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What’s bashing about stating men usually are out end of story but want wife to try again because they just enjoyed sex elsewhere ?
Men are usually out?! I could point to about 6 running thread on other sites where the guys are like groveling dogs as their wives repeatedly abuse them. It's rare when you see women who are that pathetic.
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
What I typically see is when the man cheats, he still does everything in his power to keep his wife. When a woman cheats, she usually chooses the affair partner (but keeps husband on the hook until she can ascertain AP wants to keep her)
 

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Men are usually out?! I could point to about 6 running thread on other sites where the guys are like groveling dogs as their wives repeatedly abuse them. It's rare when you see women who are that pathetic.
That is what I see mostly...weak, pathetic men. How boys are being raised nowadays
 

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I personally believe that true happy marriages can overcome an affair from either wife or a husband. People who love each other can forgive. If you are ready to give up your marriage and your love because if just one mistake then you do not love your parnter.
We’ll, at least you are aptly named with your choice of handle.

There is so much ridiculously wrong in this short post, I’m not even going to try. You won’t understand.
 

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We’ll, at least you are aptly named with your choice of handle.

There is so much ridiculously wrong in this short post, I’m not even going to try. You won’t understand.
Many years ago my wife and I had discussion about affairs, and she told me without my asking or any pretext that she would forgive me if I had an affair. I never gave her any smallest reason to doubt my faithfulness to her but I felt and still feel very good that my wife would be able to forgive me if I mad some stupid mistake. It only made my love for her even stronger. I would have felt completely different if she told me upfront that our marriage is over if ever have an affair.
 

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Discussion Starter · #28 ·
Many years ago my wife and I had discussion about affairs, and she told me without my asking or any pretext that she would forgive me if I had an affair. I never gave her any smallest reason to doubt my faithfulness to her but I felt and still feel very good that my wife would be able to forgive me if I mad some stupid mistake. It only made my love for her even stronger. I would have felt completely different if she told me upfront that our marriage is over if ever have an affair.
Why? Do you feel your marriage should have a hall pass?
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
It’s not as easy for most people who are cheated on to have the wherewithal to say “game over”. That’s what everyone thinks they will do right up until it happens to them. That’s why this place in invaluable for people who are in shock and need guidance.

I have seen 2 or 3 specific guys encourage a BW to sl#t it up or encourage an open marriage instead of being upset. But those idiots are mostly banned now and were called out on it at the time.

I specifically never was told anything like that, though a few people insinuated I had responsibility for being cheated on in a few threads, I had no problem telling them they had their head in their butt.

I don’t think we can generalize the kind of advice that comes through, especially by sex. If anything I would more generalize that men seem to be total jerks to some BH on here and BW are mostly left alone by the male population. But that could just be a season, skewed viewpoint on my part, or a glitch in the matrix. I dunno. But I don’t see a pattern of what you’re describing here, I’m actually surprised by it.
 

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Why? Do you feel your marriage should have a hall pass?
I told you I never gave my wife any reason to doubt my love for her and my faithfulness. I am.noy even aroused by any woman except her. But I feel very good that the woman I love so much would not dump me or be ready to destroy our marriage if I hypothetically made some mistake. I I do absolutely believe her she would have forgiven me.

I believe only truly strong marriage can withstand betrayal.
 

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I told you I never gave my wife any reason to doubt my love for her and my faithfulness. I am.noy even aroused by any woman except her. But I feel very good that the woman I love so much would not dump me or be ready to destroy our marriage if I hypothetically made some mistake. I I do absolutely believe her she would have forgiven me.

I believe only truly strong marriage can withstand betrayal.
I don’t understand statements of blanket forgiveness when you don’t even understand the parameters of what’s being forgiven. I guarantee if you engaged in a 18 month “mistake” and knocked up your AP, or had an affinity for male hookers she would rethink that blanket statement of forgiveness and reconciliation. But if you’re a decent man and wouldn’t cheat regardless than the point is moot and you can just take it at face value for a proclamation of love.

I don’t believe any spouse should act like they will tolerate acts of betrayal, lies and disrespect as a proclamation of love… I think it sets a very dangerous precedent for the relationship. But I understand the situation may have been just a light hearted conversation and you were discussing what ifs. I’m not picking at you, I’m just saying… that’s a strange thing to say to your spouse, and quite naïve.

Many marriages can withstand betrayal though. There is evidence of very rough and unhappy reconciliations everywhere. On this forum as well.

Sorry if this is a threadjack OP
 

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Discussion Starter · #32 ·
I don’t understand statements of blanket forgiveness when you don’t even understand the parameters of what’s being forgiven. I guarantee if you engaged in a 18 month “mistake” and knocked up your AP, or had an affinity for male hookers she would rethink that blanket statement of forgiveness and reconciliation. But if you’re a decent man and wouldn’t cheat regardless than the point is moot and you can just take it at face value for a proclamation of love.

I don’t believe any spouse should act like they will tolerate acts of betrayal, lies and disrespect as a proclamation of love… I think it sets a very dangerous precedent for the relationship. But I understand the situation may have been just a light hearted conversation and you were discussing what ifs. I’m not picking at you, I’m just saying… that’s a strange thing to say to your spouse, and quite naïve.

Many marriages can withstand betrayal though. There is evidence of very rough and unhappy reconciliations everywhere. On this forum as well.

Sorry if this is a threadjack OP
Agree. A blackout drunk escapade at 22 is far different than a hook up with a 35 year old coworker. I don’t buy into accidents
 

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Agree. A blackout drunk escapade at 22 is far different than a hook up with a 35 year old coworker. I don’t buy into accidents
“I accidentally penetrated your sister 756 times this year and I’m in love!” Is probably not going to fly, even with the most tolerant of wives. Some things just shouldn’t ever be reconciled.
 

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Agree. A blackout drunk escapade at 22 is far different than a hook up with a 35 year old coworker. I don’t buy into accidents
I have a problem with affairs being referred to "accidents" or "mistakes." (I'm not saying you are referring to them as such, btw, just that I have heard them described in such a way quite often.) I don't ever see them that way. A mistake is unintentional. Even IF someone is high or inebriated and does something they wouldn't do while sober, it may make a difference as far as intent, but the end result is the same. The damage is the same. The risks are the same. The trust is destroyed the same. And the putting oneself in a situation where his or her judgement is impaired is not a mistake; unless a person is drugged by someone else, the breaking down of those boundaries is entirely controllable and preventable. That part is NOT unintentional.


Sorry, just one of my pet peeves. I think people who refer to infidelity in the above terms are using that language to minimize the responsibility of the wayward spouse and/or the damage done.

(I apologize if this is also a thread jack.)
 

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I have a problem with affairs being referred to "accidents" or "mistakes." (I'm not saying you are referring to them as such, btw, just that I have heard them described in such a way quite often.) I don't even see them that way. A mistake is unintentional. Even IF someone is high or inebriated and does something they wouldn't do while sober, it may make a difference as far as intent, but the end result is the same. The damage is the same. The risks are the same. The trust is destroyed the same. And the putting oneself in a situation where his or her judgement is impaired is not a mistake; unless a person is drugged by someone else, the breaking down of those boundaries is entirely controllable and preventable.

Sorry, just one of my pet peeves. I think people who refer to infidelity in the above terms is using that language to minimize the responsibility of the wayward spouse and/or the damage done.

(I apologize if this is also a thread jack.)
But they never meant it to happen. That’s what really matters. 🤣
 

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I don’t understand statements of blanket forgiveness when you don’t even understand the parameters of what’s being forgiven. I guarantee if you engaged in a 18 month “mistake” and knocked up your AP, or had an affinity for male hookers she would rethink that blanket statement of forgiveness and reconciliation. But if you’re a decent man and wouldn’t cheat regardless than the point is moot and you can just take it at face value for a proclamation of love.

I don’t believe any spouse should act like they will tolerate acts of betrayal, lies and disrespect as a proclamation of love… I think it sets a very dangerous precedent for the relationship. But I understand the situation may have been just a light hearted conversation and you were discussing what ifs. I’m not picking at you, I’m just saying… that’s a strange thing to say to your spouse, and quite naïve.

Many marriages can withstand betrayal though. There is evidence of very rough and unhappy reconciliations everywhere. On this forum as well.

Sorry if this is a threadjack OP
Again, I believe strong marriages can withstand one time betrayal. And I am very happy my wife would forgive me if I had such one time mistake. I would feel very different about our marriage and it would affect my love for her if she told me it is over if I have any affair. Obviously affairs are different and some are easier to forgive than others.
 

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But they never meant it to happen. That’s what really matters. 🤣
Yes, as if it's the same as, "Oops, sorry, didn't see you there!" as you bump into your spouse. "Oops, sorry, I forgot I was married and had promised you sexual and emotional exclusivity!" 🤔
 

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Again, I believe strong marriages can withstand one time betrayal. And I am very happy my wife would forgive me if I had such one time mistake. I would feel very different about our marriage and it would affect my love for her if she told me it is over if I have any affair. Obviously affairs are different and some are easier to forgive than others.
So she would literally forgive you for sleeping with someone because she “loves you” that much, but if she said she couldn’t forgive you if you betray her… that’s going affect how much you love her? 🤔

Ok I won’t threadjack anymore. You do you.
 
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