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What I am about to write and what you are about to read will probably sound like something made up and like a bad romance novel, but it is all true.

Under a month ago, I decided to have a peek at my wife's hotmail which she was always so secretive about. I thought that she was just hiding old emails from old flames or something of the like. I thought I was letting her hold on to something special to her about her past and it didn't bother me a whole bunch. Little did I know that she had been keeping emotional affairs with 2 of her ex-boyfriends...and yes, she had slept with both of them. She said that they were just emails and that she was just flirting with them but I didn't believe her. I kept on asking and asking and asking questions, trying to get her to fess up. She finally did, and told me that she had indeed met up with these guys face to face but just for lunch or coffee.

I started looking closer at the emails and the dates that she was sending them on. She has sent emails on her birthday, my birthday, our wedding anniversary, a few days after our marriage, a few days before our kids' birthdays etc.

If I keep on writing about what else she had talked about with these guys, it would be a novel. Anyway, after these two initial guys, she fesses up to another guy that she had met at one of her friends' weddings. They found each other attractive and started an email romance. It quickly fizzled and she stopped communicating with him.

Now, guy number 4 I found while going through all of her facebook messages. He was an old high school boyfriend and her first love. What she wrote to him was inappropriate but I did give her a get out of jail card on this one because I knew how she felt having a former high school sweetheart of my own.

Story is not over. During our dating period and for our entire marriage, she always played being a prude. Whenever I said something remotely sexual, she would always say I was a pervert. Anyway, to make a long story longer, she confesses that she had had 40 partners (not all intercourse but oral and all that other stuff). And, on top of this, she says that is the only ones that she remembers. She said there is probably a couple more in there. So, with the count to 42, this makes me 43. Not a good feeling. Being the masochist I am, I told her to tell me about everyone. She told me there were a bunch of guys who she didn't even know their names, and there was even a young college kid who she blew when she was 27 or 28. I am truly stupid for having asked her to tell me.

Still not finished. To top it off, she got pregnant twice by one of her boyfriends and had 2 abortions. Once early in the year and the second one 3 months later! WTF?

What I haven't mentioned is that we have 3 kids together. What I also didn't mention is that when she was having those emotional affairs with the 4 guys, she was pregnant with child. She did so with each pregnancy of each child. She even met one guy when she was pregnant with my 3rd child.

Now let the flaming begin on me for mentioning her past s!uttiness which is something that is before me and has nothing to do with me. Also, let me receive all the bashing about my frail male ego and penis inadequacy. Finally, let the flaming begin about me worrying about her 2 abortions that happened before we met.

Anyway, re-read what I just wrote and you will kind of see what is going on in my head. I am a mess and my frail male ego is completely shattered.

When my wife and I pass away and we're hopefully in heaven together, I don't want her paying any attention to the souls of the 2 babies she chose to abort. I am selfish, and I want her for myself.

Please bash away. Or make your jokes. Or, if you can try and imagine my pain, please give me some advice on what I can do to get over this series of nightmare after nightmare.
 

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Re: Adulterous wife, former s!ut had 2 abortions before we met

So you found out a bunch of stuff about your wife's past before you met and before you were married that was shocking.

Did she lie to you before you got married or did you never ask?

You also found out that she has had emotional affairs that she admits to since you've been married. She admits to meeting these guys but not having sex with them. There are things she has admitted to that have not been in her emails, so likely there is much more that she is not telling you.

What is she saying about these affairs now? Has she apologized? Blamed you? Thinks they are OK?
 

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Re: Adulterous wife, former s!ut had 2 abortions before we met

What I am about to write and what you are about to read will probably sound like something made up and like a bad romance novel
I can confirm... It does...
 

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Prior to you---should have no bearing---but you sure as he*l should be concerned about the 3 or 4 A's, whatever kind---EA/PA since you took vows, and while she was pregnant, with YOUR kids

So question now is what are you gonna do about putting in some serious boundaries---or are you just gonna slide all of this under the rug, and live in misery??????
 

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Are you all reading this correctly? Its not just past actions. She was having EAs during pregnancy, birthdays, and other events which is incredibly disrespectful.

And yes someones past history is important. Sounds crude, but with so many sexual partners I heavily doubt shes STD free.
 

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Re: Adulterous wife, former s!ut had 2 abortions before we met

I think they were more than just eas yes DNA the kids and see an attorney and know your options.
You really believe she just went out for lunch and coffee with those guys? How often do we hear the same lie over and over again on this site? It always starts with they were just emails, we just had lunch, it was just a kiss, then it was oral but no penetration then it was sex but she had no feelings.. on and on.

canadajin, don't get too stuck on her past sexual encounters since they were before you but they are very telling of her future. She won't be able to stay loyal to one guy for too long before moving on to others.

Are you willing to "forgive" her or is it too much damage and heading towards divorce?
 

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If she had been faith in your marriage, her past should not be an issue. Instead her past seems to be a predictor of future behavior.

I doubt she has told you all that has gone on with other men since you married. Cheaters usually only tell the truth AFTER the BS (betrayed spouse) finds out a fact. She's only telling you what you know and a bit more. No doubt there is a lot that she has left out about her activities with other men since your marriage.

It would be wise to DNA test your children. YOu can do it without her or the kids knowing what you are doing.

So what do you plan to do now?
 

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Also, you say " clean up offensive wording and racial overtones "


Now I'm curious. What does race have to do with this?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
She sticks to her story that they were just EAs. Do I believe her? I don't know at this point. Has she had sexual partners after we got married? She says no.

Are we heading towards divorce? Everything is in the air. What I did not include in my original post were my exploits. I have not been a saint either but never truly cheated.

I am surprised nobody has mentioned anything about her 2 abortions. I am supposed to think that it is irrelevant to me?

If I haven't answered all of your questions, please fire away. I will be regularly checking this thread.
 

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Also, you say " clean up offensive wording and racial overtones "


Now I'm curious. What does race have to do with this?
His original post had a lot of race related stuff in it. In fact he was being a lot more honest about it than this sanitized version. Now he is all politically correct just for the sake of not getting racial stuff comments.

But what he had before wasn't offensive to anyone, IMO. It was just honest.
 

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^ That really does depend on you. I don't you would care much whether we're pro life or pro choice.

We're here about the infidelity.

If her abortions go against your morals, then you have to decide whether you're willing to keep your morals or compromise them.
 

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Also, you say " clean up offensive wording and racial overtones "


Now I'm curious. What does race have to do with this?
He doesn't say that. The edit is from a Mod (827Aug), not the original poster. It's she who says "clean up offensive wording and racial overtones."
 

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Her past is her past and it should remain there -

When you start over with a new partner (and unless there's a WHOLE lot of very heavy lifting on her part there WILL BE another partner in your future) be sure to spend time knowing all you can about her past - it may give you a glimpse of your future with her.

I'm usually an advocate of reconciliation, forgiveness, and renewal. You can forgive her and forgive yourself for having chosen her. But unless you have the Patience of Job and the fortitude of Mother Theresa you'll not do well carrying her (and all her affair partners) on your shoulders.

Your children will do fine. They'll adjust as will you.
 

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I am surprised nobody has mentioned anything about her 2 abortions. I am supposed to think that it is irrelevant to me?
I don't think so.
Her promiscuous past, the two abortions, calling you pervert... are relevant given the fact she presented herself to be another persona. costa brought the word fraud. I agree with him. You married her under false premises, she showed you a false image of herself, she manipulated you (putting you at arms lenght in the sexual deparment, making you secondguess). She was dishonest from the get go.

Now if you add her 4xEAs... the past become ever more relevant.

Well we all have a past filled propably whith shame we don't want anybody know, specially those we love, those we respect, those we want to feel respected by. But she manipulated you while at the same time being the other persona in your back.

It happens you barely know her becuase she hid that part from you on porpouse.
In case R is on the table you get to know her, man. Asuming you are able to eventually forgive... do you like wife2.0?
 

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Her promiscuous past, the two abortions, calling you pervert... are relevant given the fact she presented herself to be another persona. costa brought the word fraud. I agree with him. You married her under false premises, she showed you a false image of herself, she manipulated you (putting you at arms lenght in the sexual deparment, making you secondguess). She was dishonest from the get go.
This is the main issue i see here. One thing is a woman with 40 previous partners that tells her soon to be husband and he can then decide if he is ok or not with it. Quite another is to marry him, act prudish and put him down for every sexual advance and then him finding out about her 40 partners and 2 abortions... Holy crap! The past does count then. Even more so when he finds her mailing other males.

And i also don't agree with that clean slate thing. I find it terribly naive to thing a woman with this history will suddenly become a suitable wife. This case illustrates it!
 
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