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New here, looking for some advice. I know this is long winded and kind of scatterbrained, please bear with me and feel free to ask anything.
Where to begin….
I have known my wife for 14 years, grew up together from junior high in a same group of friends. We have been together for 7 years this last June. We dated long distance for a year, with me driving to see her about every other weekend. Then I moved up here to be with her, we lived together for a year then I proposed. We were engaged for a year and now have been married for over 4 years. We were so much alike… We were both quiet, reserved but fun, loved staying home together hanging out, playing video games, doing things together and enjoying our life.
We ended up building/buying a new home shortly after we got married… it was our honeymoon so to speak. Shortly after we moved into our new home things started changing, she started wanting to be more social and try new things. She went out and joined a kungfu class, wanted me to join with her but I couldn’t due to my work schedule. This was the beginning…the virus that started changing the woman I fell in love with into this social butterfly that got this arrogant independent streak. Up to that point she had always made me feel wanted, needed… depended on. Now I am nothing.
Problems really started to flare up about a year ago. I was dealing with a bunch of **** at my work that was depressing and stressing me out. For a while I tried to vent and talk about my day, almost instantly I was met with this new found “personality” of hers and was told “If you don’t ****ing like something about your life then get off your ass and change it.” Needless to say, after being told this I shut down… I quit expressing myself or telling her about my day, because it was the same old ****. I found myself in a place where I couldn’t change anything…huge mortgage (purchased home right before the market crashed) thousands in credit card debt, etc… I believed change wasn’t an option. Gradually from there we started drifting apart. One day she comes home and says “Hey, I really want to go to Scotland…” to which I responded “That sounds great, we could have the honeymoon we never had a chance to”. Then she replied “I’m going by myself…I don’t want you going.” This of course hurt me a bit… I was lost. Here I was…stressed out, depressed, worried about money and our relationship and she wanted nothing to do with me.
She started doing more and more during the week to avoid ever having to see me, going to more classes, kung fu, acting classes, gymnastics, etc…
I tried again to express what was going on with me, was told I am an anti-social, procrastinator who is not living and not enjoying their life… So I tried changing, tried making friends… sold my sports car and bought a GSXR motorcycle to add some excitement… to no avail.
A month later I was laid off from my job of 6 years… I started falling apart. I tried finding myself, what I wanted to do with my life. I needed work, and needed it now… I went out the day after I was laid off searching for another job. I found work and stayed at that job for 3 weeks when I was offered a better position at another shop.
Anyways, I’m rambling… Take a small step back…I found the following out later this year… In the midst of my depression, the tension, the stress…. She finds another guy online, guess where he lives? Scotland…. I now realized where this drive to go to Scotland came from. Shortly after talking to him online for a couple months they started getting “involved” online. She started sending him pictures in her panties etc… at least that is what she admits to. She comes home one day from her kung fu class and asks me if I would ever consider swinging, to which I replied abso****inlutely not. This caused a fight to which I found out about this other guy. Huge fights for about a week over this… I told her to get rid of him, she refused. I told her the only way I would agree to her going to Scotland would be if she promised not to see him… we fought some more… and things kind of settled down. Fast forward a couple miserable months until her trip to Scotland… I told her not to see him, she said ok… then just before getting on her plane she said she didn’t know if she was going to give us a real chance when she got back. A week later she comes home, and guess who she spent the whole week with? Exactly, that guy… She said they didn’t do anything… but I don’t care. I told her NOT to do something, in order for me to get past her indiscretion online and she did it anyways. The last couple months have been fighting constantly about him… to the point I told him to stay the **** away from my wife, which he of course told her and she lost it on me. We tried counseling; on our second visit our counselor told her she exhibits bi-polar disorder. Needless to say telling that to her new independent self, ended our counseling.
So I ended this “thing” between her and this other guy… no need for details.
My wife always told me she wanted to act in Hollywood movies… well with the way we were all our lives, I figured ok… indulge and encourage this dream…she will never get where she wants to be in this industry with her personality so why crush her dream? Well with this new found independence streak, she is putting herself out there and finding work in film. Now she is hell bent in staring in a film that some of her friends are doing over in Scotland. This just happens to involve sex scenes with another guy, who is a new friend of hers.
I’m losing it; I can’t stand the thought of her touching another guy. We get in fights about her “career” because I don’t agree with the intimate scenes. How am I supposed to trust her knowing her already started messing around with someone else? How am I supposed to trust her when she didn’t respect me enough to stay away from this guy on her trip? I can’t stand this… I don’t feel loved, I don’t feel respected… I feel she came back because she ran out of money and is just using me to save up money until she can get back over there.

Advice?
 

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You're in the wrong forum - you should repost this over in coping with infidelity.

You're wife has been cheating on you for a long time now. She basically went to scotland to have a sex vacation with her BF, and you not only let her go, you let her come back without any consequences.

She doesn't have a problem with having sex scenes with her having sex with a guy on camera because she's obviously been having sex with other men for a while now,quite possibly on camera as well.

She's swinging and living in a one sided open marriage, The one who isn't is you.

I'm not being "alarmist", since it's pretty darn obvious that she's been cheating on you.

I mean come on, she went to scotland to be with her BF, there is no way in hell that they didn't have sex the entire time she was there.
 

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Oh, if my wife told me she was going on a trip, and that I wasn't invited the divorce papers would be on the table before she left for the trip.

If in addition to her going alone, I found she had been having an online affair and was going to meet the guy, her clothes would be donated to goodwill, the locks would be changed, and her cheating would be exposed to friends, family, and the world.

She's totally got your number, she's cheated on you, she's swinging alone, and now she wants to be filmed having sex (aka make an "artsy" porno)
 

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She comes home one day from her kung fu class and asks me if I would ever consider swinging,
Game over.

She has moved on in every way she can. My guess is you are pretty much a walking paycheck at this point.

I doubt she particularly cares at all about you at this point. Care for yourself and put this corpse of a marriage in a long overdue grave.
 

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Dude... turn out the lights, the party's over!
This is not a marriage, this is a cuckold story waiting to happen!
You need to kick this woman to the curb...seriously!
If I was you I would RUN like hell to get away from this lady!
Your wife has completely punked you!
Do yourself a favor and save yourself some heartache and get out of this relationship
while you still have some slither of your manhood left.
 

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Your wife was f*cking atleast 2 other guys..Blunt enough ?

Check her phone records. get a keylogger on the home computer..

She was sexting and cybering him from your home and they later met and f*cked..

You might need to snoop to find the full extent of her betrayal..

She cuckolded you..Get tested for STDs..The nightmare just started..

If you don't have kids, get out..
 

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I feel she came back because she ran out of money and is just using me to save up money until she can get back over there.
Look at your own post..Read it gaian. That was the whole theme of this relationship.You went to meet her regularly. You moved to her place to get together. You were the one working your ass off. You were the none sponsoring her lazy cheating ass to take trips to cheat on you..You were the one always giving and she is the one taking..Dump her sorry ass. tell her parents and your friends on why you are divorcing her..
 

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Listen to Shaggy, Warlock, Dedicated Dad etc., she is treating you as the ATM and you are going along with it. GET OUT.

She has probably had sex with these others guys and it is probably not protected you are at Risk of an STD. Quit having Sex with her if you are and get Tested.

She has checked out of this marriage a long time ago and is using you as her Backup Plan/Support for her to have her life.

Expose her to her family, your family.

Seperate your finances
Do not leave the House
Get an Attorney and file for Divorce

Your marriage is/has been over.

Realize that and start dealing with it because otherwise, you will be in for a bigger load of hurt.
 

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" I feel she came back because she ran out of money and is just using me to save up money until she can get back over there"

DING! DING! DING!

Correct Answer! You are the bank! She only comes to you when funds are needed! You are the back-up plan. She slept with one guy for a week and now wants to do soft core porn with others

She's lost her mind! Divorce this train wreck NOW!

Sorry, I know this isn't the type of advice you really want. You want someone to tell you how to get back the woman you married but what you have to realize is that she is long gone and will never return
 
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