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I don’t think you’ll be able to stop feeling bitter as long as you remain married. I wasn’t able to anyway. Time is the only thing that helps and divorce starts the clock on healing.
 

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Once you leave and meet that someone you would've wished you had done that move long long ago. you regret and anger will change towards yourself to why you didn't meet that person before your wife.

you think about her and jealousy because you don't anything better. once you find that someone and even before and move to the calmness you will see the picture clear.

I had worked in prison before and saw female guards falling for prisoners. they paint a beautiful picture in the their head how their life will be with the another person. when reality's hit she will come on her knees
 

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She worked in a prison where she met him. She no longer does.
I’ve never said I will stay with her. Not once. I know this is over. I’m asking how can I stop feeling bitter
Time and distance. That is the only thing that can help. The quicker you can put this chapter behind you the sooner you will start to feel better.
 

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I have thrown myself into work to get through the worst, I was at a very low point in my life a few years ago but I’ve got through that.

yes I was certainly punching

it’s just the bitterness I feel that I can’t get rid of and it keeps me awake at night and haunts my thoughts most days even now 3 years on.
I’m approaching 40 now too and I’ll never meet anyone like she was at the start. I’ve accepted that. Even if I never meet anyone again I’m fine with that but I don’t want to feel bitter forever
Here's the thing -- you say you'll never meet someone like she was at the start. Well, SHE WASN'T THAT person. The cheater is who she is. She may be beautiful, but she is an awful person inside -- truly ugly.
I DO hope that you at least told the kids why you divorced (and your family/her family, etc.)
 

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She worked in a prison where she met him. She no longer does.
I’ve never said I will stay with her. Not once. I know this is over. I’m asking how can I stop feeling bitter
"Counseling" is always recommended in every single post like this. I'd take that money and buy a nice motorcycle with it.......You really 'need' someone to just tell you not to be bitter???

What you need to do is burn that bridge hot and fast. She will probably come crawling at some capacity but you already know the type of woman you are dealing with. Remind yourself of that. Go dark other than kid matters. She WILL pry. Do not let her. Tell her or your kids nothing because kids are walking tape recorders. Block any and everyone associated with her in SM or just delete them ALL. Give your ex no access to your personal life at all. You have to get this in your head, "YOU NO LONGER CARE"..... If my ex fell off a cliff, I would not even send a flower. That is not hate, that is complete non existence.

Go slay some new friends. Some want to call them rebounders...women do it ALL the time....fair game. You are young enough that you can still chase at early 30s with ease and very likely to find a keeper in that range.

Basically until you prove it to yourself that you still have game, you will be bitter. Now eating the fact that you won't have this 'perfect family' anymore....that takes way more time. Some like me never recover from it, but doesn't mean you can't!

Do NOT, let me repeat do NOT start jabbing about your ex to your new 'friends'. Keep it short and to the point. Be prepared the their very first question, "so how long have you been separate?" I'd just tell em you "mentally checked out the second you found out"..... Your new friends don't want to hear about your drama. Put your game face on.
 

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One thing that might help is to consider something beyond how beautiful she is. You've made 2 comments to this effect, including one that you'll never meet someone like she was.

So is how hot someone is all that matters? If she's carrying on with a convict she's not that great of a person, so does that matter? Or is it just that she's hot that matters?

If you use surface criteria to pick a partner you can't really be upset if they turn out to be a ****ty person. So you might own the fact that you didn't think about anything else, and maybe you'll be well rid of a ****ty person.

Case in point: I know a guy on marriage #4. They just hit the 10 year mark and are happy.

So why do I bring this up? He'd told me that all 3 of his exes were "smoking hot"... like that's all that mattered. And now they're all exes. This wife, while attractive, really isn't "smoking hot" and he flat out told me that's not why he married her. While he does find her attractive, he married her because she's a lovely person with integrity, gainfully employed, and treats him well. Not surprisingly they've now been married longer then any of his other marriages.
 

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One thing that might help is to consider something beyond how beautiful she is. You've made 2 comments to this effect, including one that you'll never meet someone like she was.

So is how hot someone is all that matters? If she's carrying on with a convict she's not that great of a person, so does that matter? Or is it just that she's hot that matters?

If you use surface criteria to pick a partner you can't really be upset if they turn out to be a ****ty person. So you might own the fact that you didn't think about anything else, and maybe you'll be well rid of a ****ty person.

Case in point: I know a guy on marriage #4. They just hit the 10 year mark and are happy.

So why do I bring this up? He'd told me that all 3 of his exes were "smoking hot"... like that's all that mattered. And now they're all exes. This wife, while attractive, really isn't "smoking hot" and he flat out told me that's not why he married her. While he does find her attractive, he married her because she's a lovely person with integrity, gainfully employed, and treats him well. Not surprisingly they've now been married longer then any of his other marriages.
He is saying that because it is likely true he has not yet accepted that fact yet. I know that because I am near the same age and hit the exact same conclusion. It is very similar to the doctor coming in after a big accident and him telling you your legs will never work again! There are certainly miracles! But for the most part, you have to learn to cope that you got robbed of many/most of your prime years to find an equal replacement. I knew the second my last one ended that level of 'hot' would never be found again. But I have met far better human beings.

I think I gave him solid man advice to go mingle.
 

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I'm almost 40 too and if my very hot wife ever decides she wants to run off with a convict I'll wish her the best and send her on her way. Not that she's ever given me any reason to worry, but I've been passed over for a loser before and it gives you nightmares for a while but not the end of the world. That's the fun of not having your ego all dependent on what women think of you.

Develop a skill or talent that can feed your ego. It helps immensely.
 

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Develop a skill or talent that can feed your ego. It helps immensely.
I have buried myself in work for 40 years. The women I have been associated with only want a pack mule, not a husband. Someone to carry them through life financially. I have done my duty, I have gone not only the extra mile, but about 9 extra miles.

how do we get over betrayal?
In my case, it was when I stopped calling the OM a POS and started calling my wife a POS who I couldn't care less about anymore. I went from half-truth to whole-truth.
 

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We were married 7 years and have 3 kids together.
BTDT, too. I went to see a lawyer. It was, by far, "cheaper to keep her". Plus, I didn't want my boys watching the **** carousel which would have followed. One of these POSs would have touched one of my boys, and they would have had to get the coroner for him (and her) and the state police for me.
 

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however what I’m asking is, how do we get over betrayal? I have this horrible jelous and bitterness that lives In me daily about all this and I want to just be free from it all. She’s a beautiful looking woman and every time I see her I get this inner jealously rage that I wasn’t enough for her and the bitterness kills me.
How do u guys cope with this? Can you help me?
Welcome to the forum, sorry to hear of your problems, but we've all been there.
I've found the best way (for me) to move on is to start something with a new, younger and prettier woman. Don't look back, but this time make the effort to protect you assets and your feelings a little bit better.
 

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I’m approaching 40 now too and I’ll never meet anyone like she was at the start. I’ve accepted that.
I thought that, and almost immediately met a series of women that were all better than the cheater I originally loved ..... and I was 52 when I was betrayed and dumped.

PS. Women who start relationships with guys in prison are twisted in a way we can't even imagine. Had a pal whose wife started writing to murderers in prison, what a poop show that was.
 

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Discussion Starter · #33 ·
I thought that, and almost immediately met a series of women that were all better than the cheater I originally loved ..... and I was 52 when I was betrayed and dumped.

PS. Women who start relationships with guys in prison are twisted in a way we can't even imagine. Had a pal whose wife started writing to murderers in prison, what a poop show that was.
yeah it’s a sorry state of affairs isn’t it! Very embarrassing which adds to the shame and pain of it all. Maybe the guy will change maybe he won’t but there’s not much I can do about that now. Like I’ve said I’m past her now but I have this bitterness that remains and I’m just reaching out for answers on that mainly.
 

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I have thrown myself into work to get through the worst, I was at a very low point in my life a few years ago but I’ve got through that.

yes I was certainly punching

it’s just the bitterness I feel that I can’t get rid of and it keeps me awake at night and haunts my thoughts most days even now 3 years on.
I’m approaching 40 now too and I’ll never meet anyone like she was at the start. I’ve accepted that. Even if I never meet anyone again I’m fine with that but I don’t want to feel bitter forever
She is no longer who she was at the start......
 

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How in the world did your wife get involved with a convict? And the fact that she visited him, you have to know that she would have absolutely ****ed him if she had the opportunity. Assuming the prison is not too far you can rest assured she will be hooking up with him and I bet he has a lot of pent up sexual desire.

How can you afford to stay with her? It may not be costing you money but you have no self respect if you stay with her.
And some prisons have "conjugal rooms."
 

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Once you leave and meet that someone you would've wished you had done that move long long ago. you regret and anger will change towards yourself to why you didn't meet that person before your wife.

you think about her and jealousy because you don't anything better. once you find that someone and even before and move to the calmness you will see the picture clear.

I had worked in prison before and saw female guards falling for prisoners. they paint a beautiful picture in the their head how their life will be with the another person. when reality's hit she will come on her knees
yeah, watch Escape from Danimore Prison. True story.
 

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Welcome to the forum, sorry to hear of your problems, but we've all been there.
I've found the best way (for me) to move on is to start something with a new, younger and prettier woman. Don't look back, but this time make the effort to protect you assets and your feelings a little bit better.
Younger women have more time to find a soulmate and have kids. They may not be suitable for you. Or, if she starts treating you treating you like "just a friend," don't assume that you can change her.

That "just a friend" remark is simply a warning that she is dating and shagging other men.
 

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Younger women have more time to find a soulmate
There's no such thing ..... and I managed to start a new family at age 55, my son's 10 now.
 

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however what I’m asking is, how do we get over betrayal? I have this horrible jelous and bitterness that lives In me daily about all this and I want to just be free from it all.
I know some will disagree with me, so I will only tell it from my experience and POV.

The only way, for me, to have freed myself from it all was to get rid of the cheater. Had I stayed, I would be bitter to this day and always popping TUMS and looking over my shoulder.

I know that is probably not what you want to hear or want to do, but again, just telling it as it relates to me.
 

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She worked in a prison where she met him. She no longer does.
I’ve never said I will stay with her. Not once. I know this is over. I’m asking how can I stop feeling bitter
You'll feel the way you do, until you don't. It takes time, and in that time...you should probably seek counseling for yourself, and pick up some type of exercise routine, if you don't have one already. It will help you so much. Eventually, you'll see that clinging to your wife, putting her on a pedestal, was because you didn't feel very good about yourself. But, you will...eventually. I would also seek legal advice because that will give you knowledge of the situation. I hope you find peace, soon.
 
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