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Advice for a young family

998 Views 2 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  turnera
Hi, and thank you for looking at my post.

I would like to introduce myself, I am Jake, 23 years old, married to my amazing wife and we both have two wonderful (troublesome at the best of times) children. Things were going brilliant with our lives until a number of events that have triggered our current situation. I will try my hardest not to side track and please excuse my occasional spelling and grammar mistake. Any advice would be extremely grateful as we are seriously suffering risking our relationship, children lives and a roof over our heads.

It all started 4 years ago when I met my girlfriend (now wife). I lived in Birmingham and she lived in Winchester (South UK), I use to ride down on my little 125cc motorbike 2 times a week to be with her as we fell quickly in love for each other. Things progressed and in 2009 I decided to move down to Winchester to move into a house together, everything was perfect, I was 21 living in my own home with a job and the best girlfriend a man could ask for.

That was until the now In-laws decided to throw a 2 year hate campaign at me resulting in wrongful arrest of myself due to manifesting situations with the police that did not exist (proven, to any sceptics out there, we are not all bad!). In the end we decided to distance ourselves from the in-laws as clearly they did not have any interest in us as a couple or our children’s welfare.

Times past, then October 2011 we are married, we are on talking terms with the inlaws by then. 13 days later I am knocked off my motorbike when ironically traveling to Birmingham to do my car test. Multiple injuries/broken bones later and 2.5 months of loss of earnings I finally get better for work.

Due to financial stresses alone trying to support my wife and two children plus a house (private rented) I had no other option but to default on some bills which long story short has resulted in myself having a CCJ. By April 2012 we had NO choice but to give up our home and begrudgingly move back in with the very people who caused us some much issues the in-laws.

No we have had to pay £450 a month rent to live there plus pay for all the usual things food etc. Bills after bills have come up and we have not managed to save anything in over 6 months.

The estate agents will not look at us because of my CCJ and the fact our income is less than £35,000 a year combined. And because we can’t get a guarantor we can’t even private rent. Oh and the council think it is ok to stay in our current situation despite me suffering severe depression and anxiety plus our eldest son suffering from severe learning difficulties as a result of the constant tension in the house.

The only open option is to turn our children into the social services and myself and my wife put in a hostel. Not only would our children not be with their parents but to add insult to injury they have said your not allowed to park any cars in or around the hostel which would cause me to lose my job. And the authorities are suppose to help us?..... Split a family up and cause more broken homes whilst indirectly making people jobless? Generations of my family worked hard and fought for this country and look how we are treated.

To add to the whole mix the mother in law is starting her 4th treatment for cancer but this time It has spread. Her surgeons have said to not surround yourself in stress which understandably having your daughter, son-in law plus 2 grand children living with you is hard enough when things are civil but chuck in the fact the mother in law and I do not see eye to eye just makes things worse.

I do not know what to do, I have lost all will to do anything anymore. I do not speak with my family in Birmingham, I have lost friends I am not socialising anymore and find myself in a constant depressive anxious state. My wife and I have nearly split up 4 times already this month with all my belongings being shoved in bin bags in my car because I just can’t cope or my wife wants to throw in the towel in the relationship in the hope her parents stop acting like children.

I am a very happy, out going sociable person normally. I have changed into everything I did not want to be and just find myself wallowing in some dark pit of depression most times.

The local council will not help, they say 3 years is the waiting list and its acceptable for us to live at the inlaws yet they are kicking us out because of the cancer treatment (which I fully understand) and we have nowhere to turn to. My salary will always be appalling, (£10,000 a year less than standard), my wife will still be over worked for little money so we can’t just drop everything and move into a new home. Christmas is out of the window, I will not be able to see my daughter or family in Birmingham this xmas and our own children will only have little due to us being so broke. WE WORK! WE WANT GOOD LIVES FOR OUR CHILDREN! ALL WE WANT IS A PLACE TO CALL HOME!

Sorry to have ranted and sorry if this post looks like some self pathetic excuse. IT has helped me saying this which I suppose is one thing but we have no idea what to do. We are only young and want to do best for our children’s future in a SAFE and secure home.

Thank you for reading my brief story.

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Are the in-laws actually throwing you out? If so, I don't have an answer.

But if they aren't, my suggestion is that you have to bite the bullet and make it work. I know the accident wasn't your fault, but sh!t happens and you, being the man of the family, are just going to have to make this situation work. And if that means biting your tongue with the in-laws or picking up a second job so you aren't falling behind in bills, you do what it takes.
I suggest you bust your butt looking up other options. In your city, outside your city, outside your country...look up volunteering opportunities, such as the Peace Corps, that will give you lodging in return for your work. There's BOUND to be something you can do differently. Get on the web and find forums in your community to look for help, offer to housesit or nanny for someone, find something.
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