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I think it's important for you to not let her dictate your priorities, your beliefs, and your values. If hers are quite different from yours, you might have to acknowledge that you're simply incompatible in some ways and either find ways that BOTH of you can agree to in order to work around those things.

You are correct in believing you have a right to see your family members within reason. Once a month is certainly reasonable unless it involves expensive travel or neglecting your wife's legitimate needs (such as if she required medical care). Her expectation that you not do so because she doesn't want to is an unreasonable expectation, so just don't do it. It's up to her to find a way to deal with that.

If her way to deal with that is to have questionable conversations that can undermine your marriage, then you're back to the same thing - incompatibility that either requires you to find a solution you can both live with, or continue to disagree.

When there's too much incompatibility and disagreement, a relationship will eventually turn hostile or fall apart, sometimes both.
 
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