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I have been separated for a few months; I moved in with my parents after years of verbal and sometimes physical abuse, most of it occurring in front of our 4 year old son.
My husband and I have been married for 9 years, together for 13. For the last 7 years, I have completely supported the family. My husband "worked" with his own business as a contractor, but only when he felt like it. Our son was still sent to the babysitter while my hubby would spend his time hunting, fishing or watching TV. We began building a house 3 years ago, and it sits unfinished. Hubby has literally spent maybe 5 weeks total time out of the last 2 years working on it. We had the money and material put away, so that's not the issue. God knows time wasn't a factor.
Never once was I thanked for holding down the fort or for keeping the lights on, taking care of our son, etc. I was just criticized. I admit, I criticized his poor worth ethic too, but it just kept adding up.
There was not a day that went by that he didn't tell me how "stupid" I was. He was always calling me "idiot" or "moron." He also physically abused me at times, never debilitating, but pushing, shoving, pinching, slapping, squeezing, pulling hair, etc. Our son started to tell other adults how things were in the house, and he began acting out.
Last year, hubby asked me to allow others into our sex life. Excuse me? He said I "wasn't enough" for him, and that having sex roughly twice a week was torture. He wanted more excitement. He began texting inappropriately with another woman, and I began an EA...who, just happened to be the man my hubby wanted to have sexual relations with me in front of him. This ended months ago.
So, I had a lot going on and I told hubby in the spring "look, you need to get a job and start treating me better or I am out." I suggested joint counseling, he refused. I asked for a separation, he refused. So, I stayed in the home, and things spiraled out of control. The verbal and physical abuse escalated. He did get a job, but resented me for making him get one. I left the house in September and never looked back.
Now, hubby is saying I never "tried" and now that he is on anti-depressants and has had 4 counseling sessions, he thinks he's changed. I don't see it. He still has become verbal and physical with me and continues to threaten me "If you divorce me, your life will be a living hell" "I will take our son from you" "I will hurt anyone you ever date" "You will never be happy again." He has also said some things to our son to try to turn him against me.
Here is my dilemma: I want to end this marriage as peacefully for our son as possible. I want a dissolution so we can be in agreement over our son (joint custody) and the property. If I file for divorce, now there is a chance our son would have to be interviewed by social workers, etc. and I hate that. Also, my hubby is not accepting of any of this and said I have not "worked on" the marriage at all. He said I don't understand marriage b/c my parents were divorced.
Is there any advice to get someone to go with a dissolution, or is divorce the only option for me? How can I make him see I am done? Any advice to keeping it easy on my son if it does go the divorce route?
My husband and I have been married for 9 years, together for 13. For the last 7 years, I have completely supported the family. My husband "worked" with his own business as a contractor, but only when he felt like it. Our son was still sent to the babysitter while my hubby would spend his time hunting, fishing or watching TV. We began building a house 3 years ago, and it sits unfinished. Hubby has literally spent maybe 5 weeks total time out of the last 2 years working on it. We had the money and material put away, so that's not the issue. God knows time wasn't a factor.
Never once was I thanked for holding down the fort or for keeping the lights on, taking care of our son, etc. I was just criticized. I admit, I criticized his poor worth ethic too, but it just kept adding up.
There was not a day that went by that he didn't tell me how "stupid" I was. He was always calling me "idiot" or "moron." He also physically abused me at times, never debilitating, but pushing, shoving, pinching, slapping, squeezing, pulling hair, etc. Our son started to tell other adults how things were in the house, and he began acting out.
Last year, hubby asked me to allow others into our sex life. Excuse me? He said I "wasn't enough" for him, and that having sex roughly twice a week was torture. He wanted more excitement. He began texting inappropriately with another woman, and I began an EA...who, just happened to be the man my hubby wanted to have sexual relations with me in front of him. This ended months ago.
So, I had a lot going on and I told hubby in the spring "look, you need to get a job and start treating me better or I am out." I suggested joint counseling, he refused. I asked for a separation, he refused. So, I stayed in the home, and things spiraled out of control. The verbal and physical abuse escalated. He did get a job, but resented me for making him get one. I left the house in September and never looked back.
Now, hubby is saying I never "tried" and now that he is on anti-depressants and has had 4 counseling sessions, he thinks he's changed. I don't see it. He still has become verbal and physical with me and continues to threaten me "If you divorce me, your life will be a living hell" "I will take our son from you" "I will hurt anyone you ever date" "You will never be happy again." He has also said some things to our son to try to turn him against me.
Here is my dilemma: I want to end this marriage as peacefully for our son as possible. I want a dissolution so we can be in agreement over our son (joint custody) and the property. If I file for divorce, now there is a chance our son would have to be interviewed by social workers, etc. and I hate that. Also, my hubby is not accepting of any of this and said I have not "worked on" the marriage at all. He said I don't understand marriage b/c my parents were divorced.
Is there any advice to get someone to go with a dissolution, or is divorce the only option for me? How can I make him see I am done? Any advice to keeping it easy on my son if it does go the divorce route?