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Abusive Relationships

2K views 13 replies 9 participants last post by  doella1965 
#1 ·
Many have differing views when it comes to abuse that may / may not exist in a relationship. In my experience, working with many who have had MH issues, both men & women view an abusive relationship quite differently, i.e., whether it is a relationship with a spouse, significant other, children, etc., physical, verbal, emotional. I would be interested in truly knowing how others on this forum interpret an "abusive" relationship and welcome the input. Thank you!
 
#7 ·
Agree. But I think the purpose of abuse is often to control the other spouse, either out of fear of abandonment or in order to avoid accountability in the r/s.

I'm sure there are straight up sadists out there, who simply like to abuse others, but I think (I assume) most abusers use the abuse as a means to an end.

My XW had a friend who was abusive toward her husband - mentally, emotionally, and straight up physically - and told my XW her goal was to destroy him so that he was afraid to cheat on her or leave her. That blew my mind at the time

They stayed over our house once, and every morning, we'd hear a lot of screaming from their room, and he would come out with scratches on his face, like nothing had happened.

Sick people.
 
#4 ·
I believe abusive relationships are when one person is willing to use any method (from physically bullying to manipulative crying) to have power over the other person, and to invalidate them and their feelings and perspective of the situation/relationship in order to maintain that power balance in their favor.
 
#5 · (Edited)
Physical: pushing, slapping, getting into someone's face while yelling, shaking a fist in someone's face.

Emotional: gaslighting, rewriting history, minimizing someone else's feelings, making fun of someone else's feelings/perspective

Verbal: name-calling, making dismissive noises when hearing someone else's opinion, derisive statements, passive-aggressive behavior(s) such as the silent treatment (in this case, it's non-verbal)

Financial abuse: withholding money from someone else for basic living expenses, keeping bank accounts a secret

Hey, I could be wrong, but I get the feeling you ARE being abused but are doubting your own perception(s). If I'm wrong, I apologize.
 
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#6 ·
For me abuse was being assaulted while my spouse had an affair w my coworker and having to work with soneone who i was assaulted for who ended up losing her position for being mean to others. It was being assaulted to control for drugs. It was my house being destroyed so i could not sell it so i couldnt leave. It was my debit card being stolen to fund drugs. It was the retirement account being wiped clean in one week for heroin. It was the police departnent refusing to arrest him so he would not withdrawal in jail.
Im in the why did i not matter to snyone and working on self. I had no way out. I have several notebooks of all the numbers i called and that i made 4000 to much for help and not enougg to get out on my own. My credit was destroyed and no apartment would touch me. I have 11 years of photos of abuse. I cant talk to anyone about it without being told to get over it or it being called drama. So i have held it in. The one thing i cant get over was why was i so worthless to everyone i couldnt get help for me and my children.
 
#13 ·
For me abuse was being assaulted while my spouse had an affair w my coworker and having to work with soneone who i was assaulted for who ended up losing her position for being mean to others. It was being assaulted to control for drugs. It was my house being destroyed so i could not sell it so i couldnt leave. It was my debit card being stolen to fund drugs. It was the retirement account being wiped clean in one week for heroin. It was the police departnent refusing to arrest him so he would not withdrawal in jail.
Im in the why did i not matter to snyone and working on self. I had no way out. I have several notebooks of all the numbers i called and that i made 4000 to much for help and not enougg to get out on my own. My credit was destroyed and no apartment would touch me. I have 11 years of photos of abuse. I cant talk to anyone about it without being told to get over it or it being called drama. So i have held it in. The one thing i cant get over was why was i so worthless to everyone i couldnt get help for me and my children.
thank you for your input
 
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