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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
 

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I've never seen any difference. I know some websites are more pro reconciliation to the fire and brimstone of TAM, but never any gender qualifications of divorcing over affairs.

That said if one of the participants is causing a dead bedroom, I'm never surprised to hear their partner cheats or is a 'porn addict'. I really have no sympathy for either side in those instances.
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
Just garden variety double standard and intermediate vainglorious d*ckery.
 

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Really the only truly different advice I have seen offered between the two genders in regards to infidelity is years ago on the Dr Laura Schlesinger radio show, Dr Laura would tell people that if they know a woman’s husband was cheating her to tell her.

Yet she would tell people that knew of a woman cheating on her husband to NOT tell him.

She was called out on this disparity many times.

Her rational was that since women are typically the primary caregivers and homemakers, that she should be made aware of an affair so she can make preparations in case he was preparing to leave her and the kids for the OW.

She further rationalized it that most women will give more consideration to reconciliation and trying to keep the family together and to try to bust up the affair and keep the WH in the family home and providing for the children rather than taking off with the OW and abandoning the kids.

Her rational for NOT telling the BH of the WW’s affair is men are more prone to react violently upon finding out, in which case he could be hauled to jail, the WW would leave and he would be denied access to the children due to his violent outburst. and a BH more likely to kick a WW out thus splitting up the family and since women were more likely to be awarded custody back then, disclosing a female affair had a higher likelihood of negatively impacting the children.

Her arguments were that disclosure of a female affair had a much higher likelihood of a negative impact to the children than disclosure of a male affair.

I need to make clear I DISAGREE with that rational myself and think men and women are both equally entitled to be made aware of the state of their marriage.

I am just saying that is the only time I have ever heard a clear and significant double standard in how the two genders are dealt with in an affair.
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
Are more women seemingly tolerant of it? My gut seems to tell me that's the case, but that's a personal thing with the particular individual, rather than any type of double standard....I have also heard of cases where women seem to think its forgivable for a guy that was using another woman for sex, as "he knows who his real woman is and you were only a cheap lay"....

Guys don't generally do this....But I would imagine that some do....I have read many stories on here where a guy is willing to accept that his wife stepped out...and willing to forgive...

Some cultures even in this day, seem to look the other way when a guy is banging someone else....I don't know why it is, but it is...Seen that as well....Again, rather than some conspiracy against women,, its just one of those things...

All that said, this society in general(IME) is much more sympathetic towards women when it comes to this stuff...When its a guy "he's a dog or a pig" when it's a woman "she was neglected and emotionally abandoned".....I have known more than one guy who after being turned away by their wives sexually for eons, when they finally cheat or leave, they were written off by all their friends and even some family...

It takes all types and people are often very variable....What YOU do with your life, and what YOU are willing to tolerate is all that matters in the end...
 

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Topic came up a few years ago here. I told my wife that it would be difficult but I‘d work hard on forgiving her and try to keep us together. Like the song, we are “only human.” She said she’s not sure she could forgive me. interesting. (28 yrs married)
 

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In some ways there are no differences. Both are extremely harmful and there are exceptions on both sides so it’s hard to make a general rule. There does seem to be two big differences.

Women's cheating seems to be more dangerous (not that mens is not dangerous) for 2 reasons.

women seem to have a harder time letting go of the affair partner as well as dealing with the consequences of their actions.

tell a cheating man he can no longer have female friends and generally he does not care as much. That is one example. Or that his phone needs to be open. Oh well you look at my dumb YouTube videos, taking about sports and video games with his friends, and some porn. Not the end of the world. Women don’t want men to see their every thought when they are talking to friends and family.

The other difference cheating women tend to leave their husbands more than cheating men leave their wives. You can see it in all the stories here and other places. Also it’s in a lot of the mainstream books as well as the opinions of the main stream counselors.

in ester perel “state of affairs” she does not say it explicitly but when she gives 2 examples of marriages that stayed together after infidelity it’s 2 cheating husbands. When she uses an example of a divorced marriages, she uses 1 and it’s a cheating wife.

also the women really seem to have a hard time letting go and continuing contact with the AP. As well as seem to have a hard time with the grieving process with pisses the husband off even more making reconciliation so much harder.

could be wrong but that seems to be a pattern.
 

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Are more women seemingly tolerant of it? My gut seems to tell me that's the case, but that's a personal thing with the particular individual, rather than any type of double standard....I have also heard of cases where women seem to think its forgivable for a guy that was using another woman for sex, as "he knows who his real woman is and you were only a cheap lay"....

Guys don't generally do this....But I would imagine that some do....I have read many stories on here where a guy is willing to accept that his wife stepped out...and willing to forgive...

Some cultures even in this day, seem to look the other way when a guy is banging someone else....I don't know why it is, but it is...Seen that as well....Again, rather than some conspiracy against women,, its just one of those things...

All that said, this society in general(IME) is much more sympathetic towards women when it comes to this stuff...When its a guy "he's a dog or a pig" when it's a woman "she was neglected and emotionally abandoned".....I have known more than one guy who after being turned away by their wives sexually for eons, when they finally cheat or leave, they were written off by all their friends and even some family...

It takes all types and people are often very variable....What YOU do with your life, and what YOU are willing to tolerate is all that matters in the end...
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True. And when a guy gets cheated on and stays, he becomes a cuckold. A woman has no such label.

And when a WW cheats there is a whole basket of non flattering terms thrown that at her that men mostly escape.

There are double standards to cheating as many other things, but this place seems mostly egalitarian in its treatment. Men mostly help men who get cheated on and women help women. Because honestly it's different for each sex in how they internalize it. With BWs its more the emotional aspect. With BHs its always the physical aspect.
 

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well I think a woman comes on and makes a post saying she needs advices ,
the second post she tells us she had an affair often we act as if he was neglecting her and she had every right ,
a man makes a post saying he was in a sex less marriage we tell him to be more romantic
and a guy posts his wife is talking to other men we say , man up be an alpha man the alpha man gets wheeled out often , like a fix all
and not to talk about the guys we call cuckold without knowing anything about them , just a few of our tool bag responses
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
I post here infrequently and so I'm not a regular or really connected to anyone here. Maybe that makes me objective?

I think you have a case, but you're overstating it. I don't see much excuse making for men who cheat. When it happens there's pretty strong push back. I do agree that women who cheat are especially pilloried, mostly by men but sometimes by women.
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
Not really. My advice is always the same. Not gender specific.
 

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I’ve read men here ask the betrayed woman if they gained weight, are too vanilla, dress up. Many instances of that advice
Of course women are asked if they’ve gained excessive weight, continually refused sex with their husband, lost attraction for their husband and acting accordingly, etc.
Because that is relevant information as to the environment that the cheating occurred in.
It’s not an excuse, not a justification for their H cheating, but it’s relevant context as to the state of the marital dynamics that the cheating occurred in.

Just like men are often asked if they have allowed themselves to become out of shape, passive, boring and unattractive. Men are often asked about the power/leadership dynamic in their marriage.
Again, not that it justifies there W cheating but it’s important context that’s relevant to the environment and dynamics in their current marriage, and will be relevant to future relationships if/when they divorce and move on. And also relevant if they choose to try to reconcile.
 

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I’ve read so many men recommend that the husband bail when wife cheats. However, that advice isn’t given when the man cheats . People tell the woman to “ porn it up”, lose weight, pay attention to husband rather than the kids. I call bs. Why is it end game if woman cheats but normal for a guy? Personally? Cheat once or get caught trying and I’m gone. No discussion . Game over.
Well that's just bad advice and not typical here for both men and women. When it does happen, I think this comes from an older way of thinking that is still stuck on the idea Women need men for financial security, which really isn't a factor anymore. This old fashion thinking really doesn't fit a lot of the dynamics of a typical relationships today.

Still given that women often end up as the children's primary caretaker by default, they do have more to risk. Not saying it's right but it is a fact.

Also having read these sites for years now, I have grown to believe women are more practical when it comes to romantic relationships. Men tend to be more extreme. Lot's of men particularly inexperienced ones tend to see their partners like angels, other worldly creatures that are irreplaceable. I think it's a rare women that is into her man that much. Maybe it's because most women have a lot more options open to them, particularly if they are attractive. They are the pursued.

The consequence of this though seems to be men who get extremely almost catatonic when they are cheated on. Guys who severely overate their cheating spouses value. Where as women seem a lot stronger. So I think some of the "hard sell" so to speak is because of these men's inaction, and delusion. It's even possible people are willing to be a lot harsher with their advice when it's to a man as opposed to a women.
 
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