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worried

I cannot wait for you to hit the anger stage.

Because you should be pissed off at her.

Not only is she cheating on you but she is acting like you are stupid, dumb totally clueless.

get the evidence.

Then print it out and hand it to your inlaws.

You should also hand your wife divorce papers.

Just maybe that will wake her up. If not you are on your way to a new life.

Show her consequences.

Have you spoken to a lawyer?
 

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Discussion Starter #82
From start to finish, you will not relent to crying, laughing, hugging, kissing and do not let her engage you with make up sex. You will also start to experience something called hysterical bonding where your sex drive for her will skyrocket to epic proportions. As a fellow man I wish to tell you this can be your undoing as you will lose focus and sight of the situation.

YES. If wife buckles, (slim chance while she believes there is another lilypad waiting in the wings), but if she does buckle under your ultimatum...then stay with 180...no hysterical bonding!! No amount of crazy sex or trips to Tuscany together will wipe the slate clean...no...underneath you is a bubbling volcano of rage that you have not yet begun to experience.

It is also unrealistic to assume that wife won't "miss" OM, no she will go through withdrawal and depression...and reach such a low point that they cannot feel anything except pain and loneliness. Many people, even after they give up on the affair, they still feel hopeless that things will change at home and still insist on divorce. This is why you stick with 180...pay attention to your areas of responsibility and don't do any emotional work for your wife. She has to deal with her own hell and consequences.

Right now, it's all fun n' games, as she is having her little feelgood fling without consequences....and in her foggy foolishness...she has climbed to a certain height in her pride and conceit. She is caught in the disease of selfishness, yet is in denial about it...and will continue in this path until her decision really start to affect her so negatively that she can't ignore.

Do you know anything about the OM??
Yeah he is a 30 yr old who still lives at home with his mum, he does approx 16hrs work a week behind the bar where the wife does a couple of shifts. He has hardly any friends and nothing about him, hell me and the wife have laughed and joked about him in the past. She used to work there a couple of years ago more often but now it can be 1 maybe 2 shifts a month and not always with him.
I think the EA with him may have been going on for maybe 3 months, prior to this she never really had any contact with him.

I didn't sleep at all last after just seeing that little bit of her whatsapp.

Like you say it's time for action.
 

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Discussion Starter #83
worried

I cannot wait for you to hit the anger stage.

Because you should be pissed off at her.

Not only is she cheating on you but she is acting like you are stupid, dumb totally clueless.

get the evidence.

Then print it out and hand it to your inlaws.

You should also hand your wife divorce papers.

Just maybe that will wake her up. If not you are on your way to a new life.

Show her consequences.

Have you spoken to a lawyer?
I haven't spoken to a lawyer/solicitor as yet, my sister also says I need to.
I need to get this evidence from her whatsapp 1st then I can start with my demands.

As for my anger kicking in. I don't wanna get angry with her & I don't know if i could control myself when I see him, kicking off with him I will be the bad guy and he would get more sympathy.

I want to have someone else approach him and tell him what he is doing and back the hell off.
 

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Discussion Starter #84
Fone lab download in progress my plan to get her iCloud log in worked, I handed laptop to her so she could enter her own details & the keylogger did its job. .
2.7gb to, I'm shaking like mad as it downloads.

Just need to get her Facebook once she logs in on laptop but that could be a couple of days.
 

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Discussion Starter #85
Well that's the download done but no whatsapp data.
I take it she will need to have the back up function on, this must be off as default I guess. Damn it
 

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DO NOT LET HER KNOW THAT. If you do she will carry on secure in the fact that if anything happens with the OM she can run home and be forgiven in an instant. In her mind that is incentive for her to continue NOT quit.
:iagree:

It's called rugsweeping. Cheating with no consequences. Expose to family and friends. That will help stop her. Exposure shines light on her activities. She hates the truth of light. All c0ckroaches hate light shined on them. Shock value. And helpful in shaming her with actual consequences. Helps break her from her fog. You'll gain their support and she'll know the game's up. Hopefully...

You cannot "nice" her back. Read MMSLP several times. 180 and go work out. Get buff.

Cheaterville.com can help.
 

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Hang in there Worried. This is a process and it sucks bigtime but sadly you are not alone in this. Many others have preceded you down this dark road. Try, as best you can, to detach and focus on you and the boys. You are their rock in all of this. Mom is trying to nuke the family and you are the stabilizing force in their world, even though they don't know it.

Look, it will play out however it will and all your worry will only add pain and suffering to you. Plan, prepare and execute as calmly and rationally as possible. You have the objective of saving the family and she, destroying it, so do all you can but know that in the end, a lot of this is simply beyond your control.

You can work, BEHIND THE SCENES, on becoming a better H and being more attentive so that if she does come around your marriage will be stronger and if she doesn't, you can carry that over to your next relationship with someone who will appreciate it much more.

Once you get sufficient intel and expose, your family and her's may be able to help in your efforts to wake her up. However, any verbiage from you will only be taken by her as controlling and overbearing.

Also, you want to act as swiftly as is cautiously practical to prevent it from going physical, if it has not already. If it has not gone physical, you may have leverage with D because the fear of D may be keeping it non physical and that same fear may help open her eyes when faced with the reality of it. I hope so. Good luck sir.

16 hours a week tending bar and lives with Mom at 30....incredible.
 

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My two cents on confronting the OM. Didn't respond last night.

Whether you or a friend confront him, he will be all apologetic and swear up and down you got it all wrong and they are just friends and sure he will back off.

Then he will text your wife, they will have a good laugh at your expense (remember you are a miserable sh!t lol!!'). And then their relationship will be taken further underground.

So... Don't bother with him. You need to work on your wife. Expose to friends and family when you feel you are ready and file for divorce. (again I think you have enough based on what you found last night).
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If I confront her would she crack/ breakdown & beg for forgiveness??
Have you spent ANY time reading other threads?

Have fun with your spy-fest. I'll check in this time next year to see how it's going. But before I bow out, one little reminder of what this is all about:

About 3 weeks ago my wife told me she doesn't love me anymore & doesn't know if she still wants to be with me.
Good luck to you.
 

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Worried79,

You have your smoking gun, there is no need to look for the bullet casings. What you need to be doing is preparing to counter-attack this with everything you got. You know whats happening, and the abrasive feeling on your face is her wiping her feet on you........ Enough.
 

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Wooried..

Sorry you're going through this man.

I have been lurking this forum for 1,5 years now, but needed to make an account to inform you of this as nobody seem to suggest it.

The drfone program you've purchased(?) will let you get the whattsap conversations if you connect her phone to your computer and run a scan. You need the charger lead for this to connect.

You will obviously need her phone for that, and depending on how much **** she got on it, can take anything from 15 mins to 1,5 hours completing and saving a scan result.

Night time is probably your best bet to get an uninterrupted search done, but if she were to find out underway, just tell her she can have her phone back once you're finished with it, without letting her in on exactly what you're doing. Tell her you are suspicious of her activities, and demand to look at her phone for a little while, but get that search done no matter what!

After info is gathered, let it all sink in, and make a plan on confronting, but DO NOT show her the evidence you now have stored on your PC. Write snippets of the conversations down on a paper if you must, or simply grab her phone and show her there if you find it. You've got nothing to be diligent about so be demanding and tell her to listen up and listen up good, or tell her to read my username.

Take care
 

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Discussion Starter #97 (Edited)
Hi mate.
Cheers for the input.
Would this work even if the back up function isn't set up on her phone?

Also the main deal is getting her phone, even through the night it's setup so she would notice it's been touched but also she's a light sleeper.
I should man up and just do it but it's not that simple to me.

Hoping the keylogger I have will get me the facebook details today so I can get in there without locking her out & raising her suspicions of my paranoia.

As for confronting, I have no plans do that as yet until I have more info from facebook, whatsapp, VAR & the apple tile app I've ordered.

All my findings will be backed & stored at work as well as home.

Thanks again,
 

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Hi Matt

Yes, this should work nonetheless I believe. The program will extract whatever's stored in the phone. If it doesn't (which I have no reason to believe..) you've already seen bits and bobs and can use that together with timing of messaging and holes in the convo to determine whether you've got it all or not.

I know this is really hard to do, and no-one knows her routines better than you so it's impossibe to help you get this done in stealth mode, but try to take the ole 007 thing seriously, lay down a plan and execute, the sooner the better. Remember, the longer this goes unresolved the more you will suffer mentally, and physicly through sleep deprivation.

When I had to do this at the beginning of the process, I was incredibly nervous and struggled to get her phone as she had it under her pillow while having her charger plugged in.

I put on some black clothes, thick socks so I would be quiet walking close to her sleeping, wrapped up my already open laptop, plugged her charger lead into the laptop and placed it all under our bed. Pressed scan and never touched her phone while doing it. Only had to be aware that the laptop could shut down if left untouched for too long so move the mouse from a distance every once in a while. :lol:

Just make a realistic plan, find your own way and get it done already.

If she does catch you out taking her phone, demand to see it. She's your wife and 'shouldn't' have a problem with this. I'm sure she won't give up that easy then I'd either throw an ultimatum out there about seeing her phone right NOW, or I'd still take it and let her scream and shout as much as she pleases. She'll get it back once you're finished.

If she catches you putting it back in place, tell her you looked at it. Who cares? What do you owe her? You owe this to yourself mate.

Best of luck
 

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Just read your edit, and I agree with your plan with the VAR and keylogger. Doing the phone thing first may spill your beans, but at the same time would force her to make mistakes your VAR and keylogger would pick up on.

The only thing that's certain about all of this is that it's bloody draining.
 

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Discussion Starter #100 (Edited)
I know that mine backs up to iCloud and got me details from mine when I tested it.
If she hasn't changed her 4 digit lock code I can access her phone and change the setting in 14 seconds then use the iCloud as I did previously.

Just gotta plan my moves and not draw too much attention to myself.

She has also removed the last seen fuction this morning on her whatsapp so I can't trace her now, this is either her getting onto me or been more devious.
No other reason than to try cover her tracks.
 
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