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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I just recently started seeing someone that i have known for 5 years now. She was recently in a 3 year relationship about 4 months ago.

She has told me that she plans to hang out with her ex of 3 years tonite, when she told me it bothered me a little.

She had asked me if it was ok the first time to meet for coffee, and i said ok i trust you.. now 2 weeks later she plans to see him for the 2nd time and go to his house alone.

She thinks that because it bothers me i must not trust her.

I feel like i do trust her, but yet it still bothers me.

Should it not bother me? I feel like its sorta disrespectful.

Any advice?
 

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Mickal,
Talk to her and find out if she still has any feelings for her ex and go from there.
Just be honest with her and let her know how you feel without making her think you don't trust her.
--N
 

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I completely agree with Nerka. Do you know her feelings for her ex and why they broke up? Do you feel like something could happen?

Personally I wouldn't feel very comfortable with the situation. I would find it a little disrespectful as well, but see what she says.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I guess thats a good idea, i never really asked if she still had feelings for him.

I guess i just assumed she had to have some, i mean 3 years could take some time to get over things a bit.

I guess i will ask her, but if she does then what?

You say "Go from there" go from where? heh
 

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I think the advice go from there is sound. You have to know where you stand before the second or third questions are asked.

To me it sounds like she has feelings for him, why else would she go to his house (unless to get her stuff) then again why be alone in his house?

I wouldn't put to much into this relationship while she rebounds with you and searches to see if things with him changed. It might be nothing but if you where dating girls how would she feel?

draconis
 

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You say "Go from there" go from where? heh
Well, if she says she has feelings for her ex, "I don't know" or "Don't you trust me?! I can't believe you don't trust me!" then you have to figure out if you're willing to be a third wheel in this relationship.

If she says she doesn't have feelings for him, then it is up to you whether or not you believe her. Ask yourself if you are okay with her meeting him alone so early in your relationship. If it isn't something you can take without checking the phone for her call, wanting to drive by and see what they're doing or laying up awake wondering if she's cheated on you...perhaps it is time for you to date someone that makes you feel a little more secure in your relationship.

We always tell women to go with their intuition about men. Go with your gut. If something feels wrong and she's not respecting your opinion, I think there's a real problem there.
 

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I say the same as everyone else. Find out if she still has feelings for him first. Do they have children together?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Well she says she still cares about him...

She did go over to his house, for about 4 hrs..
and i asked her if everything is cool, she said yes..

Today, she went there again and i talked to her while she was there.. the manner in which she spoke to me was different.
almost formal.

I just dont understand why she continues to go there when it she knows it upsets me.

I dont know what to do...
 

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Mickal, give her time to figure out what is it she wants. Trust me I know it’s hard but you have to let her go. She has been with the guy for a while and no matter what she cares about him and there is no closure between them.
They need the time to figure out what is going on and if things will pick up where they stopped.
 

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Ouch. She still cares about him and can't have a normal conversation with you on the phone when she's with him.

I think she's given you your answer. She still has feelings and is going to continue to see him. You've got to let her go or she will end up hurting you.

Give her some space and time to figure all this out. Meanwhile you need to get your focus elsewhere. Don't put pressure on her by waiting in the wings and making her decision your world.
 

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The best way for you is to let her go. If she still has feelings for him it will only hurt you if you will try to keep her with you. Just let her go, that's the best option for both of you. Don't make yourself suffer.
 

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If she told you she still cares for him, that is a huge red flag. Also, if you noticed a change in her voice and things that she said to you while she was there, that is another flag. Why are you still with her?
 

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Personally, I feel there is no good reason to be spending time with an ex, unless there are children involved. It causes feelings of distrust and lack of respect (exactly what you're feeling). There's a reason they're the ex and you're the present.
 

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I just recently started seeing someone that i have known for 5 years now. She was recently in a 3 year relationship about 4 months ago.

She has told me that she plans to hang out with her ex of 3 years tonite, when she told me it bothered me a little.

She had asked me if it was ok the first time to meet for coffee, and i said ok i trust you.. now 2 weeks later she plans to see him for the 2nd time and go to his house alone.

She thinks that because it bothers me i must not trust her.

I feel like i do trust her, but yet it still bothers me.

Should it not bother me? I feel like its sorta disrespectful.

Any advice?
You really need to share your feelings. Telling her that it's not about trust but that you feel it is disrespectful clarifies things beautifully. This will give her the opportunity to evaluate her feelings and priorities
 
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