[Ladymae]

My husband and I have been together for 18 years. We have both been married previously and he had 3 children, all who ended up living with us and I raised them. We had 2 together. As with any marriage we have had our fair share of bad fortune but I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve just overlooked too many problems.
We often hang out with a cousin of his ex. She is actually widowed and is dating someone in my family. They always have “stories” together etc and they pretend to know each other more than he and I do….they weren’t even married 3 years. 🙄 We were all out swimming together, and of course we were all having some drinks. My husband is a very joking kind of person, loud and honestly pretty funny. (Center of attention kind of person) he made a comment about her “large” boobs and a sarcastic comment about him playing with them. YET, He had no idea why I was completely quiet the rest of the night.
Not to mention, he often makes comments about me being “big”. I am 5’2, 135 and a 32 DD. I am larger than I have ever been so yes it bothers me but I feel like there is more going on here than my self esteem.
Tell me what you think or how you would handle this situation. I’m not the confrontational type and don’t deal with these types of things in public. Wait and watch, talk about it, any advice is appreciated…

 

[Diceplayer]

YET, He had no idea why I was completely quiet the rest of the night.

He has no idea because you didn't tell him. Personally, I hate it when my wife believes that "I should just know." Tell him that his comments offended and hurt you. Air it out with him, otherwise this will fester into something bigger. And BTW, I think he owes you an apology.

 

[D0nnivain]

You need to tell him about the things that upset you. Stewing about it quietly & expecting him to read your mind just makes it worse.

 

[mindyb]

His behavior is passive-aggressive with all those comments about you being 'big'. Tell him that it upsets you.

 

[Lostinthought61]

Hate to break the news to you but we men are idiots and also clueless, most time words come out of our mouth without filters, and then it is out there without an explanation or apology...some men are worse than others, but we also aren't mind readers, so while you have every right to be upset for his offensive comments i would sit him down and tell him what he said that offended you, i can't guarantee he will remember this for next time but i suspect that he has a history of him shooting off his mouth with first thinking about it. Perhaps pointing our one of his flaws and asking how would he feel if you just dropped that in mix company.

 

[ThatDarnGuy!]

Hate to break the news to you but we men are idiots and also clueless, most time words come out of our mouth without filters, and then it is out there without an explanation or apology...some men are worse than others, but we also aren't mind readers, so while you have every right to be upset for his offensive comments i would sit him down and tell him what he said that offended you, i can't guarantee he will remember this for next time but i suspect that he has a history of him shooting off his mouth with first thinking about it. Perhaps pointing our one of his flaws and asking how would he feel if you just dropped that in mix company.

I hear this stereotype comment all the time that men are mostly just clueless and dull beings who beat their chest and yell woman! wherever they go 😂.

It's not that men are dumb and clueless. We just aren't as vocal and don't get as easily offended. Women will see a guy staring at boobs and really overthink it going omg, am I not good enough? Is he thinking of leaving, is he cheating, etc etc etc.

 

[Andy1001]

I don’t speak Hintese, neither does your husband.
Tell him why you are upset.

 

[Cooper]

A married man has no business commenting on a woman's breast and teasing about playing with them, and that doesn't matter if his wife is there or not. Any decent man knows that, any loving man doesn't want to hurt his wife's feelings.

OP you damn well need to let him know how hurt and offended you were, and how inappropriate his comments were. He owes you an apology.

 

[Ladymae]

He has no idea because you didn't tell him. Personally, I hate it when my wife believes that "I should just know." Tell him that his comments offended and hurt you. Air it out with him, otherwise this will fester into something bigger. And BTW, I think he owes you an apology.

Thank you.

I hear this stereotype comment all the time that men are mostly just clueless and dull beings who beat their chest and yell woman! wherever they go 😂.

It's not that men are dumb and clueless. We just aren't as vocal and don't get as easily offended. Women will see a guy staring at boobs and really overthink it going omg, am I not good enough? Is he thinking of leaving, is he cheating, etc etc etc.

I’m not usually easily offended. There will always be people to catch one’s attention for some reason or another, but the entire part of cacalizonf it and saying what he “would do” is what really pissed me off. From a man’s point of view, would it not irritate you for another man to say that about your wife or for your wife to say something of that nature about another man. Honestly, Just curious?

 

[LeGenDary_Man]

Your husband's attempt-at-a-joke about another woman's boobs and his urge to fondle them was absolutely inappropriate in my view.

This was a family gathering event? How did she receive your husband's statement?

I shall admit (as a man) that big breasts can draw attention of men - very strong sexual appeal to them.

My wife have big breasts (not easy to conceal through clothing). But if another man talks about her breasts like that in my presence, I would loose my cool and have a "conversation" with him. This is me.

 

[ThatDarnGuy!]

Thank you.

I’m not usually easily offended. There will always be people to catch one’s attention for some reason or another, but the entire part of cacalizonf it and saying what he “would do” is what really pissed me off. From a man’s point of view, would it not irritate you for another man to say that about your wife or for your wife to say something of that nature about another man. Honestly, Just curious?

I fully get what you are saying. And you are right that there will always be someone who catches your attention even if it's a glance. But what is important is whether or not a person tries to or takes it to another step.

I know everyone is different. But if a guy said something like wow your wife is smoking hot. I would just smile and say yes she is 😁. But if they just kept on and started making sexual comments, then I would have a problem..... We have been together for many years. We are brutal when talking to each other in a fun and joking way. I have caught her taking a peek at a shirtless guy on the beach and say what ya looking at wifey. And she has replied, rock hard abs ya lard ass 😂. Or I have seen a woman who has enormous milk cannons and a shirt that is very revealing. She has lightly popped me on the head and said, you craving some milk 😂

 

[ah_sorandy]

Men are pigs, even more so when they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Your hubby crossed the line with his boob and fondle joke with his ex's cousin. Sure, I might think it, but my gosh to say it out loud, nope, not going to do it and upset my woman.

I sure the hell would not need to look at any other woman's boobs with the beauties you have. You're height, weight, and ample breast size are perfect.

Again, I also think you should speak to hubby without making it into a huge matter so he knows how you were hurt by his actions.

 

[Ladymae]

Your husband's attempt-at-a-joke about another woman's boobs and his urge to fondle them was absolutely inappropriate in my view.

This was a family gathering event? How did she receive your husband's statement?

I shall admit (as a man) that big breasts can draw attention of men - very strong sexual appeal to them.

My wife have big breasts (not easy to conceal through clothing). But if another man talks about her breasts like that in my presence, I would loose my cool and have a "conversation" with him. This is me.

She didn’t do or say much at all. I honestly don’t remember if she said anything. 🤦🏼‍♀️

 

[Ladymae]

Men are pigs, even more so when they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Your hubby crossed the line with his boob and fondle joke with his ex's cousin. Sure, I might think it, but my gosh to say it out loud, nope, not going to do it and upset my woman.

I sure the hell would not need to look at any other woman's boobs with the beauties you have. You're height, weight, and ample breast size are perfect.

Again, I also think you should speak to hubby without making it into a huge matter so he knows how you were hurt by his actions.

Men are pigs, even more so when they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Your hubby crossed the line with his boob and fondle joke with his ex's cousin. Sure, I might think it, but my gosh to say it out loud, nope, not going to do it and upset my woman.

I sure the hell would not need to look at any other woman's boobs with the beauties you have. You're height, weight, and ample breast size are perfect.

Again, I also think you should speak to hubby without making it into a huge matter so he knows how you were hurt by his actions.

Thank you for your kind words and advice.

 

[ah_sorandy]

She didn’t do or say much at all. I honestly don’t remember if she said anything. 🤦🏼‍♀️

She was likely shocked by him saying it in front of you. Maybe she was upset and appalled but did not overreact to it.

 

[LeGenDary_Man]

She didn’t do or say much at all. I honestly don’t remember if she said anything. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Understandable. She might be surprised at minimum, but decided not to confront your husband this time.

You should talk to your husband and let him know in polite (but firm) terms that you do not have a problem with his jokes but you felt that a line was crossed when he talked about another woman like that in a gathering. That you felt uncomfortable (and hurt). And what if she (or somebody) decides to confront him for this kind of joke in a gathering next time? He should not expose himself to potential embarassment and conflict.

Your feelings should matter to your husband in the end. He will apologize to you hopefully.