What I am about to write and what you are about to read will probably sound like something made up and like a bad romance novel, but it is all true.
Under a month ago, I decided to have a peek at my wife's hotmail which she was always so secretive about. I thought that she was just hiding old emails from old flames or something of the like. I thought I was letting her hold on to something special to her about her past and it didn't bother me a whole bunch. Little did I know that she had been keeping emotional affairs with 2 of her ex-boyfriends...and yes, she had slept with both of them. She said that they were just emails and that she was just flirting with them but I didn't believe her. I kept on asking and asking and asking questions, trying to get her to fess up. She finally did, and told me that she had indeed met up with these guys face to face but just for lunch or coffee.
I started looking closer at the emails and the dates that she was sending them on. She has sent emails on her birthday, my birthday, our wedding anniversary, a few days after our marriage, a few days before our kids' birthdays etc.
If I keep on writing about what else she had talked about with these guys, it would be a novel. Anyway, after these two initial guys, she fesses up to another guy that she had met at one of her friends' weddings. They found each other attractive and started an email romance. It quickly fizzled and she stopped communicating with him.
Now, guy number 4 I found while going through all of her facebook messages. He was an old high school boyfriend and her first love. What she wrote to him was inappropriate but I did give her a get out of jail card on this one because I knew how she felt having a former high school sweetheart of my own.
Story is not over. During our dating period and for our entire marriage, she always played being a prude. Whenever I said something remotely sexual, she would always say I was a pervert. Anyway, to make a long story longer, she confesses that she had had 40 partners (not all intercourse but oral and all that other stuff). And, on top of this, she says that is the only ones that she remembers. She said there is probably a couple more in there. So, with the count to 42, this makes me 43. Not a good feeling. Being the masochist I am, I told her to tell me about everyone. She told me there were a bunch of guys who she didn't even know their names, and there was even a young college kid who she blew when she was 27 or 28. I am truly stupid for having asked her to tell me.
Still not finished. To top it off, she got pregnant twice by one of her boyfriends and had 2 abortions. Once early in the year and the second one 3 months later! WTF?
What I haven't mentioned is that we have 3 kids together. What I also didn't mention is that when she was having those emotional affairs with the 4 guys, she was pregnant with child. She did so with each pregnancy of each child. She even met one guy when she was pregnant with my 3rd child.
Now let the flaming begin on me for mentioning her past s!uttiness which is something that is before me and has nothing to do with me. Also, let me receive all the bashing about my frail male ego and penis inadequacy. Finally, let the flaming begin about me worrying about her 2 abortions that happened before we met.
Anyway, re-read what I just wrote and you will kind of see what is going on in my head. I am a mess and my frail male ego is completely shattered.
When my wife and I pass away and we're hopefully in heaven together, I don't want her paying any attention to the souls of the 2 babies she chose to abort. I am selfish, and I want her for myself.
Please bash away. Or make your jokes. Or, if you can try and imagine my pain, please give me some advice on what I can do to get over this series of nightmare after nightmare.