[Sestina]

I'm new here, hi! Just one week to the day past D-Day. My WS is out of town and I'm doing all the "right" things to take care of myself and my two little kids (STI testing, IC, MC, anti-anxiety meds, self care, etc.). I am just now starting to come back into my body a little bit.

Being a sort of academic person, when something like this happens I try really hard to understand it and to figure out the best way to move forward. Having HUGE urges for HB when WS returns from his trip and am more than a little nervous about the wisdom of giving into it because I'm sure it will be super triggering. So, does anyone know of any *academic* articles about HB? I keep just finding forum posts, which are helpful, but.

I'm also wondering if anyone here read any particularly great books about recovery. We plan to try to R, so I'm just really looking for all the resources I can find.

I know everyone probably thinks this, but the A was so uncharacteristic of my WS. I'm still in the denial/anger phases and I know that could last a while. I just can't believe I keep being alive. So thankful for this resource!

 

[the guy]

After The Affair by Janis A Springs

 

[Hope1964]

Nothing specifically about HB, but some of these books do touch on it a bit.

Love Busters, His Needs Her Needs and the companion workbook 5 Steps to Romantic Love
"Dr. Harley helps couples understand why their best intentions are not enough to prevent marital incompatibility. in Love Busters, he helps couples avoid losing romantic love by recognizing and overcoming thoughtless and selfish habits. Couples must do more than want to meet each other's needs--they must actually meet them! The right needs are so strong that when they're not met in marriage, people are tempted to go outside marriage to satisfy them. But aside of the risk of affair, important emotional needs should be met for the sake of care itself. Marriage is a very special relationship. Dr. Harley describes the ten emotional needs of men and women. He helps you identify which are the most important to you and your spouse, helps you communicate them to each other, and helps you learn to meet them."

Not Just Friends
"NOT "Just Friends" is the first book to shatter popular assumptions about infidelity, including: a happy marriage is insurance against infidelity; the betrayed partner must have ignored obvious clues; and the unfaithful partner was compensating for emotional or sexual deprivation in the marriage......Dr. Glass's scientific approach to infidelity is unique in its treatment of the betrayed partner's shock as a trauma. She helps couples cope with post-traumatic reactions and recover from the emotional roller coaster that follows deception, suspiciousness, and the shock of revelation."

Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder
"The phrase "broken heart" belies the real trauma behind the all-too-common occurrence of infidelity. Psychologist Dennis Ortman likens the psychological aftermath of sexual betrayal to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in its origin and symptoms, including anxiety, irritability, rage, emotional numbing, and flashbacks. Using PTSD treatment as a model, Dr. Ortman will show you, step by step, how to:
• work through conflicting emotions
• Understand yourself and your partner
• Make important life decisions
Dr. Ortman sees recovery as a spiritual journey and draws on the wisdom of diverse faiths, from Christianity to Buddhism. He also offers exercises to deepen recovery, such as guided meditations and journaling, and explores heart-wrenchingly familiar case studies of couples struggling with monogamy. By the end of this book, you will have completed the six stages of healing and emerged with a whole heart, a full spirit, and the freedom to love again."

This one could also help pretty much any betrayed spouse, not just those whose husbands are sex addicts. Substitute the words I have in bold and it applies - it really is quite good

Your Sexually Addicted Spouse
"Sexual addictions [Infidelity] and compulsive sexual behavior are growing societal problems, with as many as three to six percent of the world population affected. Your Sexually Addicted Partner shatters the stigma and shame that millions of men and women carry when their partners are sexually addicted [cheat]. They receive little empathy for their pain, which means they suffer alone, often shocked and isolated by the trauma. Barbara Steffens' groundbreaking new research shows that partners are not codependents but post-traumatic stress victims, while Marsha Means' personal experience provides insights, strategies, and critical steps to recognize, deal with, and heal partners of sexually addicted relationships [cheaters]. Firsthand accounts and stories reveal the impact of this addiction on survivors' lives."