Reserved for when I can get back to finish.
UPDATED:
Infidelity –
After writing all that stuff about how she abuses me, I’m kinda drained. Actually writing about the infidelity is a bit easier. My wife is attractive and a good player – her insecurities need constant feeding of male attention. She never had a real relationship before me, maybe that’s why I allowed a few early on EAs to slide – she swore it was just her inexperience with serious relationships.
Most of my wife’s friends, before me, were men… many with benefits. My wife would use them then toss’em… Others she just flirted with and led them on… tease for attention or to get dinner/stuff. Let’s just say, if she had a blackbook, it would contain many pages. I made her toss out all the male contact information when we got engaged.
Ah, but there’s this thing called facebook that allows old forgotten friends to quickly find each other…
What’s confirmed for sure:
-Since the beginning in 2010, light EA’s with highschool crush she’ll reach out to talk to with (FB/texting) from time to time. You know, “that guy that got away.” Caught wind of it and demanded it stop or else. She violated that NC twice afterwards about six months apart. A few brief messages is all I could find, just a “how are you doing, I miss you” stuff.
-Fall of 2011, I caught her s6xting with a young guy who worked outside her store in a kiosk (mall). Really graphic stuff about doing stuff in the parking lot. Not sure if it was a fantasy PA, the initial request for a PA, or a request for seconds on a PA. She sent him picks of her in lingerie. Under the guise of being her, I made him text back nude pics of himself (more for lols, but also to get leverage on the guy) – with my wife watching me do this as punishment. She convinced me it was a brief screw-up and nothing happened. I made her then call it off over the phone (in front of me) then I contacted the guy… he ran for the hills. He took a job at another mall 30 miles away. I told her we were over if it happened again. This sneaking around occurred a few days before, during, and after my birthday. I probably caught it before PA, not sure. It would have gone PA if I hadn’t found out. Why do they always ruin special days???
-winter 2012, I get a private facebook message from some random lady. Turns out, she was ratting on her fiancé about what my wife had been messaging with him (my wife’s blackbook friend). Bless that woman’s soul. For all you BS’rs… yes rat to the other BS. Well, EA and planned PA, but they couldn’t get the trip timing right before the woman found out. My wife swore that it was all talk. PA unlikely due to him living across the country and the messages revealed struggles getting schedules to work. “Ok, now I’m really warning you wife!” (just shouting, so pathetic of me). She swore on her life she’d never do it again.
Thought we were good. Come a month ago (yep around my b-day again), I start noticing the same signals/patterns that lead into this stuff, gosh DS are idiotic in their FOG. I even gave her some general advice to make the right choices in life. She knows what I meant, I know what I meant.
D-Day:
I’m at work a few weeks ago with an overwhelming need to go home and snoop. Completely out of the blue and unlike me (hadn’t poked around at all in 7 months). The 6th sense that a BS has sometimes has. Wife has a 5-10pm shift, so I’m good to do a little FB snooping. BAM!
She was on her iphone using fb at work while I was home on the ipad… I was watching realtime messages of her asking for the OM for SECONDS that day. Yes, she went earlier that day to his place to commit the PA for the first time with him, and did so. Then she wanted for the same OM (who was a mutual friend that I treat very well, but didn’t trust) to come to her work for a second round. All sorts of dirty talk about what had happened transpired and watch she still wanted to do… I watched the messages going back and forth live. She even shot off a FB note to another OM bragging that she finally did the deed.
When that subsided (I guess she had to do some actual work), I went through the rest of her messages. 8 new guys and thousands of messages. 8 guys she had been trolling with for PAs – all of them were from her mental blackbook. One of them she had over to our house a few days earlier because he was supposed to fix something (she even asked me if it was ok). Another she went out on a date with after work. I’m unsure what happened in both instances. It was kinda pathetic how templated her trolls/conversations where… what a lazy cheater. It was pathetically funny & sad.
So I call her parents to come over and sit with me while we wait for her to get off her shift. I know she is violent and also suicidal, so I needed them there to 1) protect me 2) protect her from herself 3) be witnesses if the police were needed (and they were).
I told her I have a surprise for her, so “please come straight home from work”. Nope, she needed to have coffee with her “girlfriend” who was going through “stuff”. Hahaha… meanwhile I see her FB message a different guy (local ex boyfriend) about meeting up. They did. She didn’t get home till after midnight, which she has never done before. Meanwhile her parents and I know everything and are just waiting for her to “finish up” with OM2 and come home. She swears they just talked, but if they PA’d, he got sloppy seconds.
Ok, so she walks in the door after midnight asking what her surprise is that I promised… also confused why her parent’s car is in the driveway (they live several hours away).
I asked her what she did, boom BS lies. I have none of it. With desperation in her eyes she starts crying (fake) and saying how she was [email protected] That holds no water with me (obviously she wasn’t, asking for seconds at work and going on and on with the OM in graphic detail over messages afterwards). My wife has no shame and keeps to the lie. I say we better report this to the police, she says no it was “kinda” was her fault that it happened… but she was definitely [email protected]!?
She loses it and has a full blown mental episode. She threatens to kill herself if I leave and agrees that she needs to go to the ER suicide watch and probably be committed. So I call the suicide hotline and explain what’s happening, they said they were sending the police. I then asked my wife, testing her, whether we should also report the [email protected] to the police when they arrive. She weakly says yes, believing I’m bluffing about telling them that (makes no sense). While the police are enroute, I call the OM and tell him he’s about to get arrested for [email protected] He does not hesitate coming completely clean about every major detail… which aligned with all the times and messages I had seen (they did not know I had this information). He was very apologetic to me and kissing my ass – he knows my wife is mentally ill and potentially could take the lie all the way. A few mins. later 6 state troopers arrive at the door (2 females).
Of course, initially they look at me like I did something (wife was wailing). But I was calm, compassionate, logical, had witnesses, and my wife did not try to pull any funny business… so they quickly assessed and realized this was 100% all about my wife… I hadn’t done anything to her.
So I had to take one of the troopers to the side and tell him about the accusation of [email protected] I told him I didn’t believe it for a second because of the evidence I had, this guy did nothing wrong (NOBODY deserves to be falsely accused of a crime, especially that. My wife hurts true victims of s6xual assault with those false statements). Of course the law is the law, so the now the 6 troopers have to go through the procedures of a reported s6xual assault. However, they don’t believe it either for a second and my wife must have told something to the female trooper that made them not pursue it further.
We checked her in at the ER for suicide watch. She still had to get a s6xual assault medical check. She was released the following day.
Since then, life has been a greater hell. I had my wife delete (not suspend, full deletion) her FB account. Delete all male contacts in her address book. She has since ceased all contact with OMs – it was easier for her because it was more physical, not really romantic EAs.
She has been begging to stay with me. Telling me I have to try. Threatening suicide. Telling me nobody will love me like she will. We were meant to be together no matter what. Not allowing me to sleep in the spare bedroom.
Well, seems like a no brainer… why don’t I go straight to divorce?
I can’t describe it, but I think I still love her. (I’m not “in love”, but companion type love). I pity her, some of this is just mental disorders.
She constantly tells me that nobody else will love me like she does. That we were meant to be together for life, there’s no other option. My brain tells me I’m going through some sort of battered wife syndrome, but I’m paralyzed from leaving. I now understand why abused wives stay when everyone tells them to run to a shelter. My wife will find me. She will stalk me. She will harm me. She will destroy our home if I leave. She will try to ruin my career. She will falsely accuse me of anything in order to threaten me to return or be vindictive. She will attempt suicide to either kill herself or get attention.
Other thoughts that anchor me in the marriage –
-I feel so ashamed, it’s indescribable. I don’t want anybody to know, especially co-workers.
-The prospects of going through a divorce with someone like this scare me.
-Failing for a 2nd time at marriage. I feel like an utter failure
-Not following my faith – not taking on the challenge, giving up too easily
-I just spent all my money buying and upgraded a brand new home (living here for just a year).
-guilt
-her parents are begging me to stay (they understand if I don’t), but they are heartbroken
So why am I here writing all this stuff? Honestly I’m just so confused and really messed up. Wow, I am in shock over what I just wrote – I can’t believe this is me, this is my life. What kind of person am I to go along with this? This can’t be real. I need some advice until I can get the courage to make a choice.
I have a coworker just ask me why I’m here late the night before Thanksgiving… she doesn’t know that this is the only time I can write this… she doesn’t know that I, a person she has known for 8 years sitting next to her, has this crazy homelife… she also doesn’t know that I’m crying right now on the other side of the partition. I have to get out of here.
UPDATED:
Infidelity –
After writing all that stuff about how she abuses me, I’m kinda drained. Actually writing about the infidelity is a bit easier. My wife is attractive and a good player – her insecurities need constant feeding of male attention. She never had a real relationship before me, maybe that’s why I allowed a few early on EAs to slide – she swore it was just her inexperience with serious relationships.
Most of my wife’s friends, before me, were men… many with benefits. My wife would use them then toss’em… Others she just flirted with and led them on… tease for attention or to get dinner/stuff. Let’s just say, if she had a blackbook, it would contain many pages. I made her toss out all the male contact information when we got engaged.
Ah, but there’s this thing called facebook that allows old forgotten friends to quickly find each other…
What’s confirmed for sure:
-Since the beginning in 2010, light EA’s with highschool crush she’ll reach out to talk to with (FB/texting) from time to time. You know, “that guy that got away.” Caught wind of it and demanded it stop or else. She violated that NC twice afterwards about six months apart. A few brief messages is all I could find, just a “how are you doing, I miss you” stuff.
-Fall of 2011, I caught her s6xting with a young guy who worked outside her store in a kiosk (mall). Really graphic stuff about doing stuff in the parking lot. Not sure if it was a fantasy PA, the initial request for a PA, or a request for seconds on a PA. She sent him picks of her in lingerie. Under the guise of being her, I made him text back nude pics of himself (more for lols, but also to get leverage on the guy) – with my wife watching me do this as punishment. She convinced me it was a brief screw-up and nothing happened. I made her then call it off over the phone (in front of me) then I contacted the guy… he ran for the hills. He took a job at another mall 30 miles away. I told her we were over if it happened again. This sneaking around occurred a few days before, during, and after my birthday. I probably caught it before PA, not sure. It would have gone PA if I hadn’t found out. Why do they always ruin special days???
-winter 2012, I get a private facebook message from some random lady. Turns out, she was ratting on her fiancé about what my wife had been messaging with him (my wife’s blackbook friend). Bless that woman’s soul. For all you BS’rs… yes rat to the other BS. Well, EA and planned PA, but they couldn’t get the trip timing right before the woman found out. My wife swore that it was all talk. PA unlikely due to him living across the country and the messages revealed struggles getting schedules to work. “Ok, now I’m really warning you wife!” (just shouting, so pathetic of me). She swore on her life she’d never do it again.
Thought we were good. Come a month ago (yep around my b-day again), I start noticing the same signals/patterns that lead into this stuff, gosh DS are idiotic in their FOG. I even gave her some general advice to make the right choices in life. She knows what I meant, I know what I meant.
D-Day:
I’m at work a few weeks ago with an overwhelming need to go home and snoop. Completely out of the blue and unlike me (hadn’t poked around at all in 7 months). The 6th sense that a BS has sometimes has. Wife has a 5-10pm shift, so I’m good to do a little FB snooping. BAM!
She was on her iphone using fb at work while I was home on the ipad… I was watching realtime messages of her asking for the OM for SECONDS that day. Yes, she went earlier that day to his place to commit the PA for the first time with him, and did so. Then she wanted for the same OM (who was a mutual friend that I treat very well, but didn’t trust) to come to her work for a second round. All sorts of dirty talk about what had happened transpired and watch she still wanted to do… I watched the messages going back and forth live. She even shot off a FB note to another OM bragging that she finally did the deed.
When that subsided (I guess she had to do some actual work), I went through the rest of her messages. 8 new guys and thousands of messages. 8 guys she had been trolling with for PAs – all of them were from her mental blackbook. One of them she had over to our house a few days earlier because he was supposed to fix something (she even asked me if it was ok). Another she went out on a date with after work. I’m unsure what happened in both instances. It was kinda pathetic how templated her trolls/conversations where… what a lazy cheater. It was pathetically funny & sad.
So I call her parents to come over and sit with me while we wait for her to get off her shift. I know she is violent and also suicidal, so I needed them there to 1) protect me 2) protect her from herself 3) be witnesses if the police were needed (and they were).
I told her I have a surprise for her, so “please come straight home from work”. Nope, she needed to have coffee with her “girlfriend” who was going through “stuff”. Hahaha… meanwhile I see her FB message a different guy (local ex boyfriend) about meeting up. They did. She didn’t get home till after midnight, which she has never done before. Meanwhile her parents and I know everything and are just waiting for her to “finish up” with OM2 and come home. She swears they just talked, but if they PA’d, he got sloppy seconds.
Ok, so she walks in the door after midnight asking what her surprise is that I promised… also confused why her parent’s car is in the driveway (they live several hours away).
I asked her what she did, boom BS lies. I have none of it. With desperation in her eyes she starts crying (fake) and saying how she was [email protected] That holds no water with me (obviously she wasn’t, asking for seconds at work and going on and on with the OM in graphic detail over messages afterwards). My wife has no shame and keeps to the lie. I say we better report this to the police, she says no it was “kinda” was her fault that it happened… but she was definitely [email protected]!?
She loses it and has a full blown mental episode. She threatens to kill herself if I leave and agrees that she needs to go to the ER suicide watch and probably be committed. So I call the suicide hotline and explain what’s happening, they said they were sending the police. I then asked my wife, testing her, whether we should also report the [email protected] to the police when they arrive. She weakly says yes, believing I’m bluffing about telling them that (makes no sense). While the police are enroute, I call the OM and tell him he’s about to get arrested for [email protected] He does not hesitate coming completely clean about every major detail… which aligned with all the times and messages I had seen (they did not know I had this information). He was very apologetic to me and kissing my ass – he knows my wife is mentally ill and potentially could take the lie all the way. A few mins. later 6 state troopers arrive at the door (2 females).
Of course, initially they look at me like I did something (wife was wailing). But I was calm, compassionate, logical, had witnesses, and my wife did not try to pull any funny business… so they quickly assessed and realized this was 100% all about my wife… I hadn’t done anything to her.
So I had to take one of the troopers to the side and tell him about the accusation of [email protected] I told him I didn’t believe it for a second because of the evidence I had, this guy did nothing wrong (NOBODY deserves to be falsely accused of a crime, especially that. My wife hurts true victims of s6xual assault with those false statements). Of course the law is the law, so the now the 6 troopers have to go through the procedures of a reported s6xual assault. However, they don’t believe it either for a second and my wife must have told something to the female trooper that made them not pursue it further.
We checked her in at the ER for suicide watch. She still had to get a s6xual assault medical check. She was released the following day.
Since then, life has been a greater hell. I had my wife delete (not suspend, full deletion) her FB account. Delete all male contacts in her address book. She has since ceased all contact with OMs – it was easier for her because it was more physical, not really romantic EAs.
She has been begging to stay with me. Telling me I have to try. Threatening suicide. Telling me nobody will love me like she will. We were meant to be together no matter what. Not allowing me to sleep in the spare bedroom.
Well, seems like a no brainer… why don’t I go straight to divorce?
I can’t describe it, but I think I still love her. (I’m not “in love”, but companion type love). I pity her, some of this is just mental disorders.
She constantly tells me that nobody else will love me like she does. That we were meant to be together for life, there’s no other option. My brain tells me I’m going through some sort of battered wife syndrome, but I’m paralyzed from leaving. I now understand why abused wives stay when everyone tells them to run to a shelter. My wife will find me. She will stalk me. She will harm me. She will destroy our home if I leave. She will try to ruin my career. She will falsely accuse me of anything in order to threaten me to return or be vindictive. She will attempt suicide to either kill herself or get attention.
Other thoughts that anchor me in the marriage –
-I feel so ashamed, it’s indescribable. I don’t want anybody to know, especially co-workers.
-The prospects of going through a divorce with someone like this scare me.
-Failing for a 2nd time at marriage. I feel like an utter failure
-Not following my faith – not taking on the challenge, giving up too easily
-I just spent all my money buying and upgraded a brand new home (living here for just a year).
-guilt
-her parents are begging me to stay (they understand if I don’t), but they are heartbroken
So why am I here writing all this stuff? Honestly I’m just so confused and really messed up. Wow, I am in shock over what I just wrote – I can’t believe this is me, this is my life. What kind of person am I to go along with this? This can’t be real. I need some advice until I can get the courage to make a choice.
I have a coworker just ask me why I’m here late the night before Thanksgiving… she doesn’t know that this is the only time I can write this… she doesn’t know that I, a person she has known for 8 years sitting next to her, has this crazy homelife… she also doesn’t know that I’m crying right now on the other side of the partition. I have to get out of here.
