where she sent a old friend "i just need to find someone who can be a man and take care of me and my kids." this caused a huge fight and this was the time i had to restrain her, she was kicking, throwing things, biting me, hitting me i didn't know what to do and i was scared. we worked through those issues and for several months we were okay, but things were never the same. knowing all of this we decided to get married in march of this year and things were okay for awhile.
in september i changed jobs and left the military after 5 years and decided to move on to new and better things. i stopped drinking committed myself to doing better and i have. the past 3 months have been hard though on us again financially. before i was able to give her $200 every two weeks to help with bills and that's including what else i would help pay for. the army held my last pay check for 2 months and during this time i found a new job working at the railroad and she's even gotten money from financial aid (the past year) and threre was a month she had to pay the cable and phone bills. even through then i was still giving her as much as i could to help and never asked her to use any of her money to help me with my bills. she even asked me to take money out of my child support money orders so she could get her hair done! i was shocked.
the arguing continued but our communication dwindled, i've spent alot of time on the couch or in "my room". the sex has changed to about once a month at best because it pains her to her sex now. we barely touch each other and even when we do it feels forced or like "let's get this over with". because of that and when would ask she would either be too tired or not in the mood i started looking at playboy. i can remember he even telling me because she saw i went a website that my ex use to do that and that's how he started cheating on me. her ex husband had 2 kids on her while they were married and cheated brought home stds, would laugh at her when they had sex and compare her to women he was cheating on her with, he was awful to her. she put that all on me when she saw i had a playboy account saying she didn't care if i left because i wasn't mature enough to handle marriage.
when i came back from training for my new job she was upset because i told her i couldn't trust her. but how can i trust someone who constantly compares me to her ex, who says hurtful things like "i don't believe in love", or "don't count on people because they'll just hurt you in the end" or who won't ever discuss her feelings or emotions when they're upset. how am i suppose to be with someone who refuses to share intimacy and emotion and would rather sit on their ipad or computer all day playing online games or on facebook. whose only conversation is about her day and all of her problems and when she's depressed and i try to make her feel better just sits and won't accept my love? who doesn't want to cook, clean or even go out? who can't and won't be a team with me? how am i suppose to trust someone like that? so for the last month she's been all depressed about our finances, about life and work. she's been seeing a therapist but doesn't want to take meds and is going through cognitive behavior. she says i need to see someone too but i already went through counseling last year and the year before when my ex wife was putting me through hell and to this day year later hasn't allowed me to see my son...but that's another story.
now this week with my new job i had to work on thanksgiving. my wife took vacation to go home and once again i'm the selfish one. last week she said apart of her being so depressed is the money i've given her has gone down and she doesn't think she'll be able to see her family. once again God blessed us and i got money from the va and was able to give her a few bucks to go home. she's been playing the lottery alot lately and his this addiction and won $75 dollars that i didn't know about. when i found out this tuesday i had to work on thanksgiving she said how bad she felt and all and wanted me to go so she left to see her family while i'm here alone by myself. so i planned come up thursday after work and come home friday with her. somehow we miscommunicated and she's not coming home til saturday so i said forget it i'll stay home. she got upset and said i was being selfish and childish and i suggested how could i be selfish when i wanted you to go home? i even told her if it was me i would've stay home but my family is on the west coast so i have no other choice but to be here alone so why would i make her stay with me? she was so depressed and sad about not seeing her family now she's mad and upset because in her mind i was making her choose between seeing her kids and being here with me when i never once said that. now it seems like we're back in this vicious circle of arguing and fighting and i'm tired and want to leave. i'm too scared to leave because i don't want to be a disappoint to her and her boys who are the eye of my heart and whom my parents love too and i'm afraid of not being able to support myself either. i don't know what to do anymore and i don't want to be in a loveless marriage either. i've suggested marriage counseling but it doesn't seem like she wants to go. i don't know what to do...sorry for the long story but this has been on my chest for sometime and i don't have anyone to talk to and i'm going crazy trying to decide should i leave or go...any help would be appreciated...Thanks!