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what about the poster that had an affair but it stopped short of sex , for me the fact they did not get to the sex has little difference ,as trust is broken and affection had moved , I still call it cheating ,
An EA would be hard to get past due to broken trust, but I think I could get past it if spouse did the right things. Sex however would be end of story. No getting past the physical cheating for me.
 

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An EA would be hard to get past due to broken trust, but I think I could get past it if spouse did the right things. Sex however would be end of story. No getting past the physical cheating for me.
for me I can not be with a person that i don't trust , every time late getting home , if the car brakes down I would think she is at it again , I could not live with that type life
 
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Many years ago my wife and I had discussion about affairs, and she told me without my asking or any pretext that she would forgive me if I had an affair. I never gave her any smallest reason to doubt my faithfulness to her but I felt and still feel very good that my wife would be able to forgive me if I mad some stupid mistake. It only made my love for her even stronger. I would have felt completely different if she told me upfront that our marriage is over if ever have an affair.
In my book, the love was never there to being with, or it wasn't strong enough if one person has an affair. I've never seen a woman mistakenly open her legs for another man or vice versa.
 

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I see disparate advice around dead bedrooms, but not affairs. As a matter of fact, there was one guy who told a woman that had discovered her husband was cheating that she should offer to have threesomes with the mistress and I believe he was banned for that specific (terrible) advice. The only instance of disparate advice around affairs I've seen is when the WS posts and admits the affair, and the difference is whether or not they show any remorse. A remorseful cheater will still get both barrels, but it's more gentle. Unrepentant cheaters don't generally last very long.
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
Unfortunately it’s that old double standard, there’s so much expected for a woman to change when that happens so that things will “work out “ but when it is the other way around men are expected to drop the women just like that because they dared betray them. I don’t know what it is and why that seems to still be prevalent nowadays but you’re right it is BS!

women are urged to change the way they are , physically and emotionally to suit their partner and yet most of the time no accountability is taken when the men do the betraying … let alone expect to change to make things bette for the wife

what is with that ?!
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
Total double standard. Woman are expected to work on the marriage for the kids and try harder and look better etc.

Men generally won’t tolerate infidelity and basically won’t tolerate the competition or comparisons in bed. God forbid a man should be told to be a better lover, be more romantic etc.

personally I say if there is cheating just get a divorce. Yes it’s probably both parties fault why it happened but love starts with self love and respect starts with respecting yourself. Better alone than in bad company
 

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Maybe in my parents' time it was popular advice to women to endure cheating and work on the marriage but in all my time here I have never seen anyone comment that a woman should just let her husband cheat. If I am wrong and there are posters here saying women should stay despite their husband's affairs, please show me the post.
 

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Maybe in my parents' time it was popular advice to women to endure cheating and work on the marriage but in all my time here I have never seen anyone comment that a woman should just let her husband cheat. If I am wrong and there are posters here saying women should stay despite their husband's affairs, please show me the post.
On popular advice to women in your parents time.

Here is some advice on this, as found in an extremely popular mass circulation Australian women's magazine, called New Idea from May 22, 1971.

A WISE WIFE"S GUIDE

AN OVERDOSE OF TOGETHERNESS CAN TAKE THE MAGIC OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE - BETTY WYSON TELLS HOW TO KEEP YOURSELF EXCITINGLY DESIRABLE FOR YOUR MAN!

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COSMETIC CARE

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HUSBAND AND WIFE RELATIONSHIP

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INFIDELITY

Don't accuse your husband if you suspect him of being unfaithful. He will have to confirm or deny. If he denies, will you believe him?––And if he confirms then what?

Do if you suspect him try to discover why he has strayed. If you have been less attentive and cooperative physically, subtly try to interest him. If he responds, you are on the right track. If you have had something good between you before, there is a good chance of making his outside interest less interesting. You must if you want to keep him. One small indiscretion on his part is not worth risking the marriage for the sake of confrontation. Sometimes what you don't know doesn't hurt you.

Do, however, weigh the alternatives if he makes a habit of affairs. If he remains attentive to you at the same time, decide whether to live with it, or risk a showdown.

Do if you find yourself involved with another man, try for a discreet affair. But give some serious thought to what you want, should your husband find out.

Don't if your affair doesn't last and you and your husband make it up, have a seizure of guilt and confess all to him. It is more selfish than honest to confess an indiscretion, and you have given your husband grounds to doubt you in the future. The shock of your secret, and the possible blow to his male ego might cause him to strike out to hurt you in the same way.

THE DOMESTIC SCENE

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CHILDREN

...
 

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Unfortunately it’s that old double standard, there’s so much expected for a woman to change when that happens so that things will “work out “ but when it is the other way around men are expected to drop the women just like that because they dared betray them. I don’t know what it is and why that seems to still be prevalent nowadays but you’re right it is BS!

women are urged to change the way they are , physically and emotionally to suit their partner and yet most of the time no accountability is taken when the men do the betraying … let alone expect to change to make things bette for the wife

what is with that ?!
I think it's to do with wounded ego.
 

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Maybe in my parents' time it was popular advice to women to endure cheating and work on the marriage but in all my time here I have never seen anyone comment that a woman should just let her husband cheat. If I am wrong and there are posters here saying women should stay despite their husband's affairs, please show me the post.
Why don't you just do a search for the word weight and I'm certain you'll find some.
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
I’ve been a member of this site and other similar ones since 2017 and find no truth in your claims. I’m a male, and personally speaking I’m more inclined to recommend a woman leave a relationship after being cheated on because my b.s.meter is razor sharp from a guy perspective.

Maybe I need to read and comment more on female betrayed spouses! I’m without prejudice when comes to commenting on BS threads. It’s hard for me to accept people not standing up for themselves.
 

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I’ve been a member of this site and other similar ones since 2017 and find no truth in your claims. I’m a male, and personally speaking I’m more inclined to recommend a woman leave a relationship after being cheated on because my b.s.meter is razor sharp from a guy perspective.

Maybe I need to read and comment more on female betrayed spouses! I’m without prejudice when comes to commenting on BS threads. It’s hard for me to accept people not standing up for themselves.
i agree cheating is cheating
and it is cheating if you do anything that you can't show your so called other half
like sending text or chatting up a co worker telling yourself that it is not cheating because there was not sex is only trying to fool yourself , you are right in the BS

i don't often give advice because it is only to a poster that is telling the their side
we often get the one my partner is so bad to me and 6 posts later we get the post saying they culled a co worker but did not cross and boundaries "my eye "
 
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Unfortunately it’s that old double standard, there’s so much expected for a woman to change when that happens so that things will “work out “ but when it is the other way around men are expected to drop the women just like that because they dared betray them. I don’t know what it is and why that seems to still be prevalent nowadays but you’re right it is BS!

women are urged to change the way they are , physically and emotionally to suit their partner and yet most of the time no accountability is taken when the men do the betraying … let alone expect to change to make things bette for the wife

what is with that ?!
Fascinating how people can see such completely different things.

Not exclusively here on TAM, but across many different discussion areas, it quite often presented that when a man has an affair, he is blasted for having an affair. When a woman has an affair, her husband is blasted for causing her to have an affair.
 
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Fascinating how people can see such completely different things.

Not exclusively here on TAM, but across many different discussion areas, it quite often presented that when a man has an affair, he is blasted for having an affair. When a woman has an affair, her husband is blasted for causing her to have an affair.
Hm, I can’t say I’ve seen this either. I think anyone who is wishy-washy and in denial gets a nice slap across the face regardless of what’s between their legs.

I’ve never heard a man referred to as “the town bicycle” though, and that’s been said many times about a WW. I’m not offended by it, it’s an interesting description. I just wish it was as effective to call out men for being wh0res too though. The town salami slinger just doesn’t have the same impact. Man-Ho and manwh0re is like a compliment. Not fair.
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
I have never seen this difference you are reporting. You must be imagining it or going by what someone else said they've seen. That advice isn't here to be found.
 

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I personally believe that true happy marriages can overcome an affair from either wife or a husband. People who love each other can forgive. If you are ready to give up your marriage and your love because if just one mistake then you do not love your parnter.
Cheating isn't a mistake, that is the problem. It is a choice, actually many, many choices a you betray your spouse with every single one of them.

If your wife strikes up a conversation with a male coworker, it progresses and becomes sexual over the course of a month or two, nudes are exchanges, make out sessions at lunch ensue, then come the plans for a hotel while you are out of town or she is supposed to be away for work. She sleeps with him then immediately confesses to you. That is a "mistake" you can forgive?

BTW, reverse the genders and nothing changes.
 
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