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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How did you learn what to do when you never did it before? I am not trying to be gross or creepy by asking this and I am not asking for step by step instructions. My wife has asked me to try it and I was a little intimidated and maybe said it was something that seems gross to me. I realize that was wrong of me to say but I do also feel intimidated by it.

Again I am not looking for detailed personal stories or anything inappropriate just some appropriate advice and wisdom from anyone who thinks they can help.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Also, please feel free to private message me as this is a little intimidating for me to post on a public forum.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I have googled and I know it sounds silly but I just never find some of that stuff helpful. Like yeah I understand the basic idea. I guess what I am asking is is it normal to be confused by it and maybe a little intimidated? I’m not trying to be a jerk and I know I hurt my wife’s feelings but am I the only one who is slightly a little confused by it or all men super into it and I’m an outlier.
 

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How did you learn what to do when you never did it before? I am not trying to be gross or creepy by asking this and I am not asking for step by step instructions. My wife has asked me to try it and I was a little intimidated and maybe said it was something that seems gross to me. I realize that was wrong of me to say but I do also feel intimidated by it.

Again I am not looking for detailed personal stories or anything inappropriate just some appropriate advice and wisdom from anyone who thinks they can help.
Book "She Cums First". Practice practice practice. Your wife will direct you. Absolutely nothing "Gross" about it, there are wives think that way or think their husbands feel that way and forgo an enjoyable part of married life.
 

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You can only truly learn by doing, and adjusting with feedback. Now, if you have an aversion to doing it, then it will be hard to become good; first, try to change your mindset on this. It's not rocket science, and it's not magic - but could be magic for her!
 

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I have googled and I know it sounds silly but I just never find some of that stuff helpful. Like yeah I understand the basic idea. I guess what I am asking is is it normal to be confused by it and maybe a little intimidated? I’m not trying to be a jerk and I know I hurt my wife’s feelings but am I the only one who is slightly a little confused by it or all men super into it and I’m an outlier.
Most have familiarity by about age 18. But never too late to learn "new" tricks. You need to apologize to your wife for reacting the way you did.
 

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Most have familiarity by about age 18. But never too late to learn "new" tricks. You need to apologize to your wife for reacting the way you did.
Incorporating this into your intimate routine will realy enhance your relationship, you will get way more than you give. Not sure how long you have been married, but another (old) book you should read with your wife is "Joy of Sex". Fireworks!
 

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All women are different, so these will be generalizations.

I assume you've seen it in porn, don't do that. She Comes First is a good read but his technique is not a checklist to her bliss. At first less is more. Pay attention to non verbal clues.

My wife was not a fan for many years, it was ok as the PiV was great. Later in life, when PIV became less reliable, the expanded repertoire became invaluable.
 

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I have googled and I know it sounds silly but I just never find some of that stuff helpful. Like yeah I understand the basic idea. I guess what I am asking is is it normal to be confused by it and maybe a little intimidated? I’m not trying to be a jerk and I know I hurt my wife’s feelings but am I the only one who is slightly a little confused by it or all men super into it and I’m an outlier.
Do your saying you don’t like doing it?
 

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A comedian (I forget who) had a bit in his routine talking about it. He got advice that if he was lost on what to do down there, just start spelling the alphabet with your tongue. His girlfriend would moan "oh, you're amazing" and all he thought was "I'm just down here singing a, b, c, d, e, f, g....."
 

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The animalistic tendency in me drove me to do it. I did it because I wanted to. Don't worry, you'll know if she is enjoying it. If not, she'll let you know and guide you to the moves and touch she enjoy. Just keep the line of communication between the two of you open.
 

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Not for anything, but being the parent of an autistic young adult, I take almost no multi-faceted act for granted. To most folks I imagine this act seems extraordinarily straightforward. As I imagine you aren't the only one with questions, here is some low hanging considerations:
Executive Function - "a set of cognitive processes and mental skills that help an individual plan, monitor, and successfully execute their goals."

The goal is to give your wife or partner an orgasm by utilizing your bucchal cavity and glossus muscles.

Monitoring your own biofeedback in terms of what you are doing and how you are doing it. Being able to measure her biofeedback in response to what you are doing, and most importantly, having a game plan. Communicating with one another in detail before, during and after. Do you know your way around her infield? Know where she is sensitive and you go slow, versus where you exert pressure and speed? Etc.

There is a lot to be said for 'practice makes perfect', but presuming the only one you are practicing with is your wife, and she isn't thrilled with the skill set you already possess, or is concerned about where you are at mentally with the act; that can certainly impact her desire to practice.


In my sexual experience, the best way you can use your tongue on your partner is to do so in the formation of words, discussing desires, goals and outcomes, before anyone goes yodeling in the canyon.
 

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I read Joy of Sex and there was an article or two in my dad's Playboy collection that I read. I was able to identify where the clitoris was but it took practice to keep my teeth covered and direction to know how hard, how fast, and how much suction to use.

If you're enthusiastic and receptive to direction, you'll be fine. Even as imperfect as my technique was my first time she had an orgasm (your mileage may vary though, as much because of you as for her).
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
My wife has some body image issues so I know it was a big step for her to ask. I admit some of my reaction is due to not knowing what to do but also concerns over bodily fluids.
 
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