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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Good afternoon,

my wife started having an emotional affair so it led to arguments and eventually I moved out of the home. We were married 7 years and have 3 kids together. In that time she’s told me it had stopped but time after time after time I’ve found out it hasn’t. I’ve spent the last 3 years being a detective and embarrassing enough even been looking in bins for clues and things, it’s led to my mental health plummeting.

anyway cut a very long story short it’s time I let it just go, if she wants to be with someone else then I can’t change that. The lies she’s told to my face are so disrespectful. I will never go back to her.

however what I’m asking is, how do we get over betrayal? I have this horrible jelous and bitterness that lives In me daily about all this and I want to just be free from it all. She’s a beautiful looking woman and every time I see her I get this inner jealously rage that I wasn’t enough for her and the bitterness kills me.
How do u guys cope with this? Can you help me?
 

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Do you think she is better looking than you? We're you punching above your weight in the looks department? Many a nice guy has fallen into this trap.

I'll let you into a little secret, you weren't punching above your weight, but if you think you were, you probably acted like you thought you were.

You need to believe that she's the one losing out, you have integrity, you're better than her. Until you believe that, you won't move on and the bitterness will remain.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I have thrown myself into work to get through the worst, I was at a very low point in my life a few years ago but I’ve got through that.

yes I was certainly punching

it’s just the bitterness I feel that I can’t get rid of and it keeps me awake at night and haunts my thoughts most days even now 3 years on.
I’m approaching 40 now too and I’ll never meet anyone like she was at the start. I’ve accepted that. Even if I never meet anyone again I’m fine with that but I don’t want to feel bitter forever
 

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Good afternoon,

my wife started having an emotional affair so it led to arguments and eventually I moved out of the home. We were married 7 years and have 3 kids together. In that time she’s told me it had stopped but time after time after time I’ve found out it hasn’t. I’ve spent the last 3 years being a detective and embarrassing enough even been looking in bins for clues and things, it’s led to my mental health plummeting.

anyway cut a very long story short it’s time I let it just go, if she wants to be with someone else then I can’t change that. The lies she’s told to my face are so disrespectful. I will never go back to her.

however what I’m asking is, how do we get over betrayal? I have this horrible jelous and bitterness that lives In me daily about all this and I want to just be free from it all. She’s a beautiful looking woman and every time I see her I get this inner jealously rage that I wasn’t enough for her and the bitterness kills me.
How do u guys cope with this? Can you help me?
Are you positive this was only an emotional affair? They've never had the ability to be near each other?

I don't think you will ever get over the betrayal. It will always be there, it can't be undone. You can choose to move beyond it, but you don't seem to doing very well with that. Why are you staying married?
 

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That’s at a cost I really can’t afford. I’m just about managing finiancially without that which is sad
Perhaps you could buy a journal and write all of your feelings down in it. The mere fact of writing is therapeutic. For me, getting it out of my head is key. Remember, the affair was on her... her emotional issue. You deserve love and some one who will love you respectfully. Betrayal is something that will stay for a long time.
 

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I have thrown myself into work to get through the worst, I was at a very low point in my life a few years ago but I’ve got through that.

yes I was certainly punching

it’s just the bitterness I feel that I can’t get rid of and it keeps me awake at night and haunts my thoughts most days even now 3 years on.
I’m approaching 40 now too and I’ll never meet anyone like she was at the start. I’ve accepted that. Even if I never meet anyone again I’m fine with that but I don’t want to feel bitter forever
I didn't say your work. I said your passion. What is it you love to do? Do more of it, and do it to excel. Music? Photography? Art? Design? Woodworking? Something that you legitimately have a passion for whether it's paying your bills or not.

See, part of that sense of betrayal is likely because you derived too much of your self worth from her. That's a fatal mistake many make in their relationships.
 

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Dig into some of Rich Cooper's stuff on youtube. He's all about making yourself better. If you're not even 40 then it's way too early to be saying you'll never meet another one like her. Let's be honest, if she was cheating then I'd hope that you never do meet one like her!!!!!
 

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Good afternoon,

my wife started having an emotional affair so it led to arguments and eventually I moved out of the home. We were married 7 years and have 3 kids together. In that time she’s told me it had stopped but time after time after time I’ve found out it hasn’t. I’ve spent the last 3 years being a detective and embarrassing enough even been looking in bins for clues and things, it’s led to my mental health plummeting.

anyway cut a very long story short it’s time I let it just go, if she wants to be with someone else then I can’t change that. The lies she’s told to my face are so disrespectful. I will never go back to her.

however what I’m asking is, how do we get over betrayal? I have this horrible jelous and bitterness that lives In me daily about all this and I want to just be free from it all. She’s a beautiful looking woman and every time I see her I get this inner jealously rage that I wasn’t enough for her and the bitterness kills me.
How do u guys cope with this? Can you help me?
How much of this is misdirected anger at yourself for pursing a cheater for 3 years? She is like poison that taste good. So what if when it's in your mouth you like the taste if in the end it makes you sick? You need to get mad at yourself for giving her so much power over your life, just because she is beautiful.
 

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Good afternoon,

my wife started having an emotional affair so it led to arguments and eventually I moved out of the home. We were married 7 years and have 3 kids together. In that time she’s told me it had stopped but time after time after time I’ve found out it hasn’t. I’ve spent the last 3 years being a detective and embarrassing enough even been looking in bins for clues and things, it’s led to my mental health plummeting.

anyway cut a very long story short it’s time I let it just go, if she wants to be with someone else then I can’t change that. The lies she’s told to my face are so disrespectful. I will never go back to her.

however what I’m asking is, how do we get over betrayal? I have this horrible jelous and bitterness that lives In me daily about all this and I want to just be free from it all. She’s a beautiful looking woman and every time I see her I get this inner jealously rage that I wasn’t enough for her and the bitterness kills me.
How do u guys cope with this? Can you help me?
Time will help. However, the best thing to do is stat building a future that you are happy with. The happier you are with your life, the less important that old relationship will become. And the sour taste of betrayal can even become sweet when you realize you’re a helluva lot better off since she let you know her true colors
 

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In my experiences of being desperately hurt and betrayed, lots of time is needed and eventually forgiveness as well. Forgiveness is a decision in the end, not a feeling. It doesn't mean you aren't deeply hurt, or that they 'deserve' forgiveness, its because it's sets you free from the negative emotions that are so damaging for you.
Bitterness and anger will eventually eat you up.

Plus being the absolute best parent you can, focusing your efforts onto your children.
As someone else said, writing things down helps.
Plus only see her when you have to. Only have contact when you have to.

There is life after betrayal and divorce.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Are you positive this was only an emotional affair? They've never had the ability to be near each other?

I don't think you will ever get over the betrayal. It will always be there, it can't be undone. You can choose to move beyond it, but you don't seem to doing very well with that. Why are you staying married?
I can’t afford a divorce. And I know it was emotional as he was a prisoner, he will be released next year and I know she also visted him
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
How much of this is misdirected anger at yourself for pursing a cheater for 3 years? She is like poison that taste good. So what if when it's in your mouth you like the taste if in the end it makes you sick? You need to get mad at yourself for giving her so much power over your life, just because she is beautiful.
I am angry at myself but I wanted to try and make our marriage work and hoped she would stop and never has
 

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I can’t afford a divorce. And I know it was emotional as he was a prisoner, he will be released next year and I know she also visted him
How in the world did your wife get involved with a convict? And the fact that she visited him, you have to know that she would have absolutely ****ed him if she had the opportunity. Assuming the prison is not too far you can rest assured she will be hooking up with him and I bet he has a lot of pent up sexual desire.

How can you afford to stay with her? It may not be costing you money but you have no self respect if you stay with her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
How in the world did your wife get involved with a convict? And the fact that she visited him, you have to know that she would have absolutely ****ed him if she had the opportunity. Assuming the prison is not too far you can rest assured she will be hooking up with him and I bet he has a lot of pent up sexual desire.

How can you afford to stay with her? It may not be costing you money but you have no self respect if you stay with her.
She worked in a prison where she met him. She no longer does.
I’ve never said I will stay with her. Not once. I know this is over. I’m asking how can I stop feeling bitter
 

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Cutting off contact with her, except for kid related stuff will help. I think there is even an app for that, for all kid related communication.

Excercise, workout, improve yourself... you'll start feel better and more confident.

You need to start seeing her as damaged goods, even though there is a beautiful exterior, you know what lies underneath.

Disengage from your life with her and engage in your life without her.
 
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