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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do you react when you know someone is lying just to get credit? It sickens me to the core. This is a post my sister left on Facebook:

this is what Christmas is about. Not buying sh!tty gifts for people who don't need it. It's for people who don't have anything, who actually need food, shelter, and clothes. And not to forget the beautiful animals who have nobody to love them! I am proud to have a family that does so much for others when they need it

Okay friends, some of you may read that and think she is a great person and what she says is wonderful and true. Yes, what she says is wonderful and true BUT NOT TO HER. She is getting more and more out of reach.

My family does nothing for others. They are abusive soul suckers and she used to know this. Suddenly she is praising her upbringing.

I don't know how to react to this change in her view point. When I had a hard time with depression recently, she sent me a note via Facebook saying I was weak and a disappointment to her. Since then, she has cut me out of her life. She is behaving more and more like my narcissistic father every day. Her posts on Facebook are becoming more like sermons for her followers. She brags and lies and people who don't know her praise her. I need to let go, she is a full grown woman of 33 now but it's so hard. It feels like someone died.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I have been doing tons of research on narcissism because of my father, but now my sister is behaving like this. They love to be praised and worshiped. When I went up against her, she threw me away like I was old garbage.

God, I am DREADING xmas.
 

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One of the hardest things to do in life is let people you love make their own mistakes. And let people be "fooled" by those you know are phony. Free will. Your power is in knowing the truth, and knowing right from wrong.

They don't care what kind of attention they get. Sometimes, they are even trying to "draw you out". Don't fall for the sh!t test.

Your actions speak so loudly I can't hear what you are saying.
I just love that saying.

I started my own Christmas traditions. Christmas became a wonderful, peaceful holiday. Because I only spend it with people whose actions show me they love me.

Not showing up for Christmas would be an action that don't support her behavior.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
You guys are so right. My mother is back on the "denial railroad" and buying into my sister's great behavior even though she knows it is a lie. Since I spoke up about the falseness, they are really not speaking to me. I cancelled xmas last year because of this crap, now here we go again a year later.

I stopped answering my phone when my family called because they have been trying to get me back so to speak. Plus, I had a phone plan with very few minutes. I mentioned this to my mother and she said she would get me a phone and pay for the monthly fee (only to get me to answer my phone). I agreed offhandedly, not taking her serious. NOW, she keeps sending me angry emails about when I am going to come to her house and get my new phone. That she is sick of paying the monthly rate when I am not using it. <<slaps self in head>> I should have known better.

I am so tired of being manipulated and guilt tripped. I am 45, how can they still make me feel like I am 5?

With my new knowledge also years of therapy, I have become an outcast in my own family. I don't like the way it feels, however, to get back into their good graces, I must do away with my feelings and be someone I am not. I can't go back to that, I just can't!

My stomach hurts.
 

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Some people should not be allowed access to email.
My adopted mother is one of them. Big show of buying me something, doing something nice for me, then two months later a horrible nasty email about how much it cost her and how ungrateful I am, on and on.

Eventually, I used it "against" her. She got a nasty email from me 3 years ago. "Stop contacting me or I will file charges".

I know it seems very harsh to cut out family. But truthfully, since I cut out my adopted parents, I've never been happier. Or felt more sane.

Keep in mind that "she" has some baggage that requires therapy. If she ever decides to deal with her issues, I would gladly, happily, do whatever I could to help her. Until then, she's a danger to my mental health. And that affects me physically. I'll be dead before she gets help.

You should never feel guilty for following your own path. Being true to yourself. Sometimes that means cutting out the "bad". Because it's holding you back from being the person you are meant to be.

That's how I feel about it, anyways. Choose carefully, but don't regret your choices.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Great response deejov! I am impressed and by your words I can see you know exactly what I am going through. Same boat here. Father and sister narcissists My mother is just concerned with everyone getting along at the cost of our feelings. She and I have had it out over email many times. People get more brave via email. Be brave in person! I can handle it, can you? Cowards.

I have decided to cancel xmas again this year. I noticed that I have been more sick to my stomach this week, dreading going over there. My sister was my touchstone, partner in crime, and we were one. Now, she has changed so drastically, I don't know nor like who she is.

Their bubble of happiness is going to explode on them because they are acting like a Norman Rockwell painting. I still love them and will be there if they ever need me, but I have decided to cultivate my close friendships. I am lucky to have some really good friends, life long type friends. Lately I have been withdrawing from everyone, including my friends and they are worried about me because I am pulling away from them too.

When you described what your mother did about calling you ungrateful, I just laughed and shook my head. THIS IS MY LIFE. My father is still guilt tripping us kids that he had to sell his gun collection back in the 70's so we would have xmas presents!

My father does grand gestures of gifts all the time. It is the only way he shows love but the strings that are attached are too many to count.

To quote the movie Airplane: LOOKS LIKE I PICKED THE WRONG WEEK TO QUIT SNIFFING GLUE.
 

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How do you react when you know someone is lying just to get credit? It sickens me to the core. This is a post my sister left on Facebook:

this is what Christmas is about. Not buying sh!tty gifts for people who don't need it. It's for people who don't have anything, who actually need food, shelter, and clothes. And not to forget the beautiful animals who have nobody to love them! I am proud to have a family that does so much for others when they need it

Okay friends, some of you may read that and think she is a great person and what she says is wonderful and true. Yes, what she says is wonderful and true BUT NOT TO HER. She is getting more and more out of reach.

My family does nothing for others. They are abusive soul suckers and she used to know this. Suddenly she is praising her upbringing.

I don't know how to react to this change in her view point. When I had a hard time with depression recently, she sent me a note via Facebook saying I was weak and a disappointment to her. Since then, she has cut me out of her life. She is behaving more and more like my narcissistic father every day. Her posts on Facebook are becoming more like sermons for her followers. She brags and lies and people who don't know her praise her. I need to let go, she is a full grown woman of 33 now but it's so hard. It feels like someone died.

Your sister is an approval addict...

“If you are an approval addict, your behaviour is as easy to control as that of any other junkie. All a manipulator need do is a simple two-step process: Give you what you crave, and then threaten to take it away. Every drug dealer in the world plays this game.”
― Harriet B. Braiker, Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
STEP ONE COMPLETE. I have notified my mother I will not be attending the family xmas this year again and I told her why. That I want to punch my sister in the face ;)

She kept saying "do this for ME" and I'm like, I have been doing things for YOUR feelings since I was little. What about my feelings? Yes, I typed that to her. This conversation took place via email AGAIN.

However, they all complain that they miss me and they love me. But they never come over, even when I invite them. It's strangely one-sided. My mother said she wants to hug me. I told her YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE, COME HUG ME!!! Sheesh.

I told her I would feel too uncomfortable around my sister this year and told my mother why. She acted surprised, but she and my sister gossip like old ladies, so my mother knows what's going on. Funny how my parents know my sister is a habitual liar, we even joke about it, but when my sis says something about ME to them, THEY BELIEVE HER. meh

Instead of fighting and trying to convince her of "my feelings" I just told her that I would like to extend an invitation to her and my father to come over before they go to my brother's house, so we can see each other and exchange gifts. I think that is a great compromise. Let's see if they do it. I haven't heard from any of them today. Dare I hope I am disowned again? :eek:

In the scheme of things, this is such tiny crap. Why do I still let them get to me? Man, my parents should train seeing eye dogs or something. They trained me so well to fear them and do what makes them happy, I am consumed with fear that they will be mad at me. I can talk tough, but deep down inside I am still that little girl looking for approval and I fail every time. There is literally a war going on in my head.

I am glad I can come here and vent. Thanks to everyone for giving a crap. <<kisses>>
 
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