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I'm sure everyone has heard this before, but i'm new and just trying to get some insight on things. Me and my wife have been with eachother for about 10 years now (started dating in high school), and married for at least five. We have been off and on, breaking up several times. The first time, she moved away for probably half a year and saw other men. She eventually came back. We had more problems and she ended up seeing another man while we were married. We eventually patched things up (so I thought). Here recently, she broke up again to see one of my old coworkers. Things went sour with that and she ended up coming back to me again. Right after she came back, she also had relations with another man, although this time just physical behind my back. I at least knew about the other men. This one I found out about by seeing messages between them including directions to his house and what to where etc... I probably shouldn't have snooped around her messages, but I knew something wasn't right. I just recently found out that my old coworker and her have been talking again, again by snooping. She now can't decide between me or the other man. I would have probably have been finished with this a long time ago, except we have two children involved also. I still love her, and would probably still be able to be friends if things didn't work out between us. I just can't stand the thought of not being able to see my children 100% of the time. All i want is to be a happy family... together. I know i was wrong by going through her stuff, but she has me so paranoid. I felt that if I looked and there was nothing to be seen, then I would feel more at peace with things; but it seems I always find something I don't like. I do not want to end things with her, even though that is the advice i've gotten so far. I just don't know what to do?!? I think part of the problem is we started dating real early, but we haven't really been able to do things with other people. We were both virgins whenever we met, and neither (except for her episodes above) of us have really dated anyone else. I'm perfectly happy with what I have, but apparently she isn't. It's killing me from the inside out. What do I do?
 

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Wow, you are patient! You are married to a cheater, so you had every right to snoop through her things. Your wife sounds unstable to me. Have the two of you considered counseling? Since you really want to work things out, I think counseling may be your best option. However, her actions seem to indicate her marriage is not a priority. You will probably have to go the ultimatum route--and let her know you aren't going to live like this. Right now she thinks she can do what ever she wants and you'll always be there for her.

Good luck!
 

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Your children will BENEFIT from seeing you leave her and live a life of integrity.

They will KNOW she cheats and they will LEARN by your acceptance that it is what THEY should do.

If you won't leave for yourself, leave for them.
 
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