New here, looking for some advice. I know this is long winded and kind of scatterbrained, please bear with me and feel free to ask anything.
Where to begin….
I have known my wife for 14 years, grew up together from junior high in a same group of friends. We have been together for 7 years this last June. We dated long distance for a year, with me driving to see her about every other weekend. Then I moved up here to be with her, we lived together for a year then I proposed. We were engaged for a year and now have been married for over 4 years. We were so much alike… We were both quiet, reserved but fun, loved staying home together hanging out, playing video games, doing things together and enjoying our life.
We ended up building/buying a new home shortly after we got married… it was our honeymoon so to speak. Shortly after we moved into our new home things started changing, she started wanting to be more social and try new things. She went out and joined a kungfu class, wanted me to join with her but I couldn’t due to my work schedule. This was the beginning…the virus that started changing the woman I fell in love with into this social butterfly that got this arrogant independent streak. Up to that point she had always made me feel wanted, needed… depended on. Now I am nothing.
Problems really started to flare up about a year ago. I was dealing with a bunch of **** at my work that was depressing and stressing me out. For a while I tried to vent and talk about my day, almost instantly I was met with this new found “personality” of hers and was told “If you don’t ****ing like something about your life then get off your ass and change it.” Needless to say, after being told this I shut down… I quit expressing myself or telling her about my day, because it was the same old ****. I found myself in a place where I couldn’t change anything…huge mortgage (purchased home right before the market crashed) thousands in credit card debt, etc… I believed change wasn’t an option. Gradually from there we started drifting apart. One day she comes home and says “Hey, I really want to go to Scotland…” to which I responded “That sounds great, we could have the honeymoon we never had a chance to”. Then she replied “I’m going by myself…I don’t want you going.” This of course hurt me a bit… I was lost. Here I was…stressed out, depressed, worried about money and our relationship and she wanted nothing to do with me.
She started doing more and more during the week to avoid ever having to see me, going to more classes, kung fu, acting classes, gymnastics, etc…
I tried again to express what was going on with me, was told I am an anti-social, procrastinator who is not living and not enjoying their life… So I tried changing, tried making friends… sold my sports car and bought a GSXR motorcycle to add some excitement… to no avail.
A month later I was laid off from my job of 6 years… I started falling apart. I tried finding myself, what I wanted to do with my life. I needed work, and needed it now… I went out the day after I was laid off searching for another job. I found work and stayed at that job for 3 weeks when I was offered a better position at another shop.
Anyways, I’m rambling… Take a small step back…I found the following out later this year… In the midst of my depression, the tension, the stress…. She finds another guy online, guess where he lives? Scotland…. I now realized where this drive to go to Scotland came from. Shortly after talking to him online for a couple months they started getting “involved” online. She started sending him pictures in her panties etc… at least that is what she admits to. She comes home one day from her kung fu class and asks me if I would ever consider swinging, to which I replied abso****inlutely not. This caused a fight to which I found out about this other guy. Huge fights for about a week over this… I told her to get rid of him, she refused. I told her the only way I would agree to her going to Scotland would be if she promised not to see him… we fought some more… and things kind of settled down. Fast forward a couple miserable months until her trip to Scotland… I told her not to see him, she said ok… then just before getting on her plane she said she didn’t know if she was going to give us a real chance when she got back. A week later she comes home, and guess who she spent the whole week with? Exactly, that guy… She said they didn’t do anything… but I don’t care. I told her NOT to do something, in order for me to get past her indiscretion online and she did it anyways. The last couple months have been fighting constantly about him… to the point I told him to stay the **** away from my wife, which he of course told her and she lost it on me. We tried counseling; on our second visit our counselor told her she exhibits bi-polar disorder. Needless to say telling that to her new independent self, ended our counseling.
So I ended this “thing” between her and this other guy… no need for details.
My wife always told me she wanted to act in Hollywood movies… well with the way we were all our lives, I figured ok… indulge and encourage this dream…she will never get where she wants to be in this industry with her personality so why crush her dream? Well with this new found independence streak, she is putting herself out there and finding work in film. Now she is hell bent in staring in a film that some of her friends are doing over in Scotland. This just happens to involve sex scenes with another guy, who is a new friend of hers.
I’m losing it; I can’t stand the thought of her touching another guy. We get in fights about her “career” because I don’t agree with the intimate scenes. How am I supposed to trust her knowing her already started messing around with someone else? How am I supposed to trust her when she didn’t respect me enough to stay away from this guy on her trip? I can’t stand this… I don’t feel loved, I don’t feel respected… I feel she came back because she ran out of money and is just using me to save up money until she can get back over there.
Advice?
Where to begin….
I have known my wife for 14 years, grew up together from junior high in a same group of friends. We have been together for 7 years this last June. We dated long distance for a year, with me driving to see her about every other weekend. Then I moved up here to be with her, we lived together for a year then I proposed. We were engaged for a year and now have been married for over 4 years. We were so much alike… We were both quiet, reserved but fun, loved staying home together hanging out, playing video games, doing things together and enjoying our life.
We ended up building/buying a new home shortly after we got married… it was our honeymoon so to speak. Shortly after we moved into our new home things started changing, she started wanting to be more social and try new things. She went out and joined a kungfu class, wanted me to join with her but I couldn’t due to my work schedule. This was the beginning…the virus that started changing the woman I fell in love with into this social butterfly that got this arrogant independent streak. Up to that point she had always made me feel wanted, needed… depended on. Now I am nothing.
Problems really started to flare up about a year ago. I was dealing with a bunch of **** at my work that was depressing and stressing me out. For a while I tried to vent and talk about my day, almost instantly I was met with this new found “personality” of hers and was told “If you don’t ****ing like something about your life then get off your ass and change it.” Needless to say, after being told this I shut down… I quit expressing myself or telling her about my day, because it was the same old ****. I found myself in a place where I couldn’t change anything…huge mortgage (purchased home right before the market crashed) thousands in credit card debt, etc… I believed change wasn’t an option. Gradually from there we started drifting apart. One day she comes home and says “Hey, I really want to go to Scotland…” to which I responded “That sounds great, we could have the honeymoon we never had a chance to”. Then she replied “I’m going by myself…I don’t want you going.” This of course hurt me a bit… I was lost. Here I was…stressed out, depressed, worried about money and our relationship and she wanted nothing to do with me.
She started doing more and more during the week to avoid ever having to see me, going to more classes, kung fu, acting classes, gymnastics, etc…
I tried again to express what was going on with me, was told I am an anti-social, procrastinator who is not living and not enjoying their life… So I tried changing, tried making friends… sold my sports car and bought a GSXR motorcycle to add some excitement… to no avail.
A month later I was laid off from my job of 6 years… I started falling apart. I tried finding myself, what I wanted to do with my life. I needed work, and needed it now… I went out the day after I was laid off searching for another job. I found work and stayed at that job for 3 weeks when I was offered a better position at another shop.
Anyways, I’m rambling… Take a small step back…I found the following out later this year… In the midst of my depression, the tension, the stress…. She finds another guy online, guess where he lives? Scotland…. I now realized where this drive to go to Scotland came from. Shortly after talking to him online for a couple months they started getting “involved” online. She started sending him pictures in her panties etc… at least that is what she admits to. She comes home one day from her kung fu class and asks me if I would ever consider swinging, to which I replied abso****inlutely not. This caused a fight to which I found out about this other guy. Huge fights for about a week over this… I told her to get rid of him, she refused. I told her the only way I would agree to her going to Scotland would be if she promised not to see him… we fought some more… and things kind of settled down. Fast forward a couple miserable months until her trip to Scotland… I told her not to see him, she said ok… then just before getting on her plane she said she didn’t know if she was going to give us a real chance when she got back. A week later she comes home, and guess who she spent the whole week with? Exactly, that guy… She said they didn’t do anything… but I don’t care. I told her NOT to do something, in order for me to get past her indiscretion online and she did it anyways. The last couple months have been fighting constantly about him… to the point I told him to stay the **** away from my wife, which he of course told her and she lost it on me. We tried counseling; on our second visit our counselor told her she exhibits bi-polar disorder. Needless to say telling that to her new independent self, ended our counseling.
So I ended this “thing” between her and this other guy… no need for details.
My wife always told me she wanted to act in Hollywood movies… well with the way we were all our lives, I figured ok… indulge and encourage this dream…she will never get where she wants to be in this industry with her personality so why crush her dream? Well with this new found independence streak, she is putting herself out there and finding work in film. Now she is hell bent in staring in a film that some of her friends are doing over in Scotland. This just happens to involve sex scenes with another guy, who is a new friend of hers.
I’m losing it; I can’t stand the thought of her touching another guy. We get in fights about her “career” because I don’t agree with the intimate scenes. How am I supposed to trust her knowing her already started messing around with someone else? How am I supposed to trust her when she didn’t respect me enough to stay away from this guy on her trip? I can’t stand this… I don’t feel loved, I don’t feel respected… I feel she came back because she ran out of money and is just using me to save up money until she can get back over there.
Advice?
