I'm only hung up on the fact that she wants about a 1million dollar settlement which is about 50pct more than any reasonable calculation based on the state law and that she wants to be paid for 11 yrs. I'd sign a 600k settlement today, for 8yrs, which is more inline with the state calculations. That's not enough apparently....I want this over but I'm not spending a million dollars on her.
Actually what I said was that me spending time sharing my emotions with another woman was totally wrong and that I never want to do that again. I was weak I didn't want to face my fears with my relationship which is why I didn't talk to her about it directly. I didn't want to risk the rejection and losing her. So it was easier to take a weaker path with leaning emotionally on another woman. That's actually closer to what I told her.. which is why I began my own personal therapy in 2015 so I didn't go down a road like that ever again. It's completely wrong I only did it because I was weak person at the time. II never blamed her for that and I took the blame for multiple times in therapy. That was my fault I did that and no one else's.
I understand, we are all human and make mistakes that is so very true and you were man enough to see that and do something about it.
However, my point is that some mistakes cannot be undone, it is like hammering nails into a lovely old teak chair, then you end up removing them, realizing you hammered them into the wrong place. You may remove them, do it right the second time but the nail marks are still there. Sometimes there is just no going back, so you have to move forward to try and reach a settlement that is agreeable to both of you. There is really no point in doing a postmortem on your already gone marriage. Why waste your energy on that?
Well....things here are seemingly getting more nonsense. I voluntarily paid a $7500 retainer in June for a lawyer for her. In hope that we could then all come to a separation agreement, since she would have some representation to help guide her.
Without details...I'll say that has slid radically offtrack from nearly day 1.
I've also asked her many times, that I've learned a few things I could have improved on...for me I think it's mostly fine tuning? So I've asked her, is there anything that she recognizes from her viewpoint that she contributed to this situation. Anything that she is reflecting on and she could have done better at.
No reply to any of these questions and I've asked many times.
I had a preliminary Skype conference last week judge, no changes in any of the situation... Maintain status quo. Status quo is that I pay for everything so that's no news to me.
I guess there's lots to do legally over the next 90 days before we all meet again.
I wrote her a proposal in march 2020, essentially saying that I would pay for every single Bill she had for the next 2 years.. And I would continue to pay her $2,500 a month for 8 years. And I would pay for all of the kids expenses in the meantime. Essentially she would have zero bills for 2 years while getting paid $2,500 a month. If you got a full-time job during that time, I would still pay the $2,500 a month to help build her retirement account. I also offer to split 50% of all the current assets with her and give her 70% of my retirement account.
That proposal went nowhere. I tried for months, I paid for an attorney for her hoping that we could get to a fair and reasonable conclusion.
I'm now spent 78,000 on legal fees, including her attorney my attorney and two business evaluators to determine the value of my business. Mind you my business is just me.
I've offered to give her a hundred percent of my retirement account. I offered her $640,000 in August of 2020. I filed for divorce shortly thereafter when she turned down that offer.
She's essentially seeking $70,000 a year in alimony for 13 years. No child support, but she wants me to pay 80% of all of the child expenses anyway. Including horse riding and college. Mind you I've saved up almost $200,000 for college already. And she wants 50% split now of all the assets.
The alimony and the duration is well beyond the state calculations. that's where I came up with my numbers of 2,500 a month.
So this whole, dead bedroom thing and breaking up with your spouse - I suppose it's worth it, Im not sure how any of the stuff gets resolved and it's amazingly frustrating.
She can make $100,000 a year as a physical therapist. I wanted her to do that so I could stop doing what I was doing and take a position that was so much less stress. That never occurred and now she wants the beyond calculated possible dollar values for the beyond maximum time.
What a freaking circus. We have a compliance conference/settlement conference this friday. Then we see I guess if we can do an alternative dispute resolution process or go to trial.
something to be said about there's no need for a man to be married anymore..... Or that statement which is something to the effect of 'you don't know your spouse until you divorce them'
Disappearing or suicide were my option a and b ideas. I've chosen option C which is divorce....proving to be much harder.... unbelievable
Don’t agree to anything beyond what the state mandates. Period. I hope you pulled all previous offers off the table. This is insanity. I’m sorry you are still dealing with this.
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