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Would exercise caution when you choose to inform your affair partner of the pregnancy. You should do it in front of witnesses, his wife and a few others. Your affair partner has the most to lose so he will be the one likely to be violent toward you. Your revelation will end his marriage and his family as he knows it. He will not look kindly on you and think you got pregnant on purpose.

As another has said you can leave your husband as last to know what you have done. You have already betrayed him and humiliated him in the worst way possible. One more small slight, being the last to know, won't make a difference.

As far as you finding another husband, you should give up this fantasy now. Single mothers are not in high demand much less any demand with eligible bachelors. Especially with your circumstances - adultery and children as a result. Those that do take an interest will be much like your friend/AP. They will be there to knock boots only. They will not have any interest in raising another mans children.

Hopefully you have enjoyed the fantasy life you lived at your husband's expense. What you will experience going forward will be far less pleasant. If you have a strong family support system you will be relying on them heavily.

Good luck
Thankfully there are some lovely decent men around who will marry women who have children. I know a few families where that has happened.
 

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I don't know his wife and have none of her contact info. I'm not sure how I'll be able to know that he's told her the full story unless I go to their house and knock on the door. Something tells me that won't be a good idea.
Put a letter through the door when you know he will be out.
 

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You need to be honest but I don't really know what you are expecting. This other man is cheating on his wife. Hes not relationship material. But I guess neither are you as you're cheating on your husband. And every cheater claims their relationship is on the rocks, its how they justify their horrible actions. If somehow he does leave his wife which is very unlikely, he will do same to you. You have to wonder is his marriage really what he tells you it is? Why not just be honest and break up before starting a relationship with someone else? That would be way easier to deal with than what your future holds. The OM most likely isn't going to come running to your side. Don't be surprised if he pressures you to get an abortion to save his marriage which he has no intentions of leaving.
 

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Well I hope you’ve been able to tell your husband tonight... best to focus on what’s best for you and the twins now.
Maybe being on your own is best for your future - rely on family to help out... I think you can definitely do this once you get into a routine.
If so, don’t look back - just do your best for a new future knowing you’ll have two babies to live/who need you.
 

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It occurs to me that we're operating under the assumption that her husband will actually want a divorce.

I think there's a high probability of that, but what if he doesn't?

What then? It has happened.
Valid question. I think then there is going to be a crazy amount of work to try and salvage this AND raise twins. They’re having issues and marital problems with no kids already... honestly that would probably be the best scenario for these kids but I doubt he’d want anything to do with that. She seems kind of ambivalent about the marriage as well.
Not good.
 

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Wow this thread...Don’t get it twisted I hate it because of the infidelity and the lives that will forever be altered BUT the OP isn’t having an abortion which to some would make her “lower” yet she Is being bombarded with every single reason why a woman WOULD have an abortion. Social shunning, no chance of a decent man marrying her in the future etc. She should carry these babies but give them away? She should lie about their conception?
I am gobsmacked.
She can adopt the children to a loving family. Better than killing a baby.
 

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I don’t know if I’m even allowed to comment on this, but the timing on some of these scary posts is freaking me out...
 

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Again, I just wanted to present a very clear picture of what I foresaw. Not going to judge you one way or the other.

And I'll also tell you, I found out about my history when I was in my 20's. So the situation won't be the same for your kids. Though if you have anything you want to ask me privately, feel free. But I'd suggest lots of love for those kids, some counseling, and perhaps most importantly discipline.
Because when I found out about my history, in hindsight, I needed someone that could discipline me. But I was old enough at the time that no one in my family really could. I was angry and lashing out in very self-destructive ways. I didn't need love, I needed discipline.
If you had felt truly loved and valued, you wouldn't have lashed out so badly and needed discipline.
 

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Just stating there are other great options also.
Without thread jacking it seems that we as a society have not come very far over the last 50 years or so. The OP was ”praised” for not considering abortion and then inundated with all the typical finger pointing that happens to women who have babies as single mothers.
 

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In my state, they will not allow a divorce to be finalized before birth. They also apparently will automatically assume husband is the legal father until paternity is established. I'm expecting to have to establish the other man as the father immediately following birth and hope that he doesn't cause any difficulty with this. There are ways to get a DNA test before birth, but based on my limited knowledge I believe they come with risks. I'm not sure that it would even matter since the law apparently says what it does, but I will find out from an expert.
The new test before birth have no risk now.
 

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I'm keeping the babies, but I do intend to go to counseling. If my children need to go to counseling to help them deal with this in the future I will send them too.

I get that abortion, divorce, and trying to move on would be the easiest thing to do but I can't seem to make myself do it.
I am glad you have decided to keep the babies.
 

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Without thread jacking it seems that we as a society have not come very far over the last 50 years or so. The OP was ”praised” for not considering abortion and then inundated with all the typical finger pointing that happens to women who have babies as single mothers.
Do you think that could be because of the affair? How they were conceived? Either way its wrong for people to do that (finger pointing),and those babies lives come first as far as I am concerned.
 

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Do you think that could be because of the affair? How they were conceived? Either way its wrong for people to do that and those babies lives come first as far as I am concerned.
You read the thread, what do you think about some of the replies? I get that this is a hot button issue for many, including myself.
 
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