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Abused husband can’t get out – craziness even extends to DW accuses OM of [email protected]

17618 Views 97 Replies 41 Participants Last post by  azteca1986
Background – What you are about to hear will sound like one of those drunken couples on the show COPS, that is not the case. We live in a yuppie neighborhood. One of those couples that hides the problems from everyone outside very closed circle. So let me first give you a high level overview of me/her/us.

About Me (mid 30s, no kids,6’2, in shape):

Personality: I’m docile, a fixer, a peace maker, a pushover, cannot hold a grudge for more than a few minutes, easy to get to say yes, loyal to a fault, don’t get intoxicated, watch my finances.

I have a really good and well paying career. I’m a really good looking guy, but don’t care about that or use it to flirt or meet women (when I was in college, I had a few ONS that left me very empty and depressed – very disappointed with myself). Almost all of the women I have dated, in adulthood, have wanted to marry me. My point is, I have the pick of the litter if I so desire. However, I am a very flawed person and am attracted to the wrong types / longshots. Looks matter little to me, it’s something about the ego trip of being able to “save” someone. The really nice and healthy women I’ve dated – it didn’t feel right to me (too easy? too healthy? doesn’t mirror my abusive childhood? do I deserve her? – still trying to figure that all out. Going back to IC soon).

Don’t get me wrong, all that being said, I’m still a very very flawed person – like all of us.

My current wife (late 20s, no kids, only child, 5’2, petite) has severe mental disorders. Yes, I knew a good deal of this going in, but I thought it would be something I could quickly/easily fix. She has seen many psychiatrists and a too few psychologists. She’s on roughly 8 different hardcore medications (I can’t keep track of them all) and needs to be in intensive therapy… but is not – I am now insisting she starts that. She has not been institutionalized in her adult life (briefly as a teenager). All her issues are very hard to medically diagnose into one clean label. She’s been tagged with bipolar, borderline, attention-deficit, eating disorders, sleep disorders, and has suicidal tendencies, etc.

She is still a highly intelligent functioning adult and is responsible for her actions… she’s not some drooling vegetable or psychopath. She only has a part-time job to offset her excessive “therapeutic” spending binges – I take care of everything.

My tagname is due to this being my second marriage, and second time I am dealing with a DS. I won’t talk too much about my first marriage in this post because the main linkage is probably my inability to pick a healthy mate. I will say, I did everything to save that marriage (most of this on my own as my wife basically abandoned me abruptly after 2 sessions of MC… moved out & left with minimal contact). I read all the books (many referenced on this site), articles, went for pastor counseling, IC, MC (together for 2 weeks, then alone for 9 months after she left), mens retreats, divorce care group, christian support group, and a small mens group in my home. As you can tell, my desired R consumed almost all of my free time – even though the wife had left for an OM. The devastation is unbearable to recall. For those first timers here… I truly weep for you. On the bright side, it somewhat braced me for what is currently unfolding.

On to my current marriage. I’m going to have to kinda bullet point this since it would otherwise take 50+ pages in novel form:

We met when I was shopping; she was an employee working and picked me up (without prompting or even flirting, gave me her number and told me to call her for a date). I was taken by her confidence. From there, it was a whirlwind of dating to marriage ( 8 months from 1st date to married). I was/am her “prince” and her elder parents were very happy that she found me (their savior). She exhibited severe personality swings and outbursts (public and private), but it was progressively getting better and her parents said so as well. So I thought, ok, given enough time and work – I can fix her… it’s already working. My family was very concerned from day 1.

Ok, these things that happened, I feel that they aren’t that crazy because I’m caught up in this world of our relationship – it’s my normal. There’s so much more, but I can’t even recall all the stuff because it’s daily… I’m grateful if the day passes with just minor fighting (success). Well here goes some highlights:

-While wedding registry shopping, her mom and I picked out flatware that we liked, but she didn’t like it… which cause her to scream, shout, and roll (yes roll) on the floor of the busy shop. That was really embarrassing and I warned her that I would leave her if anything like that happened again.

-She ruined our wedding with her outbursts; she was going through a big episode the entire time and causing drama. However, the main trigger started with my pastor (I’m Christian, she’s agnostic) giving our vows and putting a bit too much Jesus in there. She said he insulted her and her non-christian attendees (in fairness, he was just giving a pretty typical wedding message for a pastor/priest).

- Because my pastor “ruined” her wedding (which means I ruined her wedding because I had him officiate), I had to take her to Vegas for a 2nd wedding a few months later – all top of the line (including new dress, suite, photography, etc.).

- I had to extend our honeymoon by several days ($5K and had to call work to get additional time off) because I “ruined” the first part of it. We did not have s6x at all after several days there… so I got into an argument over it. Yes, 5 days after the wedding and we still hadn’t done it. I believe the first 2-3 days were because she was finishing her period, but then 2 days after that we still weren’t, so I got really upset and we argued.

- On the return flight from our honeymoon… we were an inch from being blacklisted from the airline and arrested. On the flight, she got into a fight with a couple in front of us – she was having a huge episode, they became the poor target by annoying her (the woman looked at her weird, FYI another young couple returning from their honeymoon). So she got into a mostly shouting verbal fight, but some slamming of their chair back and forth (they were sitting in front of us). The stewardesses and captain had to get involved (in flight and all the way till we left the plane). The whole cabin of passengers were watching, several of them shouting and getting upset that the situation was bothering them – saying how they would never fly the airline again. One of the male stewardesses (man) was so irate at my wife’s behavior that the other stewardesses (women) had to physically hold him back from her and drag him back to their kitchen area. I explained and pleaded, with everyone, that she has severe mental disorders. I also backed up some of the lies she was saying about the couple. I also did a bit of yelling about their mistreatment of my wife (honestly, I was just trying to fake being irate at the other couple to deflect some of it back at them… really horrible thing to do, I was so desperate and panicked). After they moved our seats (and I quietly scolded my wife), she still couldn’t let it go… so after the plane landed she rushed off the plane after the couple without me (the crew held us both on the plane till everyone got off – purposely). She couldn’t find them till after they were on the shuttle curve with their bags. She grabbed a police officer outside the terminal and started explaining how they assaulted her on the plane. When I finally caught up to her, I begged the 3 police officers (yes they multiply quickly) to just forget the matter. I know those city cops wanted to arrest us something fierce, but I got out of it. She railed on me all the way home in the limousine because I didn’t defend her and stick-up for her – “what kind of husband are you!”. After the limousine driver dropped us off, he privately told me how very sorry he felt for me. I gave him an extra $100 for what he had to endure and because I was mortified. Again, this was a plane trip home from our honeymoon.

- She, indirectly, made me quit my church that I was a member of for 6years. She insisted that everyone there was out to get her and she didn’t want me going there. Although, after D-Day, she agreed to go with me to a different church (I insisted I wanted to go back to attending church). However, my faith is now a tool she is currently using to keep me from divorcing her. If it helps her and us, it actually makes me happy – so whatever.

- She wants me to get tattoos signifying I’m hers. She would especially like one under my wedding band. She hasn’t pushed this too much because she knows tattoos just aren’t my thing (I have no tattoos).

- She, with full force, face punches and slaps me. She once attacked me in front of her Mom, and her mom tried to hold her back and begged her to stop punching me. However, most of this stuff occurs in private. Maybe 30 different incidents of this over our relationship, it’s died down a bit lately (although it happened last night). One night, it was so bad that I had to call my mom over to protect me (because she’s a woman) – huge blowout from that, I “was wrong” for involving my mom.

- When I try to run (literally) away from her when our verbal fighting is intense (because she will escalate into violence very rapidly), she’ll: A) body block me into a corner, B) push me, C) grab me, D) chase me around the house, E) break down doors I’m hiding behind (once with a hammer… that scared the crap out of me, ala The Shining).

- I once tried to escape a fight by sneaking out the back of the house into my car to drive off. She heard my car start and sprinted down the street after my car, while screaming at the top of her lungs. I never tried that again.

-Its safer to for me to sleep in the master bedroom with her, than in the spare alone. Last time I tried to sleep in the spare, she picked the lock at 3am. Luckily I had barricaded the door with an alarm… so it me woke up. She feels safer and more stable, to me, when I sleep next to her. Also, she’ll just harass me till the morning through the door (alarms, noises, banging on the door, shouting through the door, etc). This issue happened again last night. I wanted to sleep in the spare bedroom, but she didn’t want me to. So this time she took my door alarm. I was too tired to be harassed all night, so I caved into sleeping beside her in the bedroom.

- My family fully believes that my life is in imminent danger… that she’ll kill me. She swears that I’m love of her life and she would never harm me in that way. I must confess, I do get scared sometimes when I fall asleep.

- From engagement through today, she emphatically warns me that she’ll kill herself if I ever leave. I have threatened to leave many times, every time she sincerely threatens to kill herself (not some passing remark, but with dramatic tears and crying).

- She is a shopaholic. She racked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt that I am paying off (I cancelled her card, we don’t share any financial accounts).

- She has fully cut me off from my family. I’m not allowed to be with them without her, but she hates them and doesn’t want me seeing them. So, for almost 2 years now, I’ve missed all holidays and birthdays with my mom, brother, sister, nieces, and nephews. Due the estrangement, I wasn’t able to go to my brother’s wedding. My sister bitterly hates my wife’s guts and my wife hates her more. Just recently, I was trying hard to broker a deal to try to reconcile with my family… but my wife wouldn’t go along. My nieces and nephews are growing up fast – it makes me really sad.

Wow, I realized I hadn’t even got to the infidelity, sorry – running out of time. She keeps calling me and asking when I’ll get home, I’ve got to go. To be continued.

35yr Male, No Kids. 2nd marriage 2nd time dealing with disloyal wife. EAs & PAs both times.
1st Marriage: 2002 to 2004. Unfaithful Wife Left. I attempted a full court R, but she left w/ OM.
2nd Marriage: 2010 – present (2yrs). Mentally ill DW. Marriage has been a nightmare for me due to her severe clinical mental illnesses. She wants an R, I’m struggling with that prospect..
2nd Marriage PA D-day Oct 19th 2012. Attempted PAs with 10-15 other men.
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Reserved for when I can get back to finish.


Infidelity –
After writing all that stuff about how she abuses me, I’m kinda drained. Actually writing about the infidelity is a bit easier. My wife is attractive and a good player – her insecurities need constant feeding of male attention. She never had a real relationship before me, maybe that’s why I allowed a few early on EAs to slide – she swore it was just her inexperience with serious relationships.

Most of my wife’s friends, before me, were men… many with benefits. My wife would use them then toss’em… Others she just flirted with and led them on… tease for attention or to get dinner/stuff. Let’s just say, if she had a blackbook, it would contain many pages. I made her toss out all the male contact information when we got engaged.

Ah, but there’s this thing called facebook that allows old forgotten friends to quickly find each other…

What’s confirmed for sure:

-Since the beginning in 2010, light EA’s with highschool crush she’ll reach out to talk to with (FB/texting) from time to time. You know, “that guy that got away.” Caught wind of it and demanded it stop or else. She violated that NC twice afterwards about six months apart. A few brief messages is all I could find, just a “how are you doing, I miss you” stuff.

-Fall of 2011, I caught her s6xting with a young guy who worked outside her store in a kiosk (mall). Really graphic stuff about doing stuff in the parking lot. Not sure if it was a fantasy PA, the initial request for a PA, or a request for seconds on a PA. She sent him picks of her in lingerie. Under the guise of being her, I made him text back nude pics of himself (more for lols, but also to get leverage on the guy) – with my wife watching me do this as punishment. She convinced me it was a brief screw-up and nothing happened. I made her then call it off over the phone (in front of me) then I contacted the guy… he ran for the hills. He took a job at another mall 30 miles away. I told her we were over if it happened again. This sneaking around occurred a few days before, during, and after my birthday. I probably caught it before PA, not sure. It would have gone PA if I hadn’t found out. Why do they always ruin special days???

-winter 2012, I get a private facebook message from some random lady. Turns out, she was ratting on her fiancé about what my wife had been messaging with him (my wife’s blackbook friend). Bless that woman’s soul. For all you BS’rs… yes rat to the other BS. Well, EA and planned PA, but they couldn’t get the trip timing right before the woman found out. My wife swore that it was all talk. PA unlikely due to him living across the country and the messages revealed struggles getting schedules to work. “Ok, now I’m really warning you wife!” (just shouting, so pathetic of me). She swore on her life she’d never do it again.

Thought we were good. Come a month ago (yep around my b-day again), I start noticing the same signals/patterns that lead into this stuff, gosh DS are idiotic in their FOG. I even gave her some general advice to make the right choices in life. She knows what I meant, I know what I meant.

I’m at work a few weeks ago with an overwhelming need to go home and snoop. Completely out of the blue and unlike me (hadn’t poked around at all in 7 months). The 6th sense that a BS has sometimes has. Wife has a 5-10pm shift, so I’m good to do a little FB snooping. BAM!

She was on her iphone using fb at work while I was home on the ipad… I was watching realtime messages of her asking for the OM for SECONDS that day. Yes, she went earlier that day to his place to commit the PA for the first time with him, and did so. Then she wanted for the same OM (who was a mutual friend that I treat very well, but didn’t trust) to come to her work for a second round. All sorts of dirty talk about what had happened transpired and watch she still wanted to do… I watched the messages going back and forth live. She even shot off a FB note to another OM bragging that she finally did the deed.

When that subsided (I guess she had to do some actual work), I went through the rest of her messages. 8 new guys and thousands of messages. 8 guys she had been trolling with for PAs – all of them were from her mental blackbook. One of them she had over to our house a few days earlier because he was supposed to fix something (she even asked me if it was ok). Another she went out on a date with after work. I’m unsure what happened in both instances. It was kinda pathetic how templated her trolls/conversations where… what a lazy cheater. It was pathetically funny & sad.

So I call her parents to come over and sit with me while we wait for her to get off her shift. I know she is violent and also suicidal, so I needed them there to 1) protect me 2) protect her from herself 3) be witnesses if the police were needed (and they were).

I told her I have a surprise for her, so “please come straight home from work”. Nope, she needed to have coffee with her “girlfriend” who was going through “stuff”. Hahaha… meanwhile I see her FB message a different guy (local ex boyfriend) about meeting up. They did. She didn’t get home till after midnight, which she has never done before. Meanwhile her parents and I know everything and are just waiting for her to “finish up” with OM2 and come home. She swears they just talked, but if they PA’d, he got sloppy seconds.

Ok, so she walks in the door after midnight asking what her surprise is that I promised… also confused why her parent’s car is in the driveway (they live several hours away).

I asked her what she did, boom BS lies. I have none of it. With desperation in her eyes she starts crying (fake) and saying how she was [email protected] That holds no water with me (obviously she wasn’t, asking for seconds at work and going on and on with the OM in graphic detail over messages afterwards). My wife has no shame and keeps to the lie. I say we better report this to the police, she says no it was “kinda” was her fault that it happened… but she was definitely [email protected]!?

She loses it and has a full blown mental episode. She threatens to kill herself if I leave and agrees that she needs to go to the ER suicide watch and probably be committed. So I call the suicide hotline and explain what’s happening, they said they were sending the police. I then asked my wife, testing her, whether we should also report the [email protected] to the police when they arrive. She weakly says yes, believing I’m bluffing about telling them that (makes no sense). While the police are enroute, I call the OM and tell him he’s about to get arrested for [email protected] He does not hesitate coming completely clean about every major detail… which aligned with all the times and messages I had seen (they did not know I had this information). He was very apologetic to me and kissing my ass – he knows my wife is mentally ill and potentially could take the lie all the way. A few mins. later 6 state troopers arrive at the door (2 females).

Of course, initially they look at me like I did something (wife was wailing). But I was calm, compassionate, logical, had witnesses, and my wife did not try to pull any funny business… so they quickly assessed and realized this was 100% all about my wife… I hadn’t done anything to her.

So I had to take one of the troopers to the side and tell him about the accusation of [email protected] I told him I didn’t believe it for a second because of the evidence I had, this guy did nothing wrong (NOBODY deserves to be falsely accused of a crime, especially that. My wife hurts true victims of s6xual assault with those false statements). Of course the law is the law, so the now the 6 troopers have to go through the procedures of a reported s6xual assault. However, they don’t believe it either for a second and my wife must have told something to the female trooper that made them not pursue it further.

We checked her in at the ER for suicide watch. She still had to get a s6xual assault medical check. She was released the following day.

Since then, life has been a greater hell. I had my wife delete (not suspend, full deletion) her FB account. Delete all male contacts in her address book. She has since ceased all contact with OMs – it was easier for her because it was more physical, not really romantic EAs.

She has been begging to stay with me. Telling me I have to try. Threatening suicide. Telling me nobody will love me like she will. We were meant to be together no matter what. Not allowing me to sleep in the spare bedroom.

Well, seems like a no brainer… why don’t I go straight to divorce?

I can’t describe it, but I think I still love her. (I’m not “in love”, but companion type love). I pity her, some of this is just mental disorders.

She constantly tells me that nobody else will love me like she does. That we were meant to be together for life, there’s no other option. My brain tells me I’m going through some sort of battered wife syndrome, but I’m paralyzed from leaving. I now understand why abused wives stay when everyone tells them to run to a shelter. My wife will find me. She will stalk me. She will harm me. She will destroy our home if I leave. She will try to ruin my career. She will falsely accuse me of anything in order to threaten me to return or be vindictive. She will attempt suicide to either kill herself or get attention.

Other thoughts that anchor me in the marriage –
-I feel so ashamed, it’s indescribable. I don’t want anybody to know, especially co-workers.
-The prospects of going through a divorce with someone like this scare me.
-Failing for a 2nd time at marriage. I feel like an utter failure
-Not following my faith – not taking on the challenge, giving up too easily
-I just spent all my money buying and upgraded a brand new home (living here for just a year).
-her parents are begging me to stay (they understand if I don’t), but they are heartbroken

So why am I here writing all this stuff? Honestly I’m just so confused and really messed up. Wow, I am in shock over what I just wrote – I can’t believe this is me, this is my life. What kind of person am I to go along with this? This can’t be real. I need some advice until I can get the courage to make a choice.

I have a coworker just ask me why I’m here late the night before Thanksgiving… she doesn’t know that this is the only time I can write this… she doesn’t know that I, a person she has known for 8 years sitting next to her, has this crazy homelife… she also doesn’t know that I’m crying right now on the other side of the partition. I have to get out of here.
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:O Ok. So I'm guessing these are some of the highlights of the worst times, although not necessarily a representation of how it is all the time.

Sounds like you are getting hit a lot. Probably in the same places of your home. I'd get some kind of hidden camera to capture that, or some of her other psychotic behaviour.

Your next step will be to involve the police. They will make sure she gets the help she needs.

Yes, SHE needs help. Not YOU. You can't help her. You need to understand this. You are ok, well-adjusted, yada. IT is SHE that is the danger, to you, and yourself, and to others around you.
That was just the intro to a 2 year old marriage theoretically in the "honeymoon phase"? RUN!!!! Fake your death or whatever. Hell, convince her you are really a ghost. Just get away without getting you or family members killed in the process.
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Leave while she is at work. Have an officer present in case she is tipped off. Live with someone she's never met or somewhere she cant find you. I understand that you love her, but no one deserves to be abused. It is NOT your responsibility to keep her alive. If she chooses to kill herself it is entirely on her. The infidelity although painful, is irrelevant. There is no fixing this. She needs more help than you can offer. Protect yourself.
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Leave while she is at work. Have an officer present in case she is tipped off. Live with someone she's never met or somewhere she cant find you. I understand that you love her, but no one deserves to be abused. It is NOT your responsibility to keep her alive. If she chooses to kill herself it is entirely on her. The infidelity although painful, is irrelevant. There is no fixing this. She needs more help than you can offer. Protect yourself.
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This plus once you leave, call her (record the call) and explain that you're leaving and filing for divorce. If she threatens your or suicide, call the authorities and explain that she has threatened to kill herself. They'll pick her up as a 5150 (danger to self and others) and keep her on a 72 hour hold. Cut off all contact, file for divorce.
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Forget about the infidelity. No need to tell me about that after what you have already said about her behavior.

Divorce now! This is not a marriage - it is a hostage situation and you are the hostage.

Protect yourself. Do not worry about her, she is a controlling nut job.
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What on earth drew you to this woman other than her need to be "helped"? Good lord, if you feel a need to help distressed women, open a damn counseling center or shelter...don't bring them into your personal life!

No amount of medication or counseling will turn this woman into a stable person. She's nuttier than squirrel chit.

Just leave. You owe her nothing. She was like this before you, and she'll continue to be so long after you're gone. If you stay, you're going to bring kids into this psycho's world, and they'll be severely damaged.

You're going to wind up with a blood soaked towel where your penis used to be while the paramedics try to dig your junk out of the garbage disposal.

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I think if we don't hear from Rodeo we all can figure what happened!

I know better now a days, but back in the day I would have beat the phsyco out of her. Sorry man but this kind of women can bring out the worst in any man.

Maybe you should go get some bondage gear and tie her up at night.

Why do you stay?
This story is absurd.

You're guilty of impersonating a grown man, and she's innocent by means of insanity. I can fix this for you: leave!

You two have both been overindulged, over-diagnosed and over-coddled.

Toss out the counselors, doctors, retreats, religion, none of it's working for you.

You two need a big dose of real world. Go work for the Red Cross in a third world country, or join the Army, something, you're perspective on how life works is completely skewed, you're thinking needs a complete realignment.

I'm not kidding.

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All I can say, without thoroughly insulting your wife is this:

If (God forbid) something should happen to your family and you have had no contact with, do you want your last memory or conversation with them to be about how much they hate your wife, or the birthday or Christmas you missed. What if something happened to you???

Your wife is SERIOUSLY unstable, violent, controlling, manipulative, childish, malicious, and regardless of her mental instability she CHEATED, that was 100% her choice. Even if all past abuse and behavior could be waved away by her craziness, infidelity is a CHOICE.
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I've added my second post below the first. Thank you. I don't have anymore time to talk right now. I will try to reply later.
You need to have yourself evaluated. That you're not running like Forest Gump means you are also mentally ill, especially loving someone with multiple affair partners per day.

No chance for a family with her, she can't be trusted around anyone defensless.
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I can't imagine your pain and fear and the ache if pity of compassion, I can to a degree bit your wife is over the top.

If you have to run away........and you have to. You can't save her, she can't love and respect and cherish you as a wife.
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Your wife is mentally ill.

If you really loved her like you say you would check her into a mental hospital and you would divorce her.

There can be no future in a marriage were only one person will be faithful, and your wife has NO intention on being faithful. She's mentally unhinged and is the very definition of "danger to herself and others" she should not be working, she should not be out and about. She should be in the care and treatment of mental professionals.

You should be divorced. She chose to end you marriage vows with at least one other man, and was proud of it.

Check her into a hospital, with mental heath professionals, file for divorce.

you should never have married her.
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And you married her....

Just the rolling on the ground in public would have made me and almost any other man run for the hills already.

File and move on. Stop looking for the fixer uppers. Get one that's well to do and can live on her own without you but wants to be with you for you.
Other thoughts that anchor me in the marriage –
-I feel so ashamed, it’s indescribable. I don’t want anybody to know, especially co-workers.
Your co-workers don’t need to the now complete story. Just come up with one sentence and use that.
I filed for divorce because after marriage I found out that she is into domestic violence and the destruction of property when angry. [/QUOTE]
That’s it. Just keep saying that until you have it down pat.
-The prospects of going through a divorce with someone like this scare me.
Why should divorce scare you? You have not been married long enough to owe her anything but a few assets that you accumulated in your short marriage. Hire an attorney and tell her to leave you alone and only communicate with your attorney.
-Failing for a 2nd time at marriage. I feel like an utter failure
You are not a failure if you learn from your mistake. What is your mistake? You made excuses for her very very bad behavior before marriage.

You married her too soon. Date a person for 1-2 YEARS before marriage. That’s right, you need time to find out what they are like before marriage. When an adult woman throws a tantrum an rolls on the floor is a store because she does not like a flatware pattern.. run away quickly. Dump her. Drop any woman when who misbehaves in this manner.

By the way, why is your MIL picking out your and your wife’s pattern? She overstepped her bounds. And you were not such a ‘good guy’ in allowing this. Sounds like a bad thing all the way around.

You put up with MIL overstepping her bounds. You go with MIL’s choice and not your bride’s choice. Bride rolls on the floor like at toddler in her terrible 2’s… and yet you married her. Yikes..

-Not following my faith – not taking on the challenge, giving up too easily
Please tell us where in your faith it says that marriage includes having to tolerate abuse.

-I just spent all my money buying and upgraded a brand new home (living here for just a year).
You will still have the house. You can live there or sell it.
-her parents are begging me to stay (they understand if I don’t), but they are heartbroken
They were hoping that someone else would take their mentally ill grown child off their hands. Of course they are heart broken. They are going to get her back… unless they grow a spin.

-So why am I here writing all this stuff? Honestly I’m just so confused and really messed up. Wow, I am in shock over what I just wrote – I can’t believe this is me, this is my life. What kind of person am I to go along with this? This can’t be real. I need some advice until I can get the courage to make a choice.
To find the courage to divorce her… keep reading/re-reading your post here.

Tell her leave today. If she cries suicide have her committed on suicide watch. Have her parents pick her up.

If you need someone to give you some back bone get some family and/or friends to stay with you until you break this addiction you have to her.

And stop trying to fix the unfixable.

And get some help for yourself. You have some serious problems
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HERE'S JOHNNIE, redrum-redrum...buddy get your azz out before she kills you. total nutjob.
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It seems to me the only reason you're staying in this prison is because you love her? Love is overrated. Looking at this from a logical standpoint, I'd stand you're as much a lunatic as her for staying in this situation.

If I were in your shoes, I'd would've left ages ago, called her bluff on the suicide, and been with my blood family that really does love me.

And if she isn't bluffing, you aren't losing much. You win either way. The reason you are staying isn't for love, it's fear.

Get out.
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She is seriously abusive and you may well end up dead.

Leave her, she does not care for you at all, probably just your money. (and I would normally not make that accusation).

You deserve better, someone who does not hurt you, lie to you, cheat on you, threaten you with suicide to get her way.

Please please, contact your family and get some support and leave ASAP.

You may think you love her, but I think you are in love with the idea of a good relationship with her, and the glimpses of the fake person she showed you to get you to marry her. She is not that person.
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