Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I don't post much but have read often.

My story is similar to others:

She is 28 and I am 33. Kids are 6 and 4. Together for 10 years and married for just short of 3.

Received the ILYBNILWY speech on 01/04/2012, as far as I was aware we had the perfect 2.4 children family life. Good income, happy holidays, few arguments.

Three weeks later she tells me that my friend (her 1st love when she was 16, they went out for a year) and her have feelings for each other. He has no children and is like a bachelor version of me. I commence divorce proceedings the following morning.

Within two months he is around my children and they live like a family. He may as well be wearing my shoes.

For four months I go out alot and try to replace what I have lost but to no avail. I drank too much until I realised it wasn't helping and have been looking into 'who i am and what do i want' for the last 6 weeks or so, much less alcohol has had a great effect.

Two weeks ago she informs me they have bought a family home (very nice 5 bed, blah blah) which they move into that weekend (she had moved out of the matrimonial home and into rented with him staying over.)

She still breaks down often as to 'what she has done to our family' and to be honest that has allowed me to be protective of my financial position. I think she is happy she is with him but still coming to terms with the guilt of what her extra 'happyness' has cost and to the huge effects of it all for all concerned. She was a stay at home mum and I think bored with mundane family life.

Now I find myself in an odd situation, my divorce was final last week and the financial court order is probably two weeks away. I have been lucky financially as she has not gone after me in that respect. The person she has gone with is very similar to me even down to looks. He is a good earner and was in a sense 'bachelor' me whereas I was 'family' me due to us having young children and responsibilities.

At present I see the kids for two or three nights each week.

My problem is :

1. I cannot shake the feeling that I am not needed here anymore. My job can be done anywhere in the world, my kids love their new 'step-dad', why do they need me ? And why do I want to put myself through the pain of watching someone else live my life ?

2. At the age of 33 I seem to struggle with self doubt, will anyone love me, if she did this to me after all I gave to her then surely it will just happen to me again ? Am I good looking etc etc ?

3: Why don't I just move away and find someone new and start a new family, if he wanted my old one so badly he can have it.

I am not sure how 'normal' these feelings are and friends I have spoken to have said that when I find a new partner alot will change but that could be years away.

Help . . .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the replies and your thoughts

I took the day off work today as kids are on school holidays. Took them ice skating and just sitting on the sofa having a bed time cuddle (i'm in the UK).

Feel much better overall, funny how easy your mind can swing your emotions so much.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top